A Rotesque Tale of a Wall Street Kleptomaniac

Peter Rotesque was a 40 something year old wall street professional, with big plans to expand his burgeoning career, catering to the super wealthy. He lived in an atypical upscale suburban community. He had 4 cars, 2 homes, 1 boat, 4 kids, 1 wife and 1 mistress. His work ethic could only be described as “obsessive psychotic,” where he was a partner at an up and coming NYC investment bank, overseeing and cracking a stiff whip on an underpaid and brazenly disloyal staff of 25. Everything was fairly straightforward with Peter, with exception to one major character flaw: aside from Peter’s obsessive work ethic and infectious charm, Peter was also a fiery kleptomaniac aka “great collector of other people’s things.”

It all started one day, while at a business meeting. His devout client, Bradley Hamlargular, of 20 years had met him for lunch at The Four Seasons restaurant in NYC. While discussing a multi-million dollar deal over $25 quail egg salads, Bradley politely excused himself from the table for exactly 4.5 minutes, so that he might relieve himself inside of the Four Seasons bathroom. In a mistake that can only be described as “unfortunate,” Mr. Hamlargular left his prized Grayson Tighe Limited Edition rollerball pen on the table— with Mr. Rotesque as its primary caretaker until he returned.

To be continued…

As you waste your weekend away, gawking at dumbtube and internet porn, “The Fly” is reading research reports. See pal, THAT’S the difference between a person such as yourself and me. I will opine on Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] Sunday or Monday, dependent on how futures are looking. Good stuff.

A lot of you are worried about losing money and some of you are happy as pigs in shit, due to your short positions rising in value. For the most part, the unwashed masses on this site are being rather polite, with regards to my recent set backs. Perhaps it’s a sign of maturity, or the fact that I have imprisoned over 200 neerdowells throughout the years. Nevertheless, I appreciate the sentiment.

Some of you are asking about my breaking point, the line in the sand if you will. I opt to give my answer in the form of a simple mathematics exercise.

Joe Blow starts off 2009 with 100k. At the end of 2009, due to market gains, Joe Blow has 190k. During the first week of 2010, Joe Blow extends his gains by another 12%, sending his account value up to about 212k. MUCH TO HIS CHAGRIN, in ghoulish fashion, the market staggers him in the subsequent weeks after his great start, effectively erasing all of his 2012 gains.

His account stands at 190k.

Now ask yourself, is Joe Blow hurting?

My line in the sand is the proverbial “180k.”

Come Monday, investors will be introduced to a 2008 style “faces of death” tape. We’re dumping out here and I am going down in this fucker, bar mitzvah party in Tehran style.

Eat good and hearty over the weekend and enjoy the wife and kids. Come Monday, we are going to be jumping out of cylinder shaped windows onto the traffic down below.

Off to see about a gourmet hotdog lunch.

I get too excited. When shorting stocks or going long, I tend to get, shall we say “overly dramatic” on occasion, which inevitably leads to thorough annihilation. Granted, I did not buy into today’s hype; but I should have sold. On Jupiter’s stone, this fucking market is broken and is dismantled by men in burlap dresses.

Tech names are being shredded, based upon nothing. It’s quite laughable. But then again, it isn’t a game.

Commodity stocks have reversed and are getting smashed into microscopic pieces. Apparently, Mother Market isn’t pleased with plain ol’ small anymore.

Like I said last night, the market has one or two really bad days left in it, before a sharp bounce. Much to my chagrin, this mornings GDP data got me all excited. I was walking around the office, all huffy and puffy and shit—throwing lit cigars at the men and glasses of orange juice on the ladies. For me to sit here, in my luxurious chair, and tell you “go eat a sandwich” would be a lie.

You should not be eating anything when your fucking net worth is being dismantled by men in burlap mini skirts, unless of course we’re talking triple bacon cheeseburger with a fried egg on top.

Maybe JAKEGINT was right, when he said “the market needs the dollar to get clown raped by hamburglar impersonators, before this motherfucker can go higher again, son.”

Perhaps.

All I know at the moment is pain. Not Clubber Lang, knock you out in the 2nd round, take your fucking belt and steal your woman pain; but instead, Ivan Drago, I will break your face with one punch then shame your entire country with your loss calamity pain.

Stocks are most certainly for asshats only

The dollar is rising because the economy is kicking ass, as evidenced by 5.7% Q4 GDP gains, and because Europe sucks long rope. Today’s numbers should buoy the markets several hundred points, considering how scared everyone is and the high level of short sellers permeating leadership stocks. However, for some odd reason, the market is full of ball-less cowards. These so called men are nothing more than eunuchs, unable to muster a respectable rally on fantastic data, on this frigid NYC morning.

I’d bet my face that Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] breaks $100 today and re initiates coverage on destroying the Cramer crowd who is short the name. In addition, I like the look of Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] , ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] and Cummins Inc. [[CMI]] , down at these levels.

All of my rhetoric and Godly market timing will go to waste, unless of course the people managing the 401k money get off their lazy asses and get long in size here.

PNC Financial Services [[PNC]] is your market leader today. Trade accordingly.

Here’s your spark bulls. Run with it.

I’ve been combing through The PPT for hours now, looking for historically low ranks, in order to fish out stocks that are oversold. Much to my amazement, there are very few names to pick from. Being in a world of my own, isolated from the extreme events taking place outside my sphere of influence, I am shocked to see the type of broad-based carnage in the markets. Absolutely SHOCKED, mind you.

Although I am well aware of my capital set-backs, I never take them too serious, since I always seem to find a way to win— and do so with style.

So you know, The PPT has not flagged extreme oversold conditions yet. Looking deep inside of its underbelly, it’s whispering to me that there can be one or two more “fuck you, you’re dead” days, before we bounce large.

Thus far, after combing through all large cap names in the universe, I have identified two stocks that closed with historically low hybrid scores:

ArcelorMittal (ADR) [[MT]] and Portugal Telecom, SGPS (ADR) [[PT]]

Many other names are close to historically low scores, but no cigar.

I think the price action in ArcelorMittal (ADR) [[MT]] and Portugal Telecom, SGPS (ADR) [[PT]] accurately represents the type of tape we are in now.

Ouch.

NOTE: BEAS completed his final post of the month, as KOPG. He did so with flair and in video.

iBankCoin was down most of the day due to the Obama administration trying to stifle the seditious opinions of Jakegint.

I will make this brief, concise and to the point.

I will not waiver. I will not give up. I will endure this sell off and come out on the other end of the sewer pipe victorious. Watch, see, as if you were learning the Chinese alphabet for the very first time. For the most part, earnings have been great. I will pin my hopes and dreams, of swimming in colossal profits, on the on doings of our finest technology firms.

Good day to you.

NOTE: Someone is fucking with Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] into the bell, every day. Fascinating.

Okay, we’ve crossed over the Rubicon line of humor, where declining stocks are no longer a delight, but instead a disgusting hindrance. Through stupidity, mixed with a little delusional machismo, I’ve managed to nearly squander all of my 2010 gains, thanks in large part to this death-tape. Fuck you very much. Yeah, lots of stocks are cheap; but that doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Perhaps the robots at Goldman are mad and no longer buoy this market with retardo style buy orders. Or, maybe just maybe the bears are right and we’re in for a long walk down. Either way, it’s important to recognize when things go awry; and boy oh boy are things fucked up in the land of bullshit, where everything is good news, even bad.

Maybe if I wasn’t so, shall we say, “less stubborn,” I would have followed the advice of the thousands of worldly folks on twitter and jumped in the FAZmobile for a little spin. I keep myself up at night thinking about such scenarios and dream of a day when I TOO can ride in the FAZmobile, with the wind blowing in my face and butterflies in my hair. I’d drive to the rainbows and pick up me pot of gold, then go spend that shit on howitzers and automatic Nolan Ryan baseball pitching machines.

Instead, I am here in this broken down jalopy, with fresh bolts of lightening christening my every move.

In the big scheme of things, this is not such a big deal, at least not yet. I have the whole year ahead of me, with lots of time to find treasures at the end of rainbows. However, as always, when in a losing position, the pain of being so stupid is overwhelming. Nonetheless, I’ve taken it upon myself to eat sandwiches and think of creative ways to recapture lost coin. Believe you me, having Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] up so much is a blessing; but it doesn’t blunt the losses of my other 20 stocks declining into this “fuck the union” tape.

If the market could be presented to me right now, in the form of a physical person, I’d mace his face then kick him out of a window, regardless of the consequences. It would be a “crime of passion”; and my attorneys would convince a jury of my peers off my “unwavering innocence.”

Top picks: Nucor Corporation [[NUE]] , Ctrip.com International, Ltd. (ADR) [[CTRP]]

I am going to buy several Apple iPads. Steve Jobs is an American hero and should be ARRESTED and executed by the clown-fuckers on capital hill, being that they’re into hating on success and all.

We have a bullshit market upon us, mixed with pending earnings from Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] . I’m holding my little GMCR position through earnings, AND MORE (until $100). Let me just say, I was exactly wrong on the steel stocks, so far. The raping of United States Steel Corporation [[X]] has been very viscous and oh so dramatic. Both Nucor Corporation [[NUE]] and POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] have dropped off a cliff, as of late. It was a call, a bad one so far. However, I’m not in the stock for 1-2 days. Should we get the recovery I think we will get, in 2010, steel stocks will rip to new highs. They are very volatile and not for people with weak arteries.

Secondly,  education stocks are ripping higher today, led by DeVry Inc. [[DV]] . This is a heavily bet against sector, with LOTS of upside and cheap valuations. I like Corinthian Colleges, Inc. [[COCO]] until $20.

Finally, there is something to be said about enduring multiple punches to the scrotum without fighting back. In hindsight, I should have shorted something, especially since I knew the decline was coming. You live and you learn. I do not want to compound my first error (not shorting)  by shorting here, at the low end of the range. Although there is a shot we break lower, in homofied fashion, odds are we bounce soon and hard.

NOTE: Most inverse ETF’s in The PPT are ranked the highest in history. Once again, this is usually a sign of a pending reversal, meaning: get long.

Here is a little rally cry song for you [[GMCR]] longs aka bilingual coffee lovers.