Get Back in the Pipe Drain

Markets like this, everyone is a loser. Unless of course you are spinning around your 5 figure internet brokerage account 100mph, this tape is next to impossible to game. My first inclination, staying in cash, was the correct course of action.

Instead, I’ve been chasing my fucking tail around, like a wet dog, getting beat along the way.

The only silver lining to my recent moves: I kept many longs. The downside: I bought many shorts.

Who knows where this bitch of a whore of a tape will go next. All I know, this fucking cocksucking bastard will go lower, eventually.

Believe me, I am tempted to blow out of the FAS that I bought yesterday right now. As a matter of fact, if I sold right now, I would be booking a profit, which is unbelievable considering where it was earlier today. However, I do not trust anything. So, having both long and shorts is the equivalent of being in cash, providing the spreads are not out of whack.

Long story short: expect the best; but hope for the worst.

Until the voices in my head tell me to make a move, I will cling onto my cash position (12%), as if my balls were were dipped in turpentine then lit aflame.

Just get back in the fucking pipe drain you fucking troll.

I equate this mornings rebalancing act to getting punched in the balls, then putting on a safety cup, after the fact.

Look, I will not get everything right, day in and day out. But, at the end of the proverbial day, “The Fly” wins all the time. If you are new to this site and do not believe me, go ahead, bet against me and see where it gets you.

Anyone can make a few pesos on a lucky trade or hot steak. Try doing this shit for a decade or longer, then get back to me.

Back to my point. Bob Doll, asshole CIO from BLK, is driving his company into the fucking ground, with his circle jerk bullishness. As far as assets under management, Bob is a fucking God, with more than $300 billion under his guard. However, every time that man gets on CNBC or Bloomberg, he reminds me of Bill Miller, constantly apologizing for the markets.

He is doomed for abject failure.

Without a doubt, it sucks big time to be in the “long only” asset management field. I never quite understood the rationale behind forcing managers to be 95% long or more, at all times. As a result of such inane rules, the collective 401k plans in America have been set back a good decade or two.

Well done.

I’m not calling for a huge crash or anything—not yet at least. With regards to today’s moves, I just needed to put some cash to work, in order to hedge my longs—for peace of mind, if anything.

As of yesterday’s close, I was up 14% year to date. I don’t want to give it back, due to some misguided emotional hunch on the market. I much rather tailor my investments to reflect the dire scenario the world finds itself in, economically.

When in doubt, slow shit down.

UPDATE: This is where your fucking tax dollars are going. You have to love Thain and his American Psycho ways.

I sold out of my TNA, just south of $24.25.

I bought REW, just south of $81.40, SRS, south of  $61.90, DUG, south of $25.80 and EEV, south of $64.40. Also, almost forgot, I sold out of URE around $4.35.

Currently, I am 45% long, 40% short and 15% cash.

UPDATE: I sold out of ABB, just south of $12.30

Fucking NYC weather is sadistic. My bones are still rattling from the cold weather. I need to get the hell out of New York, in exchange for some island—where I can throw sand at people and drink healthy servings of bourbon, while watching the sun set.

In other news, it appears I am going to get sucked back into the market, 100%. Today’s economic news (jobless claims, housing starts) is being viewed as bad. As a result, stocks are getting their faces punched in.

Much to my chagrin, I find myself saddled with a bunch of longs. To offset any further deterioration, I may be forced to spend the rest of my cash on shorts, namely DUG and FAZ.

Sure, I could fuck around with individual names. However, I took it upon myself to buy FAS, UYM, amongst others. Therefore, if I want to stop the bleeding, I am forced to take on some 200-300% downside etf’s, or just sell out of my longs.

I could sell the longs and just call it a day. But, I find it far more interesting to navigate the market with both long and shorts running simultaneously.

At the end of the day, this market is fit for the criminally insane. The daily fluctuations are enough to drive any man to a remote island in the Caribbean— for an extended vacation.

Most of the time, short sellers are right. When you see a stock with a huge short position, it’s because intelligent people did the research to find out how bad the underlying company blows. However, during periods of glee and outright joy, heavily shorted stocks can provide traders with big dicked gains, in short order.

I compiled a short list of names worth perusing and monitoring, in the event the market rallies for more than 2 days. (Note: I have zero patience with heavily shorted stocks, mainly because they are ticking time bombs. If I am unable to catch the inflection point, most of the time, I sell heavily shorted names within 3 days—and move on.)

Remember, most of the stocks below are shorted for a reason. Failure to adhere to strict risk management guidelines can lead to your dumb ass getting “River Twiced” on such said names.

SYNA
CMG
FSYS
NFLX
LTM
FDS
UA
BKE
GNK
NRF
WNR

Woodshedder special request:

In other news, I am so glad, as well as comforted, that the old hack boss from Time Warner, Parsons, is the new Chairman of [[C]]. I am sure Carl Icahn is equally pleased, if not more!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDSK3qmj_lo 450 300]

I didn’t want to get long egregious amounts of stock; but I had to. My hand was forced by that fucking asshat Ken Lewis, CEO, Bank of America.

Granted, prior to the report that he bought 200,000 shares in the open market, “The Fly” was nibbling on select equities. However, after I was informed of that news, I bought millions worth of a variety of names, namely ABB, FAS, PFG and UYM.

In addition, I hedged out the remainder of my SRS position, going long URE.

I am still short oil, via ERY and DUG. I am prepared to buy them both lower. It really is a negligible pair of positions, in comparison to my new longs.

Bottom line: I am 50% long, 10% short and 40% cash. My neighbors are members of the Italian mafia and I am so fucking sick of this bastard of a market.

Nonetheless, I ended the day higher, thanks in large part to my Godly buys. I’ll have you know, the losses in my shorts were and are entirely meaningless. I will also have you know, I intend on making Donkey Kong coin in EEV, SRS, ERY and DUG, in due time.

NOTE: God willing, I will get the opportunity to buy back FAZ in the low $40’s. God willing.

I allocated 50% of my cash in the above names, FAS, south of $9.20, ABB, south of $12.50, PFG, south of $15.50, URE, south of $4.45, UYM, south of $12.80 and TNA, south of $24.70

Disclaimer: Just watch.

I should have stayed in cash and ate sandwiches. Instead, in my infinite wisdom, I went long a financial that traded off from my basis and I bought some 300% short oil garbagio that cut off my fucking head. Between yesterday and today’s small trades, I built up a quick 40k+ paper loss.

While 40k may seem like a lot to most of you bar hoppers, it is of small consequence to Senor Tropicana.

However, losing money is not something that should be afflicting me and I worry, with great intensity, that my early losses will force me out of retirement, effectively depleting my cash reserves.

After all, if so inclined, I can just sell out DUG, ERY and PFG and make believe it never happened. But that would mean capitulating in the face of abject stupidity, as the retarded Texas tea baggers at XOM near $80 per share.

I will not capitulate.

So, the only course of action is to begin a campaign of effective dollar cost averaging. Being that I already dug myself a small ditch, I will refrain from buying more, until I am able to obtain a decidedly lower price or an inflection point arises.

With other capital, I am somewhat optimistic about the near term prospects for the markets and may begin buying some stocks, later on this afternoon.