Monday, December 5, 2016
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
14,833 Blog Posts


The Mayans predicted the end of civilization thousands of years ago. As luck would have it, tomorrow is the very last day left on the calendar, leading many to believe that civilization as we know it is about to end.

I warned you that our politicians were fucking assholes. Tomorrow we will all reap the rewards of a corrupt, rudderless, government fixed on fucking its people.

But this is good news. Obama doesn’t get to raise taxes and make Obama phones at the same time. Be grateful to the republicans for cock-blockng him in this regard, even though you will want to punch every single member of the GOP in the face tomorrow. I am reserved and at peace with my position that entails losing largess sums of money. It’s a sacrifice of sorts. I’m gonna martyr myself and watch the country burn from the inside.

I’d like to offer a special raised up middle finger to every single elected official in America and world-wide.

The Mayan calendar never predicted the end of time. Instead it alluded to the United Steaks breaking down, fiscally, sending it over the cliff and into a dark crevasse. It’s a ‘Black Swan’ event and I will enjoy it more than anything delicacy that could be placed in front of me. “The Fly” will eat it and laugh, then eat it some more.

After you lose 10% of your money tomorrow, a giant fucking astroid is going to hit your grandmother’s house, creating a giant mushroom cloud over the earth, eliminating the disgusting and stupid human race.

Good night.

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  1. juice

    I’m impressed you’re referencing astroids, boss.

  2. Bottle Rocket

    Higher taxes are coming. People are gonna dump stocks from now until New Years. Enjoy the blood.

  3. No One

    “Plan B” is what you give a girl after you fuck her all night, blow your load all over inside her, and she tells you ‘Im not on the pill”

  4. zzzdoc

    Was there ever a chance that the GOP house would agree on a bipartisan agreement that includes tax increases? I don’t think so.

    And good night to you too! πŸ™‚


  5. gravestonedoji


  6. Testicules

    wonder how many of those f-tards were short….gee…one more “I can’t” ought to do it

  7. The Eye-Talian Stallion
    The Eye-Talian Stallion

    We ain’t seen nothing yet, when the guys making $42k / year working 60 hrs a week figure out that they can make 40k staying at home on disability then the market will tank for good. That’s a year away from happening, coinciding with 0bamaCare and the boomers checking out of the system.
    Commodities will be the winner.

  8. tradingmantis

    Fear not! The calendar I bought around this time last year at the 99 cents store ends on the 31st of this month not the 21st. We have ten more days.

  9. Blind Read Ant

    The PM’s indicate can kicking near Feb.

    Unfortunately, the world will end first.

  10. JTU

    The futures are over reacting! Look at Asia, it’s not down that much. The futures are merely trying to scare politicians into a decision before tomorrow morning!

    • Testicules

      After the initial dump and (I saw that coming GURU’s on Twitter went to bed) the currency trade is stalled out

  11. The Earl of Muff

    I will be buying your margin calls tomorrow gentlemen!

  12. Randomness

    Your Nostradamus looks amazingly like Sean Connery. And damn my split infinitives.

  13. fake amish

    The ball is in the 0 court. Buckle on the tax hikes or over the cliff we go. But. That was probably the plan the whole time. Tax hikes for all. How the fuck did you think a socialist revolution was paid for?

  14. Bullish

    I bet if alf wasn’t banned he’d be saying something silly like:
    “Shorter than verne troyer!”

    Followed by some song lyrics.

  15. obama for prez

    We finish green tomorrow. #timestamped

    • Testicules

      Last 12 minutes after everyones gone home for the Holidays…a mysterious surge takes out all the shorts?

      somewhere a bearded clam laughs hysterically and to all you Ho’s a Goodnight

  16. bobbin4apples

    The American Indians cursed the selfishness of the white man in a way that would be the white mans own demise.
    And The Indians will say, “Sir, let those laugh that win.”

  17. TheProphetOfCliff

    Hextuple Witching Event = Mayan End of World + Options Expiry + Fiscal Cliff Vote Failure

    Should be interesting for Bears and African Cats Lurking in the Tall Grass

  18. JTU

    Buy the blood people!

  19. Marc David

    I’d like to petition a rename from the Fiscal Cliff to the Fiscal Sniff.

  20. fake amish

    Look dude. The table is set. The tax hikes as is are a no go. Someone must deal. 250 is already gone now it is 400 or? The dems deal or there is no deal. Not about being smart just paying attention.

  21. The Fly


    There is a zero percent chance of a deal.

  22. theedge111


    No deal is a good thing IMO because are politicians are too afraid to make real cuts. I say fuck it, give us the cliff. We NEED the cliff in order to clean this mess up.

    Let’s face it: We need to slash spending and cut the military because we are fucking broke.

    Going over the cliff achieves it. Wall St will hate it for a couple quarters. Stocks will drop and we will go back into a nasty recession but after awhile we’ll recover.

    It’s time to take our medicine and I hope the tea party holds up against the big O and we go cliff diving.

    • fake amish

      Indeed. When the middle class wakes up to the candy store their money opens up to the socialists(democrats) it is game time. Wtf did anyone that voted 0 think was going to happen? DISTRIBUTION. Sorry fuckfaced it was about yours as well.

      • fake amish

        The “good” use of your money is endless. Child hunger? Dog shelters? Green energy(throw a fucking dart)? Free housing for academics? Etc etc etc etc..

  23. JTU

    I said buy the blood but so far I don’t see anything worth buying!
    I need to see discounts in the 5-20% range depending on the stock. I won’t buy anything today that isn’t marked down by at least 5%.

  24. Anibal Hawking

    I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already πŸ˜‰ Cheers!