THE UKRAINE IS WEAK

I wouldn’t worry too much about the social upheaval in Crimea. As I recall, the market did just fine during the glory days of the cold war. Any escalation by the Russian Federation should be considered “bullish” for equities and a positive for defense contractors, who’ve just been unjustly violated in the most horrendous ways, by vagabond politicians, via cuts in funding. Very sadly, our defense budget barely surpasses ALL WESTERN NATIONS– combined– defense budgets, which onto itself is disgraceful.

JCP, SHLD and BBY look “dreamy” this morning, coinciding nicely with my long retail thesis.

Futures are firming up and I look forward to buying more BLOX on the opening dip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzLtF_PxbYw

With TJX, BBBY, ARO, just to name a few, ripping higher, it’s fair to say retail is back. What’s interesting about this move is the fact that retail has sucked for about a year. Before we get the reality of spring sales, the fantasy of a better than expected result lives.

Here are some dogs worth a look, with three month returns.

COH -13%

LULU -24%

NUS -33%

ZQK -11%

FWM -56%

BONT -42%

CONN -41%

JCP -39%

BBY -34%

ULTA -29%

FIVE -27%

ARO -26%

KKD -24%

EXPR -24%

GNC -17%

TFM -16%

BBBY -13%

DSW -12%

Here’s the play. Buy your favorite dog into the spring thaw, when rumors of private equity buyout and consumer revival are at their highest. Then sell, mind you, before that fantasy gets debunked. Ultimately, this is a game of expectations. For now, I am betting on GNC, BBBY and SALE. However, I do like ULTA and EXPR too.

What a wonderful rally we had. Now there is nothing left but dust and ash.

I am waiting for a delivery of a chesterfield sofa and couldn’t care less about the market today. I’ve tasked you with trying to educate yourselves about the stock market and was just checking in to see how that’s going for you?

By the looks of it, it appears I am having some money stolen away from me, with EZPW lower. Gold and silver are weak; therefore, EGO is down. NUS is down because momo names have stalled. And the rest of my fanciful group of clodhoppers are tap dancing down a flight of stairs, just waiting to break a neck.

Once again, I don’t care.

I know SALE, GNC, BBBY, BLOX and even EZPW will trade higher. It’s only a matter of time before the fairy tale becomes the reality.

In the meantime, I am prepping my ASCO buy list and will begin nibbling on names, like IMUC, over the next several weeks, all coming to a climax in mid-May. It’s going to be fantastic!

The most common mistake amongst independent investors is their laziness to find new names to invest in. So many of you suckas are fixed on a dozen stocks. You believe, with whimsically childish stupidity, that you are to become “experts” on said stocks and can trade them forever. In the meantime, our friendly bankers are spitting out IPOs faster than a whore can pull a trick in the South of Bronx.

Do yourself a favour and study the market. Expand your horizon until you know every single stock that is publicly traded. That’s right, suckas, you should have a round about knowledge of every single stock that trades.

Moving on, FSLR is in the “fag box.” What a terrific miss. I’d stay away from that bastard of a company for at least a few weeks.

Biotech is where the hot money is now. As I mentioned in the previous post, start preparing for ASCO, which entails buying cancer related biotechs ahead of the May conference. Now is a good time to begin building positions. I intend to buy 3-5 biotech stocks and then, summarily, blow them out into the fervor created by the shoe cobblers at CNBC– assisting me with their circle jerking sponsorship of ASCO.

Happy hunting.

Well are you?

Preparations are being made inside the confines of The PPT.

Do not get perturbed by what you might consider to be a taunt or aggressive boiler room styled advertisement for a premium service by which I fund my Orbital Space Cannon (OSC) programme. As a point in fact, the very mention of ASCO has just helped you immensely; you just don’t know it yet.

Ah, now you know it.

Get to work.

You can look at my positions, how I am perfectly positioned without a care in the world. But you may not touch them, you murderous devil.

I am long SPLK, EZPW, BLOX, BBBY, GNC, SALE, EGO, MA, NUS, IFON and ANGI. I have other positions, like FB, CHD and PEP, which comprise a portfolio of “olde man in wheeled chair” stocks. In other words, I am winning. I can speak to you in several languages, if you need me to translate it. But the simple, unadulterated, fact remains constant: “The Fly wins all the time, especially when you thought he was losing, badly.”

Up another 1.5% today–0.5% away from annual highs.

Good day.

I sold out of UNXL and CRTO and started a new position in BBBY.

My wife spends endless amounts of money in that hell hole. I might as well recover some of my losses vis a vie a million dollar position in the depressed name. In addition to that, I am long MA, GNC and NUS, positioning, if you will, for a resurgence of the shopper, the guy holding twenty bags at the mall while his wife swipes his life away.

Let’s not forget my favourite and largest retail position of them all, the next YELP: SALE.

There you have it, my core thesis for the next quarter. I tried to withhold it from your mongrels; but you persistantly poked away at me, prodding me to “write MOAR”; and now you have it.

I added to my NUS position and took profits on some of my CRTO position.

I am certainly not going to let a little sell off get in the way of my lawful and god given right to unchecked hedonism.

I started positions in IMUC and ANGI. And, I added to my GNC holdings.

One sale is forthcoming.

When you get a chance, head on over to your local GNC and buy some whey protein. While it’s true, I’d rather be caught dead than inside one of those vitamin stores; that shouldn’t stop you from venturing off into it to allow some idiot sell you overpriced vitamins and supplements. I buy my stuff via Amazon. For those of you who are too lazy to buy something online and need to “touch and feel” your protein, head on over to GNC and buy a few gallons of the stuff.

VSI just reported better than expected results, which doesn’t exactly jibe with what the retards at GNC had to say. Either way, there is great earnings power at the Radio Shack of vitamins and I am betting for a resurgence this spring. After all, people are generally awkward and fat, in need of self-improvement. Just because you’re too snobbish and “experienced” to visit a GNC, that doesn’t mean that the layman Burger King advocate can’t find value there.

I am long and will add to my position.

Moving alone, I will reserve my commentary until I see this market trade. It can go either way. Nevertheless, you and I both know where it’s going, ultimately.