I Have Some New Names

Typically I hide names that I am researching for fear that some of you pikers will front run me and force me to pay up. But then it dawned on me: we’re in a bull market and you have your own stocks that are ripping higher. You are much less likely to buy mines now than at any other time in the history of the market.

I’ve discovered some very interesting small cap names, most of which are growing rapidly, thinly traded, and filled with promise.

First let me start by saying, I am most bullish on CRTO and SALE out of all of my positions. I believe SALE is in its infancy of providing value to retailers, unlike GRPN. Should SALE trade down tomorrow due to GRPN’s swing and a miss, I will be buying.

Here are the new names.

PRCP- Devil pick
MRIN
SILC
RENT
SMT
STRT
ADEP
CUI
ATTU
NLST
SEV

I am in the beginning stages of research, sifting through reports, listening to conference calls. Right away I am attracted to SEV and STRT for their automobile exposure. Do you know that ignition, lock and key for your car? Odds are it is made by STRT. SEV is a play on electric cars, sans TSLA. They provide parts.

These are all potential home runs; that is the purpose of this exercise. I am not looking for small 20-30% winners. I am looking for a small cap name that I can put a few million behind and let it ride. Sometimes group think helps. Let me know if you like any of them.

To hell with you and your negativity (irony abounds!). “The Fly” is into fast cars (no more than 75mph on the highways) and married women (been married for a long, long time). My largest position was caught masterbating and sent to its room without lunch today; but everything else did swell.

I bought IFON with some start-up speculation loose change, the type of currency found in between the pillows of your couch–no less than $100,000. They have a burgeoning smart phone business in South America, where they trick the indigenous folks into believing their phones are cool. As a matter of fact, they tell them it is Very Kool.

I like this play for the win.

While the market was celebrating in its decadent perversion, no one visited my pawn shoppe. As such, EZPW slid lower. That’s quite all right. I took that opportunity to offer out loans to hard pressed people at absurd interest rates, using their wedding bands and family heirlooms as collateral. With gold inching higher, MARK MY WORDS, the pawn shops are going to win and BIG.

Other than that, I produced a spartan gain of 1% today, laughing all the way to the bank.

BTW: Did I mention The PPT nailed the OVERSOLD signal to the exact low point of the market again?

Indeud.

NOTE: The NSA is unable to access Apple iPhone text messages, because they are encrypted. They do not have such problems with What’s app.

I started a new position in IFON and added to EZPW.

This rally goes out to all of the brick-brained chaps loitering about on Twitter, hoping and praying for a decline. Some of you chastised me for giving up hope on a lost cause, opting for the more optimistic approach to life and industry–getting long stocks and big. Now you understand why I did it, only now it’s too late. Your Zeeco accounts have all but been eliminated from contention– approaching zero in disgraceful fashion. The margin clerks will finish you off this afternoon for good.

You barbarous animal.

Here are my top 5 positions, according to size. Please do not ask me about MVIS, as I no longer follow the company. As far as I’m concerned, they are 7 years too late.

EZPW
CRTO
SPLK
SALE
MA

Other positions of note include EGO, NUS and UNXL.

I realize EZPW is underperforming on this fine day and I do not pretend to know all. However, as sure as I am sitting here, inflation is creeping, like a pervert in the trees. Gold will upswing and losers will frequent EZPW’s shoppes at alarming rates, in the coming months.

Everything is a buy. Text messaging is a $19 billion proposition. Therefore, as logic dictates, BBRY is undervalued! I believe one is able to send text messages via antiquated Black’d Berried device. Also, one might do the same with AOL “instant messenger.”

Last I checked, there was a rudimentary form of communication taking place on the “Yelp” mobile app, where users would leave commentary regarding their favorite pizza parlours. Surely, that too should be worth $20 billion, or 5x what it’s trading for now.

Forget about the “old economy” names. We are into making “bold” moves, made by even bolder men of industry. Throw away your chocolate bars and bowls of Campbell’s soup and embrace the idea that Angie from Angie’s list is your new role model. Buy her shares and toss away your Ralph Lauren wares.

Need I remind you, old chap, that you are reading this commentary from the luxury of the internets, whether it be via desktop platform or even one of two of our mobile apps? What would a person, such as yourself, fancy our app is worth? We have a large community of rich investors, worldwide, perusing our domain, in search, desperate almost, for stock advice. They travel from very far to beg The Option Addict for “new picks” like crack fiends seeking a fix–almost to the point of offering blow jobs in exchange for an idea. Surely, such a place of industry is worth at least a few hundred million, a mere pittance for bold men like Mark Zuckerberg.

Facebook is buying What’s App for freakin’ 19 billion dollars.

Such a valuation, puts What’s App above companies like Ralph Lauren and Cambell Soup. With just 55 employees, it’s fair to say this little, stupid, company just hit the internet lottery.

Tell your stubborn kids to take computer science classes in college and ditch finance.

Coffee, represented by JO, has been the biggest loser for years. It went down, down and down, much to the pleasure of coffee retailers, like SBUX, GMCR and SJM. However, all of that is about to change. Their easy going lives of never having to worry about the peasant coffee farmer asking for too much is ending, rather abruptly.

Sure, SBUX and co have locked in prices, at least for awhile. But prices have broken out, commodities have broken out, which is the overarching trend of 2014. For the year, my commodity index, which is domiciled inside of The PPT, is up nearly 9%.

What’s next to go? Maybe some SOYB, SGG, CORN, WEAT or maybe some BAL?

One thing is for certain: 2014 is not like 2013 or 2012. The commodity rally had teeth and I expect to see gold and silver continue to thrive under these conditions.

Long EGO and EZPW.

Zales is just about the very worst company in the world. But they are being bought out today for $21 per share. Do you know where ZLC traded last year? It traded about 4 bucks per share. In other words, the sages from SIG decided it made sense to buy the debt strapped retailer of diamonds for more than 5x what is was trading for last year.

Are people crazy?

Sure they are.

The problem with shorting stocks is the fact that a ZLC can happen at any given moment. Take GMCR as an example. They reported milquetoast numbers and received a token investment from a hasbeen merchant of sugar water and the stock has gone up 50% since then. Is that reasonable?

I’ll tell you what’s reasonable: to squeeze the faces of the people who are short GMCR until their heads explode. Run up the stock to $200, even $300; no one will stop you. By then, all of the shorts will be dead and you can relieve yourselves on their graves.

It’s one thing to get bearish and raise cash. But it’s a whole ‘nother story betting against stocks, praying for their demise. The odds are forever against your favour.

Despite the tepid futures quotes on my masheen, I am optimistic about today’s bounty and look forward to seeing yet another upside reversal.

We haven’t been down more than 2% in March since 2001 and that was a very special situation, post 9/11. If we were going to trade down, it’d be in February. I gave it the old college try, went to cash, starting conducting black magic rituals at night under the full moon. I even sacrificed some livestock in honour of the stock gods. But nothing worked. This market is fruitier than Rock Hudson.

We’re going higher. And after we’re going higher, we’ll go up some more. We’ll keep repeating this process until the very last bear is shot dead in front of the NYSE.

Knowing that information, are you still angling for “lateral moves” into SPY puts or maybe a little FAZ?

So what the a whole bunch of bankers are committing suicide by shooting nail guns at their heads! That’s what happens when you get depressed.

What are we talking about here? Are we all drunk on stupid or what? There isn’t anything to fear. Earnings are moving quickly into the rear view mirror and the fantasy will soon takeover again. Mergers and acquisitions, FDA trials and rumors, lots of rumors.

I made a mistake when I got cautious. And I know you think that I am making another one right now, getting all boolish again near the highs. After all, The PPT flagged OS when the SPY was at $174. Where’s it trading today?

Follow the liquidity. There’s a raging river of depreciating Japanese Yen out there dying to wash ashore. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it?

The game is just getting started and March, mark my words, is going to be one for the ages.

I still can’t believe FRX got bought out. And I still can’t believe he bought NFLX at $60, and held most of it the whole way. HLF is reporting tonight and I wouldn’t be surprised if they smashed earnings. However, it is the year of Ackman, as his designs of nerdy revenge are thrusting (no homo) full speed ahead.

The victor shall be revealed soon.