iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,430 Blog Posts

A Day in the Glorious Life of The Fly

Scrubbed all last night until my hands were raw from chemicals — making sure I did ‘a good job.’ Exhausted from a week without sleep, crashed after a hot shower at around 2am while watching a YouTube video about cooking on my phone.

Woke up very early to the nervous chattering teeth of my coyote at 5:30am because she had to relieve herself in my yard. As I made my way down the stairs, an allergy attack afflicted me, so I took some Claritin. After the coyote came back in, I washed her paws to prevent her from dragging in mud and giving our home a homeless man aesthetic.

I went back to sleep for another 2 hours and then hopped in the shower and then did some yard work, cleaned some windows, and then turned on every single light in the house — while also packing in a bunch of stuff into my car — to de-personalize the house and make it look like ghosts lived in it.

I sat down at Panera Bread for a coffee and a croissant and my coyote immediately diarrhea’d all over the concrete and my other idiot dog shit a log in the adjacent garden. I had to clean up both — because everyone else was too disgusted and their sensitive natures made it impossible to be of any use.

After breakfast, I drove a car filled with people around to various stores and sat idle with dogs in a heavily air conditioned car while they spent money on meaningless things. After an hour or two (who’s counting?) — I drove back home, shut off all the lights, turned on some Duke Ellington music, and opened up my laptop to write this blog.

Looking ahead, I envision myself eating out tonight, partaking in more toil, crashing after a hot shower — while watching some chef cook something I’m not going to make anytime soon (can’t cook in house while we’re trying to sell it).

Presently exhausted — hoping to catch my first wind.

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13 comments

  1. tmmdn0

    And, you go to the trouble of recording these events in a most entertaining fashion!
    Unbelievable.
    They’re going to erect a large bronze statue of yourself, Civil War style, in your new home town square.

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  2. mx2101

    Your phone has a hot plate? 🙂
    But seriously, I enjoy your blog greatly.

    Today I drove by a house that is presently under contract, because I wanted to see it in person. Such a difference between online and in-person real estate impression. I’m sure you know some sellers appear to be using image enhancement in their online photos.

    This house is smaller in real-life.
    A bit worn around the edges, like me.
    It looks so delicate, like it might blow away; but it hasn’t. For decades….

    Brightened my day to see a house that is not cookie-cutter, with that God-damned vinyl siding.

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  3. metalleg

    “I had to clean up both — because everyone else was too disgusted and their sensitive natures made it impossible to be of any use.”

    Parallel universe.

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  4. spaceman

    What is it about New Jersey?
    https://weather.com/forecast/allergy/l/USNJ0497:1:US

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  5. it is showtime
    it is showtime

    So those of you who said it was Irrational-Exuberance, 2 years ago, 3 years ago, 4 years ago, do you ‘get’ now, that it was much more of a controlled market? As I said?

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    • MSGT HARTMAN

      The apostrophe (‘ or ’) character is a punctuation mark, and sometimes a diacritical mark, in languages that use the Latin alphabet and some other alphabets. In English it is used for several purposes:
      The marking of the omission of one or more letters (as in the contraction of do not to don’t).
      The marking of possessive case of nouns (as in the eagle’s feathers, or in one month’s time).
      The marking of plurals of individual characters (e.g. p’s and q’s).

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      • ericbakerbruce
        ericbakerbruce

        Semper Fudge

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      • roguewave

        They appear to be single quotes, used for emphasis; not apostrophe’s. In any case, who gaf.

        Some time ago I sold a house (rental). I paid a few hundred to put it on the MLS and keep the listing broker commission.
        The house was over 100 yrs. old. Over the years I had discovered that the sewer line T’d with the neighbors line. So there was only one line connected to the street. Not code; but it worked well enough for the last 80 years.

        Not long after closing, the new owner called and said her new neighbor welcomed her to the neighborhood by telling her that she was in violation of code and needed to dig up the street.

        She called me. I said it had not been a problem all these years and I clearly spelled out the situation in the Disclosure form. She had a home inspector, so they should have pointed this out to her.

        Those idiots were the same home inspectors that had rubber stamped my original home inspection. They were on the hook. Karma bitches. Not noticing 2 vents on the sidewalk is understandable. But not reading the disclosure; that’ on you bro.

        Good luck Fly. Good time to sell. But I’ve been wrong about the market blowing up for years.

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    • narwhal

      So the market will surely crash, because it’s controlled not to crash?

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  6. 99 lead balloons
    99 lead balloons

    Won’t buyers wait until interest rates are cut next month to buy yer shack?

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  7. ferd

    Good man.

    In order that your fine example of stoicism and honor is not lost on the kids, have the wife let them know that you too find liquid dog shit disgusting.

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  8. iris

    Did the YouTube video teach you how to cook on your phone? ; )

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