Stevie Cohen Razes His Piece of Shit $62 Mansion to Build a Bigger One

This is reminiscent of when David Tepper, from the Short Hills shopping mall, tore down his former bosses $40 million hovel, mainly to spite him. Enter Stevie Cohen, Guy Fieri fanboy. While escaping imprisonment for the various crimes he committed while being a hedge fund manager, S. Cohen, feverishly, bid for a $62 million, piece of shit, mansion. He won the war. Now begins the arduous process of knocking the eyesore down, in order to build a better one.

That house was a traditional, shingled-style, 10,000-square-footer once owned by the late investment banker Robert McKeon, who committed suicide.

The home featured high ceilings, and antique oak and limestone floors, according to the listing. There was also a lofty, barn-style family room, a media room and a large master suite with ocean views.

Cohen’s new home can’t be bigger than the old one, thanks to the East End’s new anti-megamansion rules. Even underground rooms can’t expand past the width of the ground-floor walls.

The new house will feature a 9,700-square-foot first floor, while the second floor will be 4,620 square feet, and the basement will be 9,780 square feet, according to plans filed in East Hampton. There’s also a pool house.

Cohen already owns another beach mansion down the road on Further Lane, which he bought for $18 million.

I mean, look at this abomination.

Good thing he has another mansion on Further Lane. But, that one is a lot more spartan, only worth around $20 million. It is widely rumored that once construction of his new palace is complete, he will hang this perverted Picasso painting in it, which he purchased for the pedestrian price of $155 million.

I’ve been in the business since 1997. I’ve never seen the Fed talk so much shit. It’s outrageous, frankly. This is, without question, much worse than parsing Greenspan’s unbelievably difficult to understand doublespeak and much harder than determining the next Fed’s actions by the length of Bernanke’s beard.

Hellen’s beard is the longest of them all. This shit is unreal.

In a speech give today, Yellen warned Fed groupies to avoid taking 1 poor economic data point too seriously, calling it ‘transitory.’

The Fed is data dependent. Also, she posed a series of questions, in prepared remarked, asking whether the recent weakness in the jobs report was indicative of Americs being as ‘full employment’?

“Although this recent labor market report was, on balance, concerning, let me emphasize that one should never attach too much significance to any single monthly report,” she said in prepared remarks.

Still, Yellen said that an important theme of her remarks is the “inevitable uncertainty surrounding the outlook for the economy.”

“The uncertainties are sizable, and progress toward our goals and, by implication, the appropriate stance of monetary policy will depend on how these uncertainties evolve,” she said.
Key areas of uncertainty, she said, include the resilience of domestic demand, the international economic situation, productivity growth and the inflation outlook.

On domestic investment, Yellen said she suspects there’s a “transitory element” to recent weakness, but she acknowledged that labor market data “raise the less favorable possibility that firms may instead have decided to expand their operations more slowly.”

On the international front, Yellen said she is optimistic that foreign headwinds are fading, but added that the chance of a so-called “Brexit” could have “significant economic repercussions.” (Britain is holding a referendum on European Union membership later this month.)

“Is the markedly reduced pace of hiring in April and May a harbinger of a persistent slowdown in the broader economy? Or will monthly payroll gains move up toward the solid pace they maintained earlier this year and in 2015? Does the latest reading on the unemployment rate indicate that we are essentially back to full employment, or does relatively subdued wage growth signal that more slack remains?” she asked

She’s a clever one.

The logic is sublime. Since Facebook, Amazon, Netflix and Google look good, the entire market is poised to ‘melt up’, according to HSBC.

They also like industrials.

“The S&P 500 industrials sector has given a bull signal with momentum turning higher on the back of a positive cyclical trend indicator,” the analysts write, meaning that the slope of the 200-day moving average is showing positive momentum that could preface a further move higher.

Meanwhile, the heavyweight FANG stocks have been showing more strength following a tough start to 2016.

“This is further evidence that a melt up in U.S. stocks is becoming an increasing probability,” the HSBC analysts write, noting that the four stocks have broken through a so-called resistance line.

Stocks are melting higher today, incidentally, thanks to dovish comments by Fed’s Lockhart.

Since 2007, the Floridian citrus industry has been decimated due to citrus greening disease. It has afflicted massive damage to 75% of Flordia’s orange trees, which produce half of America’s orange juice. Cost of production has skyrocketed, as a result, and the price of orange juice has risen, in kind.

Today the futures are higher by more than 4%. The June production forecast will be released soon. Over the past 4 months, the forecast has risen steadily, now at 81 million boxes of oranges. Yet, in spite of the additional supply, prices are rising.

My guess, Moritmer and Mortimer are back, or people are gambling on a busy hurricane season.

Chase Coleman III must be half falling off his golf cart, as he attempts to traverse the bumpy roads of the stock market. For the year, thus far, his strategy of loading up on a few tech stocks, then hitting the course for some much needed T time, is sucking extreme dick.

Although his multi billion dollar hedge fund recovered 2.3% in May, his year to date losses still stand, clownishly, at -18%.

Chase the third has been ravaged to pieces in a number of stocks, including JD. More recently, he’s jumped on the Amazon and Netflix bandwagons, hoping the bellwethers will provide him with some outsized performance, so that he might get more time to practice his put.

Unfortunately, judging by his deep losses, he’ll likely be working this summer, foregoing yachting races in Nantucket and polo matches in his backyard.

So sad.

Fed’s Lockhart is out now with words of caution, despite just last week saying we needed to hike 3 more times in 2016. Apparently, Friday’s jobs report really scared the shit out of him. As such, he merely believes we should hike twice more in 2016. Moreover, he’s quite pleased with the way Fed policy has ‘stimulated’ the economy, thus far.

“I think the combination of the jobs report on Friday and the Brexit consideration justify patience.

“We’ll have to see what Janet Yellen has to say at lunch time … I haven’t had a chance to consult with her quite yet,” says Lockhart

“I’m more inclined to think in terms of two moves between now and the end of the year”

Morons of the very first magnitude.

Lockhart is widely viewed as a hawk and is on record saying June would be a ‘live’ meeting. This new dovish tone by Lockhart might provide succor for equity longs today.

Just this morning, three piece of shit biotech stocks got fucked by the FDA–all down upwards of 40%. The Obama administration has been very pro science, which has paved the way for gigantic rallies in biotech stocks. This wasn’t always the case under Bush, who regularly pandered to a psychotic religious right who detested science in favor of  Jesus cookies. Even with Obama’s Frankenstonian era of wanton experimentation and $500,000 aspirins, investing in the space can be a harrowing experience.

Case in point, today’s fucked face inverse lottery winners: ADMP, OCUL and DNAI.

We’ve all heard the success stories of people throwing all of their money into one biotech stock, making millions in the process. During last year’s iBC investors conference, I was entreated to such a tale. But, trust me when I tell you, many more men have taken to the flask, investing in this God foresaken industry than any other in the market.

Buy an ETF or at least screen for companies who already enjoy revenues. To invest in early stage R&D facilities is nothing short of gambling.

Raise your hands if you’re surprised. Goldman came up with a new way to measure the amount of debt in China’s banking system, measuring loans from banks to non-bank financials, and the results showed China has no idea what they’re doing.

Faced with an increasingly tangled system of financing and a money supply measure that doesn’t fully encapsulate new credit creation, the Goldman analysts opt to take a slightly different approach to gauge the strength of China’s recent credit boom. They look at the (adjusted) flow of money emanating from households and companies and going into various financial investments.

On that basis, China’s credit creation came in at 24.6 trillion yuan ($3.7 trillion) last year — far outstripping the 16 trillion yuan increase in money supply and the 19 trillion yuan of TSF.

“Such a scale of deterioration [in China’s leverage] certainly increases our concerns about China’s underlying credit problems and sustainability risk,” the Goldman analysts conclude. “The possibility that there is such a large amount of shadow lending going on in the system that is not captured in official statistics also points to [a] regulatory gap, and underscores the lack of visibility on where potential financial stress points may lie and how a possible contagion may play out.”

Nevermind all of this unpleasantness. Go about your busy days, drinking your fucking lattes, sopping up Chinese stocks because the charts look good.

You’re all a very visual, emotional people, unable to discern the difference between livestock and an equity stock. In case you’ve been interested in tapping into the old bank account to purchase some Chinese A shares, like our good friend Jim ‘Bow’d Tie Head’ Rogers, take a look at this video and BEHOLD the absurd valuations of a nation whose sole focus is to build islands in the middle of the sea, in order to control energy routes and fisheries.

Before this century is up, we will blow up their islands.

I grew up in Brooklyn at a time when it wasn’t cool. It was dangerous to walk around in today’s hipster neighborhoods, places where brownstones fetch $3 million, up from 250k, back in the 1990s. I’ve never seen shittier homes selling for such high prices. Broken down, piece of shit, houses are selling for a million dollars, in horrible neighborhoods filled with burglars and rapists. You have no idea.

Enter Dime Savings Bank of ‘Williamsburgh’. They’re offering exorbitant interest rates of 1.1% for deposits in order to lend into this bubble. What.can.go.wrong?

As of March, the bank, whose parent company, Dime Community Bancshares, has been publicly traded since 1996, had $5.5 billion in assets, up by $1 billion since the end of 2014. JPMorgan Chase & Co., the nation’s largest bank, is 439 times as big as Dime, with assets of $2.4 trillion.

Lending on apartment buildings used to be a tougher business. One in 10 New Yorkers left the city during the 1970s, and those who remained faced a surging crime rate. City neighborhoods were deteriorating. Mahon would sometimes arrive at the bank on a Monday to find burned-out cars smoldering on the corner.

Now the city’s 8.6 million residents face a housing shortage. The value of apartment buildings has soared, and owners have a steady stream of rent checks to borrow against. Dime lent out $1.3 billion last year, up 37 percent from 2014. It continued to step up real estate lending this year, originating $377 million in loans in the first quarter.

To keep up with the demand, Dime needs deposits, and the customers at its 25 New York-area branches have only so much cash to save. Plus, it’s difficult for any bank to win new clients, said Collyn Gilbert, an analyst with Keefe, Bruyette & Woods Inc. Changing banks can be a hassle. “To get deposits in the door, you really need to pay up for them,” Gilbert said.

Last year, Dime began touting its 1.1 percent rate on money market deposits, using banner ads, Bankrate, and other websites. Online customers came from all over the U.S., especially the Northeast, California, and Florida. Since the beginning of 2015, the bank’s deposits are up 30 percent, or $814 million, with most of the new cash in money market accounts. In the last quarter alone, Dime took in $305 million in deposits.

In a sickening gesture to lure bicycle riding hipsters into his banks, Mahon, its CEO, is catering to the younger generation through moronic design.

The new branch at Williamsburg’s Bedford Avenue will look more like a coffee shop than a bank, with big doors opening onto the sidewalk, welcoming pedestrians to stop in and charge their phones. Light fixtures made from mason jars will illuminate the coffee counter. The goal is to appeal to the neighborhood’s young, new residents in a way that Dime’s 1908 headquarters does not.

Why is he doing this? Well, the answer is very obvious.

For millennials, Mahon said, “It’s a little bit of an obstacle to come into a big limestone building.”

The next generation is one rife with fucking imbeciles.