18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,567 Blog Posts

Trading Stocks is Fun and Easy to Do

I woke up this morning and had another runner. It’s not a big deal really, only a 12% sprinter out of the gates. I sold TWOU for profit and now find myself hampered with an outrageous cash sum of 5%, not knowing where to place it. Maybe one of you could offer me an idea or two? This poor Fly is getting old and his brain doesn’t work like it once did. Maybe you could find the kindness inside of your little hearts to offer me some financial advice so that I might profit and perhaps earn enough money to eat a steak sandwich one day?

Just kidding — and the fuck out of here.

Do you think a man, such as myself, motherufucking Space Alien Magician (SAM) would ever take advice from the likes of you? You’re part of the reader class of people, whilst I am the writer, the artist — toiling atop of a hot hot laptop, trading like the fucking wind. Any idea how hard it is to do this shit?

NOT HARD AT ALL, as a point in fact — because I am of genius intellect. I can spit out trades and blogs like spitting gun out into a baseball field in between innings. It comes natural to me. I can pick a fucking stock today, and see it run higher tomorrow. I do this shit all the time.

Will I teach you to become a better trader?

ABSOLUTELY NOT. The fuck out of here with that shit. If you’re 40 years old and can’t trade well — you never will trade well. You are here simply for the fish that I provide. This is a white glove service, old sport. Enjoy it while it lasts — because nothing lasts forever.

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