iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,991 Blog Posts

Digging Out From a Hole

I was greeted with misfortune this morning, as I sashayed into the office, aloof, with moron positions. First things first, I sold it all and then went to work on making it all back. I started out -150bps and have since TRIMMED said losses to just 40bps. I am 65% cash, with a strong eye for the tape and disposition to get the job done. I know when I am hot or not. I am most definitely on the upswing now.

In regards to Stocklabs — we are 90% sure we will begin inviting all of you who signed up for beta come Monday. I apologize for the delay and I do not like not accepting new customers. However, during the transition from Exodus to SL, we had many migration issues to deal with, most of which have been solved and we are almost ready to accept NEW MEMBERS into our ranks.

To properly be a member of Stocklabs, the following is required of you.

You must be at least 6’2, less than 13% body fat. Those rules apply to females as well. I suggest you wear high heels whilst in the service to feign a tall height.

Your PC must be new, 32gb and cost at least $2k.

You must have a minimum of 4 monitors. If you do not, we will find out and cancel your subscription.

STRICT DRESS CODE does apply even though it is an online service. If we find out you are not wearing a tuxedo, top hat, white gloves and a cane — we will cancel your subscription.

Lastly, please comport yourselves as gentlemen. This applies to females as well. We do not like riff-raff and I haven’t done a free trial in years. I am almost cringing at the idea of all the mountebanks of this site and Twitter loitering inside of our great halls — denigrating its holiness with their indecorous plebeian ways. Learn how to comport oneself, otherwise we will cancel your subscription.

Good day.

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One comment

  1. roguewave

    Are wifebeater shirts permitted under the tux?

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    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"

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