Publish 2

Why are you all here?

Surely it can’t be for the food or the commercial grade coffee?

Let me just say this to you: You are the heart and soul of iBankCoin. As we approach our 7th birthday on November 12th I am reminded of why we started the site. We started it to antagonize the main stream financial media because we thought they were ridiculous. TheStreet.com, CNBC, Bloomberg: all of them were and still out of touch with reality. i’ll have you know, Jeff, The Option Addict, was supposed to come on board back then. I pitched him for months, but he chose to go another route. Needless to say, he was always a friend of the site and I consider him to be a force to be reckoned with in the financial media.

It’s a doggy world out there, financial journalism. Most of our peers are only interested in page view through there stupid stories. Very few want to help others understand the landscape. With over 17 years of professional money management experience, I bring my A game to the site on a daily basis–for good or for worse, letting you know my thoughts. Sometimes my ideas yield incredible results, other times not-so-great.

But the one thing that I promise you here, the heart of the iBankCoin elite readership is that we will never put our own goals ahead of yours. There isn’t ulterior motives and we aren’t interested in page views.

We are here to make some money, God damn it, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone get in my way of doing so.

Having said all that, I am taking you all along for the ride. Whether it’s a bad market or a roaring one, we will figure it out. Having this conference, this social gathering of top hatted gents and ladies, is iBankCoin putting its best foot forward in an attempt to communicate with its most loyal readers. I can think of no better trader than The Option Addict to host in our 1st annual event.

I hope you enjoy yourselves today and remember, I am watching you–always.

Gather around the fireside as I speak to you about investing.

What makes a successful investor? We all want to know. After all, everyone is here to glean a nugget or two, to get the edge you need to succeed. Plainly, I will tell you it is a combination of two very important things.

1. Skill set. Natural born traders are as real as organic plastic or healthy hamburgers.  The fastest path to success is to emulate those who have already achieved it. After possessing the tools you need to succeed, through endless hours of toiling about the computer, researching methods and disciplines, you need one more thing.

2. Time.

If you have #1, all you need is time to fulfill your goals. If you fail, due to so called black swan events or simple mistakes through happenstance, you will always have the skills necessary to succeed available to you. With this in mind, let me tell you about my failures.

On more than one occasion I let a short term trades turn into a longer term one, based solely on my inability to take a loss.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sold a stock, after getting a quick 10% pop, after originally hell bent on holding for the long term.

What is long term, after all?

As a wounded veteran of the 1997, 2000, 2001 and 2008 market crashes, I am prone to err on the side of caution. But this cynical thinking, this outright cowardice, has robbed me of what is rightfully mines on dozens of separate occasions.

I’ve averaged down into death and sold into epiphany. I’ve spoken to idiots who ran publicly traded companies and held the stock because I thought no one else would get clued in. I’ve betrayed disciplines because I let emotion get in the way of rational thinking, the gut wrenching agony of being wrong was too much to bear on more than one occasion. Hell, I’ve even set myself up for failure, by leveraging into a market that proved to be too dangerous.

All of these failures, AND MORE, were fleeting. I’ve always been able to pick myself up by the bootstraps and press forward. Why is that? Am I so much different from every one else? Clearly, I am just a simple man made from organic material, just like you– the same as my idiot neighbors. But i’ve been able to overcome abomination and carnage and manage to crush the markets, year in and year out. Nevertheless, I am not done going higher.

Trust yourselves before you can trust others.

I’m gonna tell you something that you already know and is a cliche, but true. Surround yourselves with successful people and kick the losers into idle sewers of trash. You don’t have enough time to waste on being unproductive. We have a task at hand and that is to trade to the very best of our abilities. There will be persons of interest and disinterest in our paths, trying to dissuade us from it. They will take your dreams and flush them down the toilet, if given the opportunity. Blackguards. Misery makes for great company.

There is a cornucopia of ideas waiting for you to take hold. Extricate yourselves from the unproductive underclass of mountebanks and forge ahead, as if your head was on ablaze–soaked with jet fuel and frenched fry grease.

As time fribbles away and the years pass, your skills will diminish, until you’re left with abject poverty and despair–regular booze hounds and road slobs–victims of your own idiocy.

Rest assured, you can avoid this dreadful fate by simply combining the skill set necessary to succeed, with the time allotted to you by the Gods of nature. Our brothers at iBankCoin refuse to lose and will make sure the murderholes are neatly paved over and the hand grenades properly pinned, all for your convenience.

Next year I will discuss failure, though moronic design and how the NYSE and the NASDAQ are denizens of pure evil. Until then, I bid you adieu and thank you for attending iBankCoin’s first annual investor conference.

Ciao.

To the bedraggled microbe who said “Fly has been calling a top for two weeks”: you Sir are a jackass. I’ve plainly stated, as clear as the day is long, that I was cautious for the month of September. Hypothetically, let’s imagine I sidelined myself during this entire month, dreadfully positioned in treasuries, utilities and cash, would I hurt myself? These are the things you don’t think about before you speak. You are very stupid men, undeserving of my attention and time. BRACE YOURSELVES FOR LOWER PRICES.

(cue mysteriously spooky music)

The chinese stocks have taken their debauchery to a new level today, with outsized gains in DSKY, CMGE and TEDU–just to name a few (all former positions of mine, might I add). This all has to do with that wicked faced man, that monster, Jack Ma, CEO of Alibaba.

BABA will come public soon, so the third estate, people like you, are chasing stocks that remind them of BABA. Jesus Christ the level of stupidity here is so acute, it’s making me shake as I write this.

Do not bother me with your stock picks, or predictions of “new highs, for-fucking-ever.” You are the same people who were crying rivers of blood during the last correction, and the one before that, and the one before that.

I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen all of it and will remain patient, as you Eddie Barzoons bounce around trying to rape each other.

The near term top has been seen. Go now child,  it is time to head back down the other side of the mountain.

These words were uttered to me by the shadows inside of my urinal.

Nothing can stop this perverted market from going higher, not even lunacy. I sold CMGE TEN POINTS LOWER and all of the burritos and all of the biotech hand grenades that looked weak last week are rifling higher.

How long do I seat myself atop this wall, waiting for the shoe to drop?

Well, it’s only September 8th and there is a lot of time left in the month for surprise sex. Naturally of course there is the idea that waiting for disaster, instead of playing it, is entirely a waste of time. I might as well day trade internet stocks, or sell everything, and be done with it–if I am not man enough to sell something short, no?

But you’d be wrong about that, since I’m only cautious with my trading dollars. I still own egregious amounts of stock. I know, I know, I know, it doesn’t matter and I cannot have it both ways.

I’ll tell you what. If this market is still spinning higher 5 days after the BABA ipo, I will sell my utilities, treasuries and invest my cash. It’s as simple as that. I’m not losing money on my defensive positions. Well, maybe today I am; but overall, I am not.

Let me remind you that this sort of perversion, wanton disrespect for the laws of mathematics, is not only immoral, but indicative of a market overheating. Yes, WDAY is a great company–but not for 31x sales (drops mic, walks off stage).

We’re diligently working on the first annual iBankCoin conference. It appears the date of 11/8 meshes for all parties involved. I am sure many of you will seek me out, trying to attack or kill me. But just know this: I will be shadowed at all times by my security apparatus and will poison your cocktails with cyanide if I deem you to be a threat. To top off the event, which will occur during a premium date (saturday) in Vegas, I am hoping to do something special for VIP sign ups. I intend to spend most of the additional monies raised on said gathering, in order to make sure that it is done in the manner by which this site conducts itself.

As for the markets: BRACE YOURSELVES for lower prices. The Option Addict and I are on opposite sides of the equation here. He’s a much better short term trader than I am. Frankly, I’ve never seen anyone in all of my years who could hold a candle to him. Nevertheless, I reckon he will be wrong this go around. Do not start feeling bad for the lad, just yet, as I’m sure the gazillion dollars he’s made in the market this year will sustain him during the dry months of September and October.

I want to be long utilities, treasuries and cash.

However, longer term, I still own 31 stocks, such as YELP, MU, HAIN, JAZZ, SGEN, GOGO etc.

A dip is coming. I can feel the warm breeze, from a volcanic eruption, across my chest passing by—as I survey the field. If you stay too long, you will be burned.

Warnings have been made. Do not say that I didn’t try to help.

[youtube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAHL5oPXOD0 603 500]

It isn’t all that bad, tucked away in dividend paying utilities and treasuries while the zebra runs about the prairie in search of sustenance and play.

With some of my cash, I added to my boring utility holdings, buying GAS here.

When I release said GAS from my possession, I intend to make waves with it.

The market is certainly proving me wrong, defying the ominous twists and turns that is september. But can one be truly secure in his/her holdings over this ordinarily long, treacherous, weekend? For all we know, General Stalingrad Putin will invade Poland and annex Eastern Germany.

Everything is awesome. Stocks are flying in the face of abysmal data. It’s laughable, really. The ordinary folk, the third estate, the zebra, have no idea that Wall Street shits on them, rather poetically, on a daily basis.

Bad news is good news and good news is even better news.

As a member of what I consider to be a unique group of intelligent life forms, I have to believe all of this nonsense will come to pass one day, no? Then again, I’m just going through a risk off phase, so don’t mind me. We’ve seen this story play out for the past 5 years and it always ends the same.

Bears in a bodybag, with a bull dancing atop of it, drinking jugs of ambrosia, high off of life.

People are buying this pathetic, languid, number. Do you know why they are doing so? It is because we are programmed to enjoy the bid that the Federal Reserve provides us with. Understand something, with nearly $20 trillion in national debt, the United Steaks of America cannot possibly allow its interest rates to head higher, while looking at you with a straight face, saying “we’re not trying to purposely default on our obligations.”

I appreciate the candor of the billionaire hedge fund manager, who operates out of the Short Hills shopping mall, who told us to sell short treasuries yesterday. He has a mighty fine track record and I could only hope to enjoy 1/10th of his success over the course of my lifetime. But he’s fooling himself, or you, with the idea that rates are done going lower.

A great man, who once walked the halls of iBankCoin and screamed at you from his office every morning, once said “we are Japan.” That we are my friends and I’m not bearish on stocks because of it. I am simply hesitant in the month of September. Call it superstition or “gut instinct”; but I want no part in this phase of debauchery. I’d rather just sit here and watch you have all the fun, while I think of ways to entertain myself.