SURRENDER!

There is no need for “The Fly” aka “Senor Tropicana” aka “Old Man Killa” aka “Plutonium Petey” (my name is not Petey) to risk his assets. He already won.

I’ll have you know, whether you appreciate it or not, I have mountains of capital gains, thus far. Moreover, I don’t need your advice.

I know that came out of left field, in a very unsolicited/assholish type of way; but it’s true.

The banks have vomited all over themselves, and I have not. At this juncture, I have decided to start covering my bank shorts, even though I feel they go lower. In order to save myself the hassle of posting egregious “Fly Buy/Sell” blogs, consider this post your fucking memo.

From [[PACW]] to [[BBT]], I have had my fill. It’s time for me to move on, retire, and open up an old man walking cane factory. Sadly enough, I believe many of those “old man canes” will be faulty, causing millions of elderly men to fall down multiple flights of stairs.

Upon reading this post, I am sure many of you “cup fuckers” will cry foul. You will say: “Hmmbbahh grafggh jaromba kalalaka.”

Just know, “The Fly” doesn’t speak your caveman dialect, nor does he wish to visit your home for a fine Chardonnay.

Top picks: short [[MXB]], short [[CLF]]

I sold short 3,000 [[CLF]] @ $99.50.

Disclaimer: If you sell short CLF because of this post, you will become addicted to oil. And, you may lose money.

I covered some of my [[FMBI]] short, buying 10,000 @ $16.60. And, I covered some of my [[TCB]] short, buying 10,000 @ $10.85.

I bought 2,000 [[FXP]] @ $84.95.

Disclaimer: If you buy FXP because of this post, aliens will fuck up your corn crop. And, you may lose money.

The market is trying to bounce here; but the fucking banks are not cooperating. Once again, they need a catalyst to sprint higher. You can’t buy them on weakness. Look at [[FED]], [[WB]], [[FMBI]], etc. I can go on and on.

The fact of the matter is, investors are deathly afraid of the banks, especially the regional variety. My shorts in FMBI, [[TCB]], [[PACW]] and [[BBT]] are working just fine.

However, it’s worth noting, non-bank shorts are not doing too well. My positions in [[FXP]], [[REW]], [[TWM]], [[SMN]] and [[CLF]] are clubbing me to sleep. Fuck, just looking at CLF makes me want to go take a nap.

Other banks on my hit list include:

On the long side, I like [[RIG]], [[HANS]] and [[RIMM]] for a trade.

NOTE: [[MXB]] is 10 points rich too. I like to bet against the name. However, at the moment, the volume is very thin.

Gameover, Motherllamas.

Geneva – The global financial crisis could lead to losses of 1,600 billion dollars for financial institutes, according a report in the Swiss Sunday newspaper SonntagsZeitung. It quoted a confidential study by the hedge fund Bridgewater Associates as saying losses for banks holding risky assets could be four times greater than the 400 billion dollars previously estimated. 

The hedge fund expressed doubts that the financial institutes would be able to drum up enough funds to cover the losses, something it said could exacerbate the crisis. 

Bridgewater, one of the world’s biggest hedge funds, based its calculations on the state of risky debt-based US assets, such as mortgages, credit and credit card demands. 

The value of such risky assets is 26,600 billion dollars, according to the hedge fund. The losses would amount to 1,600 billion dollars if these assets were valued at market rates and not in the form of securitization, the newspaper said.

UPDATE: Never mind. Tropical Storm Bertha is a fucking fish storm.

Better luck next time.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3K39FEob8w&feature=related 450 300]

Larry Kudlow, Asshat

What better way to celebrate the 4th of July than giving “Larry of America” an Asshat award?

I like Larry. I really do.

If he and I were friends, I’d probably drink a few bottles of whiskey with him, then challenge him to a game of knuckle punching.

However, this man is out of control. A regular lunatic he is.

Look, the country is fucked. Okay? Quit fucking around, telling people shit is good, when 3/4th’s of American industry is distressed.

As you know by now, Larry likes to play games on the television. He invites a cast of ridiculous permabulls to his show, then proceeds to have circle jerks with them, talking about bullish shit—while dismissing the negatives as “nonsense.”

What this sick bastard does next is reprehensible. He invites reasonable people to join him for a discussion about the economy, like Barry; then he proceeds to attack that one guy for being a “doom and gloomer,” with the rest of his circle jerk panel echoing his sentiments.

A real sick bastard, that Kudlow is. Sicko!

Ironically, Larry believes he is “doing right” by the American people, via offering optimistic jargon. However, in reality, he is nothing more than a propagandist for the fucktards who made this mess. My guess, Larry’s stupefied rants have resulted in an increase in the foreclosure rate, due to loyal viewers blindly buying stocks, no matter what, on his advice.

For that, Mr. Larry of America, you get an Asshat award.

Happy 4th, fuckers.

I sold short 3,000 [[CLF]] @ $96.

Disclaimer: If you sell short CLF because of this post, some jerk off will throw a pack of jumping jacks in your car. And, you may lose money.