$ANGI is Smoking Hot

Angie Hicks, Co-Founder of Angie’s List

I realize many of you hate Angie’s list. My best guess is that you live in housing tenements, where your super fixes things for free. In the real world, outside of abject poverty, men of industry hire contractors to upgrade their living containers. In my experiences with contractors, I’ve always found them to be nefarious, double talking, the very worst people in the world.

Then Angie changed the game.

I like to think of Angie, whether it’s true or not, as a disgruntled housewife, left alone at home while her husband cavorted with prostitutes having unprotected sex. Upset by her predicament, she decided to spend all of his money on home projects; but became angered by the incompetence of “the help” and then took even more of her husband’s money to start Angie’s list (absolutely no chauvinism involved in this paragraph).

With Angie’s list, you can screen the help and make sure they’re not miscreant vagabonds. I love it and can’t live without it. Well, let me rephrase that: I can certainly “live” without it, per se. However, I’d rather not.

HOW CHEAP IS ANGI?

It’s trading 4x sales, treated like a ZNGA operation for reasons unbeknownst to me. YELP is trading at 25x. Let’s meet YELP halfway and say ANGI is worth 12.5x sales; that means ANGI is worth about $51 per share, give or take a few pesos.

Disclosure: ANGI is a top 5 position of mine.

You can’t go long here, no matter how tempting it is, if you’re interested in low-risk set ups. Who knows what’s in store for us jerks on Monday? Perhaps we will be treated to a Chinese default or worse: ARGENTINEAN DEVALUATION.

I have my positions and they’re all being slaughtered today, in a very non-orderly fashion. I have my screens set up to isolate high growth stocks on sale, so that I might parlay some of my cash into these ideas in the not-so-distant future.

Tomorrow, I am off to Broadway, with the family to see a play. Next week I will be visited by some general contractors who will make a mess out of my house, then take some of my money. Life, as I know it, marches on.

Don’t be surprised to see BALT trade back down to the low $4’s. God damn it, Capesize rates are $10,000 per day and no one in their right mind can be optimistic about the bulkers now. However, truth be told, an executive at GNK did warn me of Q1 “volatility”, and said so with a very ominous tone. I didn’t take him seriously, and chalked his opinion up to another “know nothing seaman” with ships up his ass and bankers at his door. Nevertheless, they’re adamant about Chinese growth, so it’ll be interesting to see if the news out of China gets better.

In short, it’s tempting to nibble here, considering I am getting slapped around in my longs and have some cash to put to work. But, I’d rather wait for a higher probability entry point.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Our great nation is under assault by foreign entities. Our stock exchange is lower by triple digits for two consecutive days and down for the month of January–a great calamity indeed. The prophecy of Jennifer has taken a grip on the hearts and minds of all fair loving seamen and sent shockwaves reverberating throughout the Dry Bulk market, plunging, mind you, rates to absurd levels.

A brand new credit crisis has reared its ugly, tormented head, no different than a Jack in the Box armed with a knife, in China and Argentina. Let’s not forget about the plights of the Ukraine and Turkey, while we’re at it. There is a great satan (no America), a certain and distinct evil out there that is disrupting our way of life.

Just yesterday, I was overwhelmed with joy for ducking the correction, being able to bank coin on a day that dished out its “fair share” of agony and hatred. However, I very much doubt that I will be able to repeat such a feat today.

All of the hallmarks of panic are present: TLT and FXY are going up. Gold and silver are safe havens and volatility is back in play.

These financials vigilantes, terrorists if you will, need to be stopped. I long for the days of last week when stocks went up and I was able to kick my fellow man down a flight of stairs, without having to worry about the ramifications. Now, all of a sudden, reality is taking hold, threatening the virtual world we’ve been trained to adore.

May Bernanke save us.

BTW: ANGI was upgraded today and looks pretty good.

So after the market closed, one of my smallest positions, ATOS, raped their shareholders by announcing a dilutive secondary offering. The result was a stock price careening lower. Naturally, as I type this, I know that there is a small subset of you that believe ATOS is my largest position. There is nothing that would give you that impression, other than the fact that it is down 20% in after hours trading. Nevertheless, the perpetually driven cynicism that lives inside of your morbid brain has already congratulated me for the losses that are to come. Thanks for that!

Nevermind the truth when we have something to throw at Le Fly, hopefully, and God willing, casting a pallor over him that will remain in perpetuity. You’re all sick, carnal beings– savages addled by drugs and toxins–weaker men than most– but diabolical in the highest degree.

And here I am, a humble servant, trying to give you the security necessary to live a fruitful life, a blessed one–such as my own. I toil and then blog, then I toil some more–all for a small sum of money totaling no more than several hundred thousand dollars per annum (net of all expenses, of course).

So, with that in mind, understand that a 20% drop in ATOS, while unfortunate in the small scheme of things, represents an opportunity for Dr. Fly to exert the vast resources available to him–to buy more–whilst still smoking from his pipe–fueled by The Black Swan.

Good night.

You can’t stop me. You can only hope to contain me.

All of my losses for the day have dissipated, poof, like magic. Gone.

The good Doctor will be enjoying his earl greyed tea, momentarily, whilst flicking his cigar ashes into your puddle of tears.

Top picks: ATOS, RPTP, PRAN, BMRN, ANGI.

You were given a week in advance to prepare for this eventuality. I told you “The end was near” when at “The Mountaintop”, yet you stayed for that one final drink of perversion and greed. Truth be told, just yesterday I marveled at my exposure to the market and pondered whether or not it was “wise” to keep buying into the crest. I informed my wife, and this is the truth, that “I hated making money so easily” and wanted to be challenged.

Challenge accepted!

I am all out of my largest position and my 2nd largest position, RPTP, is flat for the day. I am getting my teeth kicked in (pun intended) with GOGO (its CEO was on CNBC yesterday and was disgraced by his abhorrent dental hygiene) and absorbing losses in AFOP and ANGI.

I have other positions in the green, namely ATOS and PRAN. In other words, this courrection, as many on the tele like to call it, is nothing more than mere child’s play, a joke of sorts amongst clowns in the funhouse.

I am not afraid of a pullback because I am rich off of gains, leveraged off my ability, which is God given, to produce money out of the thin air and into my pockets. If I was stripped of everything that I owned and tossed onto the cold streets of Princeton, NJ, I’d make my way back to decadence, slowly but surely, the same way and manner in which it started 17 years ago.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery. Hopefully you have some cash, thanks to yours truly, and might be in a position to buy the blood, wholesale, after this panic has abated.

I told you 2014 would be a very vengeful one for the nerd, Bill Ackman, who is actually as cool as a cucumber if taking into consideration his net worth. However, if judging him on his retail prowess, ability to debate toe to toe with Carl Icahn, or mountain biking with friends and colleagues in Montauk, NY, he is, ergo, a nerd.

Shares of HLF are plunging this morning on news that Massachusetts Senator Markey is calling for the SEC to investigate HLF–because, clearly, they suck. My best guess here is a very effective lobbying campaign took place between Pershing Square and Mr. Markey’s stupid office.

Nevertheless, it’s now Icahn’s move.

By the way, Skippy peanut butter is by far the best tasting peanut butter in the world. I’ve tried every brand made available to me and there is nothing as good as Skippy, which leads me to believe, incidentally, that they are doing something rather nefarious to their product.

Speaking of nefarious, there is a massive contango taking place in the dry bulk market, with Capesize day rates now lower than both Panamax and Supramax. To put that in layman’s terms, that’s like a Mercedes selling less than a Kia, something completely irrational–driven by upright walking pigs who happen to own shipping vessels. The fact of the matter is, the BDI is off to its worst start in 40 years, the blackest of the black swans.

As such, I am all but out of my BALT position, as stated yesterday on this blog and inside of the private confines of The PPT.

SPY futs are getting punched in the face, down 11, due to a weaker than expected Chinese PMI. Who knows? I certainly don’t.

All I know is that I continue to bank coin, up 8% for the year, yet the market always looks like crap.

The global cash horde is now up to $7 trillion, up from $3 trillion back in 2003. Throw in the avarice of those greedy men at private equity and hedge fund firms, and you have a perfect case scenario for mergers and acquisitions or “going private.”

To be short this market is like playing with firecrackers inside of your boxers.

I am very long shares of ANGI, much to your chagrin, and pleased to see it march higher. The same goes with GOGO, PRAN, AREX, RPTP, BMRN, ATOS–just to name a few. I’m also up over 72% on my Facebook purchase, executed in the low $30’s when all of you were laughing at it.

Although I am the first to point out how corrupt and ridiculous this market is, I am also the very first on line to receive my “fair share,” to possess what is rightfully mine–a piece of the American appled pie.

NOTE: I sold all but a few thousand shares of my BALT.

I started a new position in ATOS, sub $3, a play on “breast aspirator” to replace mammograms.

FDA decision due in March.