A Special Message From Merlin

Poof. Your bullshit host, “Fly,” is gone—off to have his staples removed.

-Merlin

As soon as the Fed announced that they were going to clown rape you [[UYG]] dip buying motherfuckers, my television went offline.  I find that to be fishy.

Anyway, the Fed is not here to help, gentleman. I suppose the republicans have finally remembered their laissez faire ways, and is making wall street pay for its sins.

Fair enough. I can live with that.

I just bought a small truckload of [[SKF]] , [[SRS]] and shorted 3,000 Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] .

NOTE: Stop dip buying, assholes. Credit default swaps are through the roof. Down we go.

For you banking lovers, you must go pray that American International Group, Inc. [[AIG]] gets a nice big government block of cheese. For bears, it’s time to sit back and watch events unfold, while lining up some good shorts.

Either way, this mess will not end nicely.

On the top of my list is AXA (ADR) [[AXA]] . They have so much exposure, in so many different asset classes; I cannot envision their shares going on any substantial rally.

Also, for some reason California based banks are running. I guess the theory is FIFO (first in, first out). But, that is assuming the housing market has bottomed in California and banks are flush with cash.

I’ll take the opposite side of that trade. I will look to sell short [[FED]] , PacWest Bancorp [[PACW]] , East West Bancorp, Inc. [[EWBC]] and Wells Fargo & Company [[WFC]] .

God willing, Vulcan Materials Company [[VMC]] will continue its dive lower. I think it is a good short, right here, or anything over $65.

And, if the market rallies, asset management stocks should go higher. My favorite death spiral shorts are Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] and Pzena Investment Management, Inc. [[PZN]] , with a little Janus Capital Group Inc. [[JNS]] for good measure.

Finally, expect to see the market rally today. Line up your shorts, while placing your hedging longs.

As you know, personally, I like the energy complex as a hedge against the banks. In that space, I like National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , Western Refining, Inc. [[WNR]] , [[DIG]] and ConocoPhillips [[COP]] .

I bought 10,000 Western Refining, Inc. [[WNR]] @ $10.55.

Disclaimer: If you buy WNR because of this post, you will come down with an egregious case of appendicitis. And, you may lose money.

Here we go again. Charlie “meatball” Gasparino is at it again, spreading incredibly egregious rumors of a possible government bailout of American International Group, Inc. [[AIG]] .

More often than not, Charlie is not only wrong: he’s exactly wrong.

Of course it sucks to have the market steam roll you, based upon a rumor. However, the market was down 500 points yesterday, for fucks sake. You didn’t think it would go down forever, did you?

My approach is simple:

Do not cover any shorts, while this great unwinding takes place. Instead, use capital to hedge or scalp trades.

With that being said, into a meaningful bounce (300 points or more), I will look to short more AXA (ADR) [[AXA]] , Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] , Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] , Fifth Third Bancorp [[FITB]] , Marshall & Ilsley Corporation [[Mi]] , Vulcan Materials Company [[VMC]] and PacWest Bancorp [[PACW]] .

There is always the chance that the market can go on an extended run, with assholes thinking the worst is behind us. However, just remember, in the real world the economy is fucked up. It’s not isolated in the banks anymore. The lack of liquidity is incredibly deflationary, which by the way is far worse than inflation.

Revisit some of your Great Depression text books for reference.

Should Gasparino’s bullshit rumors come true, get long energy stocks, via [[DIG]] , for the dollar will get boot stomped from here to Japan.

NOTE: The decline in Morgan Stanley [[MS]] is starting to become “alarming.”

My Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] short is working like a fucking slave right now. Well, not like a real slave. Instead, GS is like some sort of person or thing that makes you a lot of money, without having to actually compensate that entity, similar to how the workers from Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. [[WMT]] get treated.

Book value for GS is now down to $99. That’s precisely where it is going. Giddy-up—fuckfaces.

Which reminds me, what happened to all of the dicks who were hardcore Goldman ball lovers? I mean, all the guys who said “Goldman is a premier franchise.” I HATE when people say that. There is no such thing.

The way I see it, everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame or glory, but it never lasts. Look at American International Group, Inc. [[AIG]] . That company had the 2nd biggest market cap in the country a few years back, now they’re sleeping with the sardines.

Seriously, never listen to people who go on television to voice their opinions. First of all, men who need to whore themselves on TV are insecure and big time bloviators. They just want to hear themselves talk and say all sorts of gay shit.

Instead, listen to anonymous malcontents on the internet. As you know, the internet NEVER lies.

Back to business:

I am having my face punched in, via my long oil positions. It’s starting to make a dent. How much lower canFreeport-McMoRan Copper & Gold Inc. [[FCX]] go? I don’t know. How much lower can AIG go?

Answer: not much more.

Keep your eyes on Citigroup Inc. [[C]] and Morgan Stanley [[MS]] . Both of those names look “graveyard sick.” I would not be surprised to see C go all the way.

Finally, assholes are buying Wells Fargo & Company Wells Fargo & Company [[WFC]] again. Understanding the severity of an AIG bankruptcy, I cannot cover my numerous short positions. However, I will add to my longs—just in case the Fed tried to pump up equities.

NOTE: I stopped out of my Wachovia Corporation [[WB]] .

All of the men you see above are asshats, albeit for different reasons, but asshats nonetheless. In some shape or form, with exclusion to Saddam Hussein (Saddam always gets an asshat award, no matter what), all of the asshats feautured above ruined the world and torpedoed the average investor—with great vigor.

I can elaborate as to why Vikram Pandit and Ken Lewis should be in prison for 30 years and why Dick Bove should get the electric chair (ol’ sparky); however, I am busy now and do not have time to fuck around with assholes on the internet.

Just know, they all deserve what’s coming to them and more, with exception to Saddam Hussein, since he already received the gallows.

I am giving out emergency asshat awards, first thing tomorrow morning. I am having the trophies shined up  real nice, right now.

In the meantime, American International Group, Inc. [[AIG]] just had their debt downgraded for them. It’s all over. They will be filing for bankruptcy protection by Wednesday, despite what you SKF to $80 tools say.

The gravity of a sitting Dow 30 component filing bankruptcy protection is huge, and entirely fucktarded, all at once.

Aside from the massive amount of exposure to AIG debt and preferreds, remember who is long the common, for they will be assclown fucked in early trading tomorrow. My favorite shorts are [[AXA]] and [[LM]].

AXA (ADR) (AXA: 28.13 -10.90%) : 161 million shares

State Street Corporation (STT: 69.53 -3.03%) : 96 million shares

Barclays PLC (ADR) (BCS: 21.48 -14.69%) : 94 million shares

The Bank of New York Mellon Corporation (BK: 36.56 -8.49%) : 31 million shares

Legg Mason, Inc. (LM: 36.30 -10.15%) : 29 million shares

Northern Trust Corporation (NTRS: 84.09 -3.44%) : 29 million shares

T. Rowe Price Group, Inc. (TROW: 53.98 -6.02%) : 23 million shares

Janus Capital Group Inc. (JNS: 21.67 -8.60%) : 19 million shares

Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. (GS: 135.50 -12.13%) : 17 million shares

Morgan Stanley (MS: 32.19 -13.54%) : 16 million shares

Bank of America Corporation (BAC: 26.55 -21.31%) : 16 million shares.

As far as the debt is concerned, the holders are foreign governments and large banking institutions. Essentially, this credit crisis destroyed the fucking world as we know it, yet the SEC and the fucking assholes from FINRA are too busy going after penny stock promoters. Fucking asshole motherfuckers.

Can someone please go to jail for this? Anyone?

Maybe we can start off with the tanned man in the Lambo?

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjtEQjLwqf4&feature=related 450 300]

You assholes better not question “The Fly’s” time machine usage, ever again.

Do you think it’s a coincidence that on the same day I am released from profanity prison, Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] files for bankruptcy protection? Come on. I’ve been “fortune cookieing” those cocksuckers for months now. This is called perfect symmetry.

I’ve been meaning to tell you assholes off, for a long time now. It’s been building up inside of me, like some sort of profanity filled volcano, minus the lava and other volcanic materials.

From this day forth, never question Senor Tropicana’s market wizardry—not matter how egregious his losses may appear to be. Just know, I have this stock game locked the fucked down, fuckface, like some sort of prisoner of war—minus the prison and absence of any semblance of a real war.

Into the fire, I am buying more [[SRS]] and shorting more Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] . I expect the fucktards, who make our cheese (government), will make a valid attempt to manipulate this fucker (market) higher. However, just know, the economy has yet to tank, meaning the writedowns and earnings shortfalls have only just begun.

As I write this, the Gov’t cheese makers are asking Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] to help fund American International Group, Inc. [[AIG]] . The funny shit is, inside of 6 months, GS will need help too. The way the big white shoe firms are structured, none of them will make it, including GS and Morgan Stanley [[MS]] . They will have to merge with traditional deposit based banks, in order to fuck America a little more directly.

In closing, evil Fly is back, with the fury and stamina of 100 mountain lions inside a locked Lehman conference room, filled with iBankers.

Top pick: Fuck Bill Miller, via shorting Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]]

NOTE: You are witnessing a Dow 30 component about to go bankrupt, in AIG. Next is Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , then General Motors Corporation [[GM]] .