Get My Fucking Sandwich

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Thus far, my day has been filled with utter anxiety, mixed with panic and greed. I am hitting on all emotions here, as I try to figure out a way out of this calamity.

The game plan is simple:

DO NOT GET SHAKEN OUT. I am not leveraged and have been deploying new monies into equities. As a matter of fact, I have been raising new money (something I hate doing), in order to buy this terrorist market.

I understand the risks at hand. Hell, we can close at the lows today and get gorilla stomped on Tuesday. However, I have firm belief in buying when the streets are flowing with blood.

My buy list includes: [[UYG]] , General Electric Company [[GE]] , Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] and [[TBT]] .

In my opinion, the safest play is TBT. Eventually, yields have to go higher. If equities rebound, people with sell treasuries to buy stocks. On the other hand, if foreign banks take their money out of treasuries, yields will soar, sending TBT through the fucking roof. A win-win, if you will.

The risks to the market lie with Morgan Stanley [[MS]] , Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] , General Motors Corporation [[GM]] , Ford Motor Company [[F]] and the bizarre action in select energy stocks, like Chesapeake Energy Corporation [[CHK]] .

In short, my time horizon is longer term than most and I am willing to endure a painful downslope. If you are risk adverse, go take a walk in the park and feed the birds.

People are getting killed out there. We had daylight for a minute, then that bullshit Lehman CDS auction data came out. Naturally, CNBC is repeating the negatives every 3 seconds. They really do know how to stoke a little fear.

Then we have the dire situation at Morgan Stanley [[MS]] . Frankly, people do not believe they will get funding. How absurd is that?

Personally, I feel like my heart is going to explode. I have a few things going up; but it’s just too fucking volatile.

My favorite places to put cash right now is in The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] and [[TBT]] . Ag seems to respond to rallies with great vigor. And treasuries are beginning to sell off. TBT gets you short.

The oils have been offered no respite, with unbelievable declines in all of them. There is no need to single out a name. It is carnage.

At the end of the day, it’s only money and personal net worth at stake. No biggie.

UPDATE: I bought 10,000 Citigroup Inc. [[C]] @ $13.10

I’m buying into this pigsty.

Fuck this. I am buying [[UYG]] , General Electric Company [[GE]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and [[ROM]] .

I am cleaning out my cash reserves and going 100% long.

A great man once said: “no balls, no babies.”

Developing…

I made fun of “The Woodshedder Prophecy” yesterday for saying “we need several 800 point drops,” in order to form a bottom. Scratch that idea.

I am going to one up all of the fuckers on CNBC and say “we need” to drop like 5,000 points, over the next 3 days, in order to “form a bottom.”

Keep in mind, that bottom will be built upon fire and shit. Nonetheless, you will be happy to know, it will be “the bottom.”

Sifting through stocks this evening, I can make a strong argument for mass bankruptcies, from [[M]] to Prudential Financial, Inc. [[PRU]] . As you know, I have been warning of this crash for more than a year. As a matter of fact, up until two days ago, I was up more than 60% for the year. My gains are still bountiful, but my blood pressure is through the roof.

This failure is indicative of a failed society. One that let a corrupt government lead it by the nose into financial, moral and social bankruptcy, which inevitably may lead to national default.

Erroneously, I find myself long equities in the midst of this crisis. My plans, as always, is to slaughter them all. No seriously, I will be forced to duck and cover tomorrow. I might have to throw on some lightening fast hedges, in order to stem my losses. Moreover, I will look for a “real bottom” to form, around Dow 3,000—giving me motivation to lever up and get long some General Electric Company [[GE]] around $4.

No matter how much money you lose, always remember, there are armies of space aliens out there waiting to abduct you and perform anal cavity searches. Do not let those little big eyed green fuckers capture you and laser beam you up into their spaceships. They are first class asshats.

Top pick: Early Alien radar detection system

UPDATE: Apparently, Krull lost his shirt.

Click here to enter Asian pinball game.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcBwOelBeL4 450 300]

Enough of the sobbing.

Let’s lighten up the mood a little.

Thanks to this ‘Goldilocks Economy,’ which is being eaten alive by insane bears, I am forming a gang.

After all, soon enough, foreign governments will be pulling their money out of treasuries, effectively sending our dollars down to zero. So, with that in mind, I have decided to get proactive and form a street gang, in order to forage food from local banking executives. We will open warehouses around the country and store this food, in order to survive the apocalypse.

Who’s in?

You must admit, this economy is so impressive, it just makes you want to take up arms and drive a fucking tank into the White House. Pardon me for the overzealous idiocy, I have lost control of my capacity to reason.

Good friends of mine are literally looking for caves to live in, based upon far away planets getting set to crash into our fucking planet. These things are all good news, if you have a strong gang and the ability to seize the food supplies of local banking officials and/or mortgage players.

Just so you know, my first stop will be at the doorstep of the tanned one himself, Mr. Mozilo.

More on this later.

I am fucking irate at myself for covering my shorts and going long into this maelstrom. Call me sentimental, I didn’t want to give up hope for this country. Despite hating all of my neighbors, deep down, I want America to exist.

Instead, it looks like we are heading for a full blown collapse. From General Motors Corporation [[GM]] to Morgan Stanley [[MS]] to Prudential Financial, Inc. [[PRU]] to MetLife, Inc. [[MET]] to Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , it’s all over. People with money are frantically buying treasuries, like crack heads with access to a credit card.

Seriously, all of my peers have been obliterated. Most investors/advisers are long equities. Very few go crazy and short stocks, like Senor Tropicana. The general feel around the water cooler is despair and fear.

The conditions are perfect for a bottoming out. However, the fundamentals are so debilitating, no one wants to get long ahead of the next bad headline.

In closing, the world appears to be screwed. There is a full fledged rout on equities here, exacerbated by forced selling and nervous 401k players, like Steve. Also, idiots like me, who have been buying this dip, are giving up hope, taking losses and crying in their beer.

I’ll have you know, “The Fly” will never cry in his beer. He will die with honor and without any signs of weakness.