BARELY ESCAPED ALIVE

I was having a genteel day up 200bps until I got the idea to dive back into the market. I went ahead into some REITs and was immediately entreated to 10% drawdowns in both. I sold one, held the other for what it sure to be a fantastic bogging in the morning. I only held out of hope, nothing rooted in actual logic.

In my YOLO I went long the Dow via UDOW — since it held up well during the session. The idea is we are OS — but buying the NASDAQ is fucking retarded. We are seeing 10% drawdowns on a regular basis. The Dow is by far the more preferrable vehicle if trying to catch an OS bounce.

I think I can, I think I can — gosh darn it — I know I can.

+180% YTD. Beta invites for Stocklabs happening tonight. See you tomorrow.

Mid-day I am up a pleasant 2%, only thanks to the fact I entered the day 130% leveraged into commodity stocks. I caught a quick trade in BTU and have been sitting in a 90% cash position all day. While there is of course opportunity at ever bend, I am noticing that prices are more or less FIXED and the beta for swing stocks has slowed to a molasses drip. If you entered the session -2%, you are probably still down around that same level.

I commiserate with you over your plight; but understand the summer doldrums is coming and with it JUNIOR at the trading turret will be ordered to not fuck it up and to not rock the boat. Gains have been plentiful and junior cannot ruin the summering for our beloved PMs.

Into the final hours of trade, I will likely do nothing. Into the final 30 mins, I will likely do much — trying to only capture opening rips or dips for tomorrow. I suspect the intra-day trading we enjoyed so much has ceased to exist…for now.

I was on tilt Friday, buying and leveraging into commodities in the hopes of going green. What I could not do on Friday I did today, surging 187bps in trading, more than 450bps in my YOLO. I was going to leave the stocks that were working, but seeing the overall condition of the market made me change my mind, so I’m 100% cash.

Gains are locked in. Cash has been raised. Let the cataclysm begin.

High beta stocks are off a staggering 4% today. Tech is dead.

Last night the wealthiest man on the planet BECLOWNED himself on SNL in a series of juvenile comedy skits, all the while his loyal DOGECOINERS eagerly awaited for him to pump their inane and moronic investment Ponzi to even greater heights. Today, the wealthiest man in the world tweeted this.

SpaceX launching satellite Doge-1 to the moon next year

– Mission paid for in Doge
– 1st crypto in space
– 1st meme in space

To the mooooonnn!!https://t.co/xXfjGZVeUW

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 9, 2021

So we haven’t done any of this stuff yet as a species — but Elon is going to permit you to pay for it in a coin fashioned after a dog.

I will not normalize this sort of behavior.
I will not normalize this sort of behavior.
I will not normalize this sort of behavior.
I will not normalize this sort of behavior.
I will not normalize this sort of behavior.
I will not normalize this sort of behavior.
I will not normalize this sort of behavior.
I will not normalize this sort of behavior.
I will not normalize this sort of behavior.

Futures are slightly higher. I am fully levered long with a heavy emphasis on oil. My fate is in the hands of the Gods.

I tried everything today, from buying it all to selling it all to buying it all back. I conducted myself like a first rate vagrant in the market place today. People like me should be stopped by the govt for “gamifying”stock trading. I could not find the momo no matter how hard I tried. I bought dozens of stocks, threw shit up against the wall and nothing stuck. I was up 100bps and then down 100bps and then I applied the most margin I had in years, just in order to increase the alpha so I could go green.

But the Gods denied me of this favor. Those bastard son of a bitches! I did everything right — followed all the rules, and still — I closed out the week DOWN 177bps. My Quant was +199bps and did zero trades and my YOLO was +520bps today on two trades, TQQQ and ERX.

I am pleased, however, with the level of laughter I have been enjoying. I cannot buy a new Tesla with said laughter; but it might alleviate the pangs of my suffering when I reminisce in the future.

ENTER LEXX

It was a ticker symbol designed for the Pelican Room: “sex with LEXX, why don’t you?” Sure, makes sense to buy it since I could in fact have digital sex with it and increase my fortune. Only this time there was a victim in the Pelican Room. His name was Bubba and he proffered to FORNICATE rapidly and quick he did, as the stock immediately CASCADED lower amidst an ocean wall of sellers. The stock halted for MAXIMUM DOWNSIDE fuckery inside of 1 min of Bubba buying — likely an acute punishment afflicted on him by the Gods for his bloodline cavorting in the SLAVE TRADE many centuries ago. As it so happened, we never found out how or why the stock collapsed like that and I later on went on to lose 10% in my own gambits to have “sex with LEXX”. As fate would have it, she sprung higher by 20% at the highs today and none of us, sadly, were able to provoke fornication.

Good weekend.

Yesterday the mean reversion algorithms inside Stocklabs were nearing 10 year lows, meaning extremely OS. It felt poor and the floor sinking beneath our feet. But it always feels that way. We rallied off the lows and did not register another OS signal, but the one from last week still applies.

See details below.

In a market as dicey as this one, I do not dare claim victory at 11am, since there is ample time to reverse lower and completely fuck me. This time, may in fact, be different. But it’s not likely. History doesn’t necessarily repeat itself; but as you know it rhymes. Human behavior is similar no matter the generational gap or even the asset class. I am able to trade SHITCOINS well because I understand the psychology of fear and greed. I wasn’t born with this skillset, but instead I cultivated it over decades of doing stuff wrong.

The NASDAQ is +170 and I am heavily long TQQQ into this melt up. I’d like to believe this is “the bottom” and it’s all gravy trucks from here on out. However, I doubt the Gods would make it that easy for me and I suspect there will be extreme bumps along the right, en route to Valhalla.

On the crypto side, I am long MATIC for a trade here. I do believe, at some point, these cryptos are in for a SEVERE lashing. But any sizable dip in the main coins should be bought, or at least budgeted into your monthly investment allocations in order to diversify away from the dollar.

Lots of bears out there, shit talkers and anti-vaxxers — stuffing their flabby faces with steak sandwiches and onions rings. I will tell you, it’s a good thing for a man to suffer. It builds character. More than that, when faced with adverse scenarios — they, eventually, mean nothing to you.

During the caustic opening salvo of May, a week in which ARKK shed more than 10% and high beta stocks drilled into the ground, I am off by 1.3%. Nothing more or less.

I closed the session a buyer of stocks, 100% convinced we will bounce higher and soon. I created this blog for you to bookmark and revel in its glory tomorrow.

Buffoons are controlling you now. Fed’s Kaplan came out today and suggested, or implied rather, he was going to fuck markets and soon via tapering. Since Iron Ore and Steel are at record highs and inflation is finally something to worry about, it seems the Fed, thanks to all of those fucking STIMMY CHECKS, have no choice but to raise rates.

Tech stocks plummeted and let out some more, as investor clamor for gold and other havens of safety. This is stupid, but at the same time wonderful. Oddball stocks are rallying like LEDS, BRN, CHS, and PRTY. There isn’t any rhyme or reason, other than to gun stocks that have thin floats.

Gold and silver miners are very strong, because we’re all hard currencyFAGS now and we must be austere and we must taper, else Zimbabwe.

I had gains early on but traded out of them, now off by 66bps. I had to SUSPEND my YOLO account after 3 consecutive rapish days from hell, off by 15% since I decided it was a good idea to buy big volume scorchers and hold them. The Dow Joans will not tell you the story, the fight and plight of millions of day traders and momo traders now. We are in fact rolling a boulder uphill and attempting to extricate water from the desert. The sands are dry and the terrain woeful. I suspect we bounce soon. But then again, I can’t always have my way.

Dreadful tape. I vacillated between gains and losses today and then made sure I’d make gains by slowwwwwwing down my beta — slashing the portfolio positions down to few and methodically trading for scalps. I ended up 65bps on a day that was designed to ruin traders.

Everything faded. Barely anything pinned to the highs. My Quant was +115bps, mainly due to strength in banks. There is a profound weakness that lingers in the stale air. The only reliable industries seem to be commodity related and banks. Tech, more or less, is dead.

I now begin my new trading session — heading in and out of shitcoins for fun and profit.

Ciao.

I’ve spun my wheels today, up barely 30bps for MAX effort. Meanwhile over in SHITCOIN Ville, I am up another thousand percent. Why bother with earnings calls and surprise dilutive offerings when you can envelope yourselves in MAXIMUM depravity, betwixt with people who know just as much about livestock than common stock.

I have traded BSV, LTC, ETC, BCH and ADA for 10-30% gains since yesterday, all the while I struggle to find a singular narrative in the market, other than Jim Biden spending $80b to bulk up the IRS in order to target small businesses.

I trade because I am good at it. On days I am poor at it, I am miserable — because I know I could’ve done better, sold this sooner, bought this later. Nothing will or can be perfect. But at least we can control the methods how we choose stocks and the risk we allocate.

Some easy to follow rules.

Position sizes no more than 5%, rare 10% on double downs.
Max risk downside of 10%
If day trading, constantly cull weak performers and replace them with one’s moving.

You will be able to use out tools at StockLabs for free soon, as we put on the finishing touches on BETA INVITES. If you have not signed up yet, do so now — you absolute fucked face.