18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,009 Blog Posts

Mandatory Fast Money Rant

With the exception of Jeff Macke, whom I have decided is a highly competent investor, EVERYONE ON FASTMONEY BLOWS.

Really, they are all batting like .120, over the last 12 months. They fucking suck. All I hear is “buy this, no decouple that, solar stocks look sweet here or Carl Icahn is fucking great.”

I’m sick of it. I spit on Fast Money, from 300 yards away.

The worst of the worst is that pony tail dude. Although I love his enthusiasm, this man is a money destroyer on wheels. He needs to be contained to a box of playdough, and not giving investment advice to a populace that is screaming for sage commentary.

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Milk the Governor

The good news for [[TMA]] shareholders is that the stock can only fall another buck. Good news, indeed.

As you all know by now, the news of Governor Spitzer soliciting “Ladies of the Night” sent shock waves throughout the investment community—as confidence in our markets and leadership become front page issues.

However, I must tell you, I am quite pleased to see Spitzer didn’t have some sort of absurd gay theme going on in his life. It just seems every single politician is a flaming homo. Good to see some old school, degenerate, testosterone running through the veins of a male politician (yes, that was a poke at Hillary).

As for the markets:

I expect this Spitzer shit will result in another wave of selling. People are done. They want no part of this market. Therefore, expect to see a crescendo sell off, sometime soon, much to the chagrin of the bullish variety.

Just know, today’s trading action gave instant victory to “The Fly,” against the cowardly forces of Dennis Kneale, James Cramer and Charlie “Meatball” Gasparino.

With my money, I covered my trading [[MON]] position, for a cool 40k+ profit. Keep in mind, I am still heavily long [[SMN]], whose largest short is MON. In addition, I took out a trading short on [[POT]]. Fuck POT.

Finally, sometime soon, due to the egregious manner of the recent sell off, I will build my cash position to an obscene amount, while paring down my shorts.

Basically, I’ve made loads of money this year. I find no need to “press my bets.” Until we spike hard, to the upside, I will make surgical trades and reduce my downside exposure.

Remember: Always keep a spare gun under the bed.

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Fly Buy: DGP

I bought 1,000 [[DGP]] @ $25.61.

Disclaimer: If you buy DGP because of this post, your name will be revealed as “client number 10.” And, you may lose money.

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UPDATE: Spitzer (client #9) Solicits Ladies of the Night!

You’re telling me the NYS Governor, Elliot “get the bad guys” Spitzer is a pimp?

That’s it. Something odd is happening here. It’s almost as if Mother Market wants the market to go down another 30%.

On a side note, this knee-caps Cramer’s clout, considering how close he is to Spitzer. Perhaps I can entertain myself in a short [[TSCM]] trade (while dancing to the Wisdom Tree Indian ETF commercial)?


UPDATE: After reviewing the evidence, “The Fly” finds Governor Spitzer GUILTY of soliciting whores for personal gain. As a result, the Governor must resign and reliquish power to the Godly folks at iBC. Redundantly, as a result of this development, “The Fly” has withdrawn is Presidential bid, in order to fill the vacuum at the NYS executive branch.

As always, developing….

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Fly Sell: POT

I sold short 5,000 [[POT]] @ $145.63.

Disclaimer: If you sell short POT because of this post, someone will out their cigar on your new car. And, you may lose money.

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Fly Buy: MON

I covered my entire [[MON]] short (with the exception to my large SMN position), buying 5,000 @ $101.45.

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Lend Me Your Shares

As you read the work of an “internet genius,” shares of [[FED]] are no longer available to borrow, which greatly saddens me. Apparently, every looser [sic] with an E-Trade account is shorting the fucker.

So, instead of shorting FED illegally (which I would NEVER do), I have decided to smoke [[POT]]. No pun intended.


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