Wall Street Begins to Panic Over Trump Ascendency; Citi Fears Investors Are Being ‘Lulled into a False Sense of Security’

It’s best that you batten down the hatches, for a Trump sized storm is coming and it disrupt everything genteel about your corrupt way of life, at least that’s what we’ve been told to believe.

In spite of the rhetoric, it’s important to remember that we still have a wholly corrupt Comgress, who’d never let Trump free us from the grips of the oligarchy, at least not easily.

Citi is out with a note of extreme caution this morning, graciously and gratuitously granted D. Trump a bountiful 35% chance of winning, despite the fact that many recent polls have him up and extending his lead over the infirmed H. Clinton.

“A 35 percent probability for a Trump victory is more meaningful than investors may be appreciating,” the team, led by Chief Global Political Analyst Tina Fordham, writes in a note published on Tuesday. “Political probabilities are not like blackjack — there is only one roll of the dice, and 35 percent probability events happen frequently in real life.”

How very quaint.

The report rambled on about a low energy Clinton and lack of enthusiasm by her fans, citing low turnouts at rallies etc.

The bottom line: the so called establishment elite aren’t taking Trump’s ascendancy with a level of seriousness that is necessary, given the stakes. In between glasses of sherry and servings of foia gras, the upper echelon in America are taking for granted all that has been bestowed upon them. Citi fashions Trump to be somewhat of a petty burglar in the night, attempting to circumvent a labyrinth of alarm systems that protects the status quo.

“Investors may be, once again, lulled into a false sense of complacency over the polling data, which are not predictions of the final result, but snapshots of the current state of public opinion,” they conclude.

This, coupled with the fact that China is a gigantic time bomb readying to blow, might be a recipe for extreme disaster of a monumental scale.

Markets opened down a buck fifty, notwithstanding the strong lift in Apple’s stock today, thanks in large part to sell serving statements out of TMUS and S. Both fledgling carriers cited robust sales for the iPhone 7 and are quite busy this morning congratulating themselves for a job well done, those data charging motherfuckers.

Pre-orders of iPhone 7 and iPhone 7 Plus (AAPL) at Sprint are up more than 375% in the first three days over last year. Since Sprint began accepting pre-orders on Sept. 9, new and existing customers have been placing orders for iPhone 7 and iPhone 7 Plus at a rate nearly four times greater than this time last year.

T-Mobile (TMUS) released sales information for this weekend’s iPhone 7 and iPhone 7 Plus pre-order, which went live at the ‘Un-carrier’ last Friday, September 9th at midnight and “has gone on to shatter all previous iPhone pre-order records at T-Mobile. On top of that, pre-orders from Friday through Monday were up nearly 4x compared to the next most popular iPhone — and Friday set a single day sales record for any smartphone ever in T-Mobile US history…..Even before a blockbuster pre-order weekend, iPhone 7 also broke records for pre-registration at T-Mobile, making it the biggest pre-reg of all time, including pre-registrations for both iPhone 6s and the smash-hit iPhone 6.”

As such, shares of Apple are higher by 2.5%, in an otherwise morbid tape.

I thought Brainard said they weren’t going to hike rates?

Futures are lower by 11, as WTI crude gets smashed to pieces, now off by 2.3%. It’s important to note that defensive assets, such as bonds and gold, are rallying.

It appears volatility has returned to the marketplace, as people try to make sense of all the fuckery.

Good morning.

Truth be told, until recently, I never took Alex Jones and Infowars that seriously. I do love a good theory that is chock full of conspiracy like the next man, maybe more. But, generally speaking, notwithstanding my penchant for theatricalities, I tend to concern myself with things that are within my boundaries of control.

But during this election cycle, almost every single thing being reported by Jones, or Paul Joesph Watson, has been spot in, with incredible accuracy.

I was gonna edit this clip and take out the highlights for you, but decided against it. Everything you need to know about the Clinton health situation has been, hitherto, covered with extensive detail at Infowars, so I figured it’d be best for you to watch the clip in its entirety.

Some key points.

• She had a brain tumor removed in 2012 and spent a year in the hospital.
• Joe Biden is waiting to replace her.
• She suffers from seizures often.
• The secret service has been feeding Jones info on the matter.

etc.

Major props to that crazy fucker, Tyler, at Zerohedge for creating a grass roots monster. As far as I can tell, this media empire that he’s building over there is entirely organic and infectious, unlike the publicly traded TheStreet.com, which has been an absolute catastrophe for both writers and shareholders alike. I know people who’ve written over there and they absolutely hated it. Although, I’m not one to talk, frankly, as I’m sure 90% of the people who’ve written for me would prefer that I was in a ditch somewhere, with a knife stuck firmly in my back.

Alas comes the August web publisher report from SimilarWeb, which shows ZH traffic coming in at a staggering 52m page views for August, number 73 in the country. Trust me, I’d kill someone, or several people, for that sort of reach.

Just ahead of him was Cramer’s website of misfits.

Here is the full report.

The coverage ratio is complete horseshit. You keep prancing around buying stocks of companies who have dick to door knobs to cover all of the debt coming due. Moody’s did an analysis on 15 energy companies gone bust in 2015 and found that the recovery rate for creditors was an abhorrent 21 cents on the dollar, the absolute worst since the telecom bust of 2001.

This is viewed by the credit rating agency as ‘catastrophic’ and is well below the 59% norm of past decades.

The high yield space was even worse, almost a complete bust at 6%–compared to the norm of 30%.

The prevailing view by most analysts, as well as Moody’s, is that the worst is behind us and that oil prices have stabilized and are going up. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard this manure coming out of the mouths of men.

The simple fact of the matter is, the balance sheets of the current energy sector is just about the worst ever, dating back to the dot com bust. If prices drop back down into the 20s, for whatever reason, you’re looking at a credit meltdown of monumental proportions.

Let us all pray to the Lord that the House of Saud prevail in gerrymandering the price of crude sharply higher, just in time for X-mas.

The interbank lending markets is the playground for fuckheads, manipulating FX markets in an effort to donkeypunch one another. I won’t speculate as to the reason why HIBOR is spiking now, but many people believe the PBOC is trying to defend the 6.70 level on the yuan and will sacrifice liquidity and equity prices to meet this end.

I promise you if CNH breaks 6.70 to the upside, all pandemonium will break loose.

Typically speaking, HIBOR up, stocks down.

Look how fucking animated D. Gartman was in this clip. He was practically jerking off on national television, him and that stupid fucking tie and hands formed in the shape of a pyramid, discussing how horrible a Trump Presidency would be for stocks, due to his ‘unknown quantity.’ Mind you, he isn’t a Clinton dick sucker or a Trump supporter. He merely goes onto the teevee to talk extreme shit about Trump, while saying Clinton would be good for stocks.

Words has it Gartman will be penciling in Robert E. Lee this election season.

I’d feel better about her as a person if she was afflicted with one of those two ailments, as opposed to an infectious virus that was weaponized for a photo opp with a small girl on Sunday.

I only play Doctor about the internets, so I won’t attempt to diagnose her. If any of you two bit physicians are capable of making an off the cuff diagnosis, I’d be interested to hear such opinions under the shroud of secrecy in these fine halls.

If forced to guess, I’d say she has an acute case of Evilis Bitchicitis.

On Friday, September the 9th, 2016, markets plummeted off renewed fears of a Federal Reserve hike. In the history of betting on Fed rate hikes, there has never been an instance when the Fed had moved without the odds being at 100% beforehand. On that fateful Friday, the chances of a Fed rate hike towered over the market–like the sword of Damocles–at a staggering 24%.

On September the 12th, 2016, the biggest dove on the Fed, Brainard, said something dovish. As a result, the chances of a Fed rate hike for September plummeted to 15%, all but eliminating the chance of a Federal Reserve rate hike.

Looking forward to December, the market is indicating a 58% chance of a Fed hike, the same amount that was feared on Friday.

It’s shit like this why I walked away from a 7 fig gig in Wall Street at the end of 2015. The fuckery is pervasive and nonsensical. This shit only makes sense to people who’ve been dumbed down to the point that they only react to stuff, sithout ever giving things a moment of analysis.

If I told you on Friday, there was a 24% chance of rain, would you carry an umbrella? How does one celebrate something that was never going to happen because it just decreased in probability?

Meanwhile, all of Friday’s losses are erased. Poof.