Market Soars on China-US Trade War News

All war is good for stocks, even the type that is designed to quite literally destroy life and fortunes. It is a perilous and nonsensical thing to head out there and short stocks — betting against a rigged match that will leave you armiess and woefully without legs.

Dear friends,

I write to you from the shackles of a car which is on fire, filled with dynamite stocks — destined for a wall. My inverse ETFs have given way to animal spirits and are now drowning me in the dark amber of my hubris. The flowery notes of spring are circulating throughout the air and people are out hop-skotching around — dressed in blue and drinking spirits.

My black soul and heart were not built for these times. I should’ve been born and raised during the Great Depression, an era of oppression and starvation — calamitous stock market crashes and war.

Over in Exodus, the Bubble Basket has bounced hard with the overall market — meaning the riskiest of stocks are what’s leading this surge. My Quant account is up a stately 0.8% for the day, up nearly 4% for the year. All that is good is represented in today’s mind numbing rally. We defied all the odds. We looked the Orange Gorilla into his big blue eyes and said ‘we will not succumb to your fucked up ways and we will ignore your deleterious policies which make us sad. We are a fat faced, soy eating, people, all very bold and gay — activists, and peaceful niks, whose purpose is to provide the chaff of society a better existence, via our warlike policies which ravage and rip apart countries from crown to foot, all the while we embrace you with our open borders and abortion clinics, to provide you way of life inside one of our many housing developments, which are filled with a diversity of criminal activities that will mold you into a strong and fat person, destined for a long life of hatred and bleakness — the hallmarks of America.