Report: Checkpoint in Talks to Acquire Cyberark

Really? According to an Israeli financial site called “The Marker”, Checkpoint is in talks to acquire CYBR, sending shares through the roof.

CYBR has been a dog shit stock, since forever. The entire cyber security space is a fucking sham. The Marker should now post a story, suggesting that Checkpoint changed their mind and decided to sell short CYBR instead. They should post that, AFTER they sell their CYBR and initiate a short position, naturally.

Shares of the cyber security pile of shit peer group and up in sympathy.

This whole story is complicated and seemingly wrought with corruption.

David Tepper-led hedge fund Appaloosa Management LP sued to prevent SunEdison Inc’s yieldco from taking over some of Vivint Solar Inc’s assets after SunEdison acquires the rooftop panel installer.

The yieldco, TerraForm Power Inc, is to acquire Vivint’s residential solar rooftop portfolio after SunEdison completes its acquisition of Vivint.

SunEdison offered to buy Vivint in July.

Shares of SUNE are not enjoying this news.

Game over.

(Drops mic)

He comes across as a very intelligent, well meaning, man. He declares himself to be as centrist (really, who doesn’t?, as opposed to Fed’s Rosengren who just said the latest Fed rate hike went smoothly and was largely “uneventful.”

What the fuck?

Anyway, back to Kaplan. He flat out says his bias is towards “normalizing rates”, which is doublespeak for hiking them. He hedges himself by saying he’s data dependent. Providing everything goes as swimmingly as the last Fed hike, according to Rosengren, Kaplan thinks 2-3 hikes for 2016 is a solid, fucking, idea.

We all know Summers is right. Hell, using the Fed’s own inflation goals of 2%, there is no way the Fed should be hiking interest rates. Nevertheless, here we are, sitting like morons, waiting for the Fed to trip over themselves down a flight of stairs.

In a Bloomberg interview this morning, Summers talks about how inflation rearing its ugly head was remote, manageable, and how the focus should be on growth.

I know, all of you are going to win the Power’d ball tonight, then use the winnings to live out your loafing, self righteous, pathetic lives in sheer gluttony. As for me, I will not be partaking in the homeless man’s weekly gambit. Instead, like any gentleman of distinguishable honor, I will press my rights in the stock’d market.

As we speak, GM upped their earnings forecast. The price of crude is rallying, after whistling past the cemetery. And, SPY futures are comfortably higher.

Once upon a time, I compiled a list of lottery winners and solicited them to invest in stocks. I was young, go getting, and always trying new ideas to get clients. This was the biggest fucking waste of time ever. They were all miserable people, completely devoid of happiness. On more than one occasion, I was told by people who won 20-30 million dollars that the lotto win destroyed their lives. I guess the same could be said about this devil of a stock market.

But let’s stay focused and positive. Everything is lined up for a decent run. Let’s all visit our Voodoo physicians this morning and make blood sacrifices so that we might enjoy some marginal upside in our investments, before resuming the broken elevator cable ride version of this fucked up avocation.

This is non-financial and I hate to distract the audience from all of the awesome fire and brimstone being thrusted upon us, but how the fuck does this happen? Seriously, we’ve been in the Middle East for decades, with a major military force since the 90’s, how in the world did we permit some fuckheads in a flotilla take our boats and 10 Navy sailors?

Did Obama discuss this during his State of the Union, or what some of the morons in the media like to call it SOTU?

“If upon discussion and interrogation, it becomes clear that they intended to carry out intelligence tasks and unrelated work, our authorities will assuredly take necessary measures, Iran does not joke with its national interests,” Sharif told the Tasnim news agency on Wednesday.

The incident risks deepening tensions ahead of the implementation of the U.S.-led July nuclear accord between world powers and Iran, which will lift financial and oil sanctions on the Islamic Republic in return for the curbing of its nuclear activities. It was reported just hours before President Barack Obama was set to deliver his final State of the Union address.

Two U.S. naval craft entered Iranian territorial waters at 4:30 p.m. on Tuesday, the Guards said in a statement on their news website, Sepahnews.ir. The nine men and 1 woman are safe and “in good shape” and were taken to nearby Farsi Island, according to the statement published Wednesday.

U.S. officials said unspecified mechanical trouble with one of the boats caused them to drift into Iranian waters, according to The Associated Press.

“The American presence in the Persian Gulf has never been harmless,” said Guards navy commander Admiral Ali Fadavi, according to the Iranian Students’ News Agency. At the same time he said “the release process for two U.S. boats will not take long and the Guards will act following orders.”

What an inexcusable display of weakness. Then again, I suppose our official foreign policy is to bow down to any Persian demands, which obviously entails surrendering vessels and personnel upon request.

No one likes coal anymore, not even folks from W. Virginia.

The Chinese are moving away from coal, most likely in favor of burning human skeletons instead. While 62% of energy derives from coal, that number is expected to drop mightily as the Chinese citizenry tire from wearing gas masks to the grocery store, choking on coal infused smog during their morning commute.

Overseas shipments into the world’s largest energy consumer declined about 30 percent to 204.06 million metric tons last year, the least since 2011, according to preliminary data released by the Beijing-based General Administration of Customs on Wednesday. The contraction was the largest since 2004, when Bloomberg started tracking the data. Imports in December rose a second month to 17.6 million tons.

Coal demand in China has slid as its economy slows and shifts toward consumer-led growth while the government seeks to cuts industrial overcapacity and curb pollution. The world’s biggest producer of carbon emissions is also trying to cut the use of coal as smog has blanketed cities from Shanghai to Beijing, forcing factories and schools to close and intensifying social unrest.

RIP W. Virginia.

Both Japan and Hong Kong are up 2.5%, while China is flat–unable to rally amidst a flood of forced liquidations from a retail clientele in shambles.

WTI is up 1.5%. DAX futures are up 1.3%. And U.S. futures are up 0.5%. Lots of people are quoting much higher futures data out of the U.S., because they’re morons and do not account for fair value.

Separately, Obama gave his final state of the union address tonight and kindly asked all of you who keep disparaging the U.S. economy, talking shit about it going in decline, to STOP PEDDLING FICTION. The economy is fucking booming. After all, the powerball is $1.5 billion. What country doles out winnings like that?

A fucking rich one, that’s who.

Traitor. Smugly, he apologizes for the dog eating ways of China. Many years ago, Jim uprooted his family and moved to Singapore to raise his children, where he proudly teaches them mandarin because english, apparently, is the language of the savage. In a Bloomberg interview today, he discussed how nothing was extraordinary about current Chinese fuckery. Moreover, he’s short U.S. junk bonds and stocks and generally despises the country that made him a very rich man.

He’s dismissive of China’s currency concerns, saying it has been the best performing currency over the past decade and how a small decline is normal, especially since Chinese citizens are now permitted (Extra Orwell) to take money out from their great walled, lizard eating, nation.