iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,452 Blog Posts

Markets Post Up Another Four Hundo — Money is Easy to Make and Fun

I strolled into work whenever the hell I felt like it. I did not bother looking at the time, but awoke from my slumber when I felt like doing so. For breakfast, I had had eggs on a toasted brioche, with a latte, and some greek yogurt. I helped myself to three cups of coffee, not because I wanted to — but because I could.

After achieving +200%+ for the year last week, I decided that I wanted even more money. In the morning I had just 4 stocks, all up, so I sold them.

TPR +2.8%
JMIA +9%
BBBY +5.2%
WMC +17.2%

Then I decided I wanted to make more money, so I bought several others and sold them later on — one or two within 10 minutes. Pardon my lack of detail, for I do not abide, nor do I recognize, your form of time measurement.

CSU +24.5%
IZEA +23%
ZAGG +18.5%

Some might argue I am greedily swimming in the market and perverting the stock game to fit my needs. That is precisely what I am doing. Let me be clear, I am trying to lose money. I closed out the session long 45%, all fucked stocks, SPACs, warrants, bad bad companies. You will watch me sell these names tomorrow for obscene profit. Money is easy to make and fun — nothing at all can stop me from acquiring more of it.

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

Even though market rocked for +461 today to new record highs, this isn’t for the faint of heart. As a matter of fact if you’ve been following me for months, stop now and just watch me. This is the part of the show where you watch in awe at the spectacle, peruse others performing acts of amazement for a gob-smacked crowd.

It takes large testicles to trade in a market like this. I just so happen to have the largest balls in the world.

Good day to you and see you tomorrow in Exodus.

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20 comments

  1. og

    WTF is going on with stocks like HTZ CHK?

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    • Dr. Fly

      Bankruptcy is bullish

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  2. trumpmeister

    Men with real testicles don’t liquidate winners and bought them later today at higher prices. Peace. Congrats on being able to have cocaine now.

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    • Dr. Fly

      I sell when I want whenever the hell I feel like selling. I do not need to hold onto stocks like weaker men, because I can recreate the conditions for winship whenever I feel like it.

      Prove me wrong.

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  3. trumpmeister

    I spent 20K of furniture in the past 2 weeks doing my part to boost this economy. F the bear shitters who bet against America.

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    • lifini4850

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  4. trumpmeister

    Lol can anyone provide a link of Fly retirement post? Man, we’re having too much fun here while making a lot of money.

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    • trumpmeister

      Nm. found it. Most of the stuff in that post were legit concerns. I can’t fault Fly for acting like a biyatch back then.

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  5. purdy

    This (he said as he remembered the news he’d read throughout the day) …this while we’re still able to just print the immediate costs away.

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  6. purdy

    Amazing performance …y’all have to acknowledge that Fly has been killing it!

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    • purdy

      …although it’s hard to care all that much when compared to our beloved country lying itself to death.

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    • trumpmeister

      Hopefully he’s smart enough to keep it this time instead of turning his winnings to loosings, and then resort to selling us about his subscription to the Time Machine to raise capital.

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  7. discoordinated

    There is a midget with a purple beard waiting to murder this market.

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  9. tjnyt

    Rats scurrying for the exits.

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  10. riotact

    “Money is Easy to Make and Fun”
    This is the greatest title ever lol. Hilarious.

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