Third Quarter GDP Estimates Slashed After a ZERO Retail Sales Number for the Month of July

I understand your proclivity towards debasing yourselves, friends, and family, through a mawkish endorsement of a market that is literally being propped up and manipulated by grifters. I get it. We all want a piece of the pie. The only problem with your assumptions is that you believe the grifter wants you to succeed. Everything our genteel modern society endeavors to achieve coalesces around a dark body of water filled with man eating alligators. High taxes, onerous regulations, deleterious immigration and trade agreements are all designed by devils to increase profit margins for the 0.001% and send you to the onion patch to slave under garish conditions.

The superlative methods by which the central banks have convinced the masses that their economies weren’t falling down is an achievement unto itself. But you cannot hide the nascency of a dystopian society forming around our parasitic retail landscape, the very essence and engine of America’s economy.

A Byzantine endgame approaches. We’re at a Morton’s Fork in the road and the outcome is all the same. Productivity is plunging and every single aspect of the economy shrunk in the second quarter, only saved by a seemingly miraculous 4.2% spike in retail sales. Well, guess what? Retails sales came in at ZERO for the month of July. Morgan Stanley just slashed GDP estimates by a full 50bps to 1.9%.

The vainglorious caitiffs, with all of their temerity, will attempt to succor an otherwise spiteful republic with promises of opportunity and advancement. They’ll tell you the rivulets in the wake will multiply and form into an ocean of money to be shared and enjoyed by all. But their plans will fail, miserably–because they’re built upon sand by the Whores of Babylon. The gallows will be very crowded, indeed, brimming with big jowled, florid faces, begging for just one more sip of their martinis before having their necks snapped in half–in front of a crest fallen and contemptuous nation.

Other than that, everything is great. Stocks are down 40 points and all of the bipedal primates are preparing to perform vaudeville on the 3:30 ramp.

I’ve been casing the homes of popular bloggers for the past week, waiting for the perfect time to pounce on them and demand they hand over their blogs. I made some gainz this AM, and got away with the following blogs.

NOTE: I retitled them in an effort to mask and hide their true identities, mindful that the jake is watching.

Zerohedge: Millennials Are Fucking Morons

Daily Reckoning: PANIC: Holy Shit, the World is Running Out of Gold!!!

Financial Sense: Iraq Might Shit on OPEC’s Party

Wolf Street: Macy’s Makes Me Walk Past Bras, Stockings and Handbags; DEATH TO MACY’S

The Waiter’s Pad: Please Allow Me To Share My Unhealthy Obsession of SETH KLARMAN with You

NY Times: More Gibberish From James Althucher

Business Insider: 70 #NEVERTRUMPers Wrote a Letter to the RNC Describing Their Hatred for Trump; Ergo, Trump’s Chances of Winning Are Dwindling

Dealbreaker: Trumps Adds 8 Random Nobody Females to Economic Team and One Evil Fucking Hedge Fund Manager

Marketwatch: Fucking Darth Vader is Back

ReCode: Dick Costolo and Twitter Are Fascist Assholes

Uncle Fred!: The Bitcoin Scam Narrative Gets Tokenized

NPR: Greenland Shark Might Be Older Than William Shakespeare’s Corpse

This is definitely the most important boot camp IBC has hosted to date. While we may disagree with which lunatic to elect, we all have a common interest here to advance in the markets.

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Jeff asked me to suggest some topics for the iBC readership and I gave him my best ideas. What you’ll get from him is a bird’s eye view of how he sees things unfolding, heading into the fall.

The boot camp starts on August the 29th, one hour per night, for 5 nights.

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Post DNCLEAKS scandal, the media is brazen in their outward bias for Hillary Clinton. They see it as their duty to lie and twist facts, while ignoring the litany of horrible offenses by Clinton. Zerohedge hones in on the matter, better than most.

After all, it’s their moral obligation to get Hillary elected, in order to avoid Trump, who’s obviously a tax cheating racist xenophobe liar and a thief scoundrel mentally ill caitiff. All things considered and balanced, that description of Trump sounds good when compared to the demonic drug addled hell hound neocon, who pathologically lies to hurt and injure, almost ritualistically, all in the name of personal gain, which best describes Clinton. If you don’t like it, she’ll have you killed.

Doug Kass is predicting Trump will drop out of the Presidential race and cede the Presidency, uncontested, to Hillary Clinton. His rationale lies in the delusions of his own bubble. He cites lack of money as a reason for Trump to drop out of the race, ignoring the obvious small fact that Trump is worth anywhere from $4-$10 billion and can self finance his campaign, true asshole style, if he wanted to. Also, Trump has raised over $90 million in small donations since the RNC convention.

Nevertheless, let’s not let reality based facts get in the way of a little perverted dreaming. Kass looks like he’s having an orgasm in this interview, amongst a sycophantic Tome Keane and Francine Lacqua.

For the sake of the Clinton campaign, Trump will drop out of the race before the debates, erecting her as our new Queen to rule over her many fiefdoms.

Liesman and Kudlow take exception to Hillary’s speech about the economy, panning it for its overt command and control overtones. There wasn’t any mention about tax cuts, an easing of regulations or creating better trade deals. All she promises is for the government to invest in better paying jobs. That’s the fucking problem here. The government is broke, without a paddle in the middle of a large icy lake. What the country needs is PRIVATE SECTOR investment, which will not happen with high tax rates and slave labor to take advantage of in Asian and Mexico.

Get it?

The great illusion this great steak’d nation purports on a regular basis is adherence to the constitutional rights this nation was founded upon. Naturally, these rights have been ignored and violated over the years, since man is a sinful, evil, creature. But, thanks to technology, never in modern times has the dialogue been so controlled than it is now–thanks to the emergence of the digital city halls of Facebook and Twitter.

Buzzfeed is out with a scathing report that whistle blows on the former CEO of Twitter, @Dick, and his fascist ways.

In 2015, then-Twitter CEO Dick Costolo secretly ordered employees to filter out abusive and hateful replies to President Barack Obama during a Q&A session, sources tell BuzzFeed News.

According to these sources, the May 2015 #AskPOTUS town hall came out of Twitter senior leadership’s frustration with the fact that platforms like Reddit had become home to celebrity Q&As.

According to a former senior Twitter employee, Costolo ordered employees to deploy an algorithm (which was built in-house by feeding it thousands of examples of abuse and harassing tweets) that would filter out abusive language directed at Obama. Another source said the media partnerships team also manually censored tweets, noting that Twitter’s public quality-filtering algorithms were inconsistent. Two sources told BuzzFeed News that this decision was kept from senior company employees for fear they would object to the decision.

He is the President of the United States, after all. However, Twitter has been doing this shit for a long time, most recently with the #DNCLEAKS saga.

In response to the report, Costolo danced around the allegations with a comment laced with fuckery.

“Total nonsense and laughably false as anybody who would speak on the record would tell you. Absurd,”

“Shows a lack of understanding of the very basics of how trust and safety works at Twitter. Sensationalist nonsense.”

Now that Donald J. Trump is scheduled to drop out of the race, paving the way for our first lesbian President, everything that was once doom and gloom is great again, ironically. The stock market is gearing up for splendour. All of the bearshitter across the universe, dispatched. Everything you knew about markets, lost.

Earlier this morning, Macy’s announced their strategy to sell clothing to people was a bad idea. Instead, they’ll be closing 100 stores and focus on real estate and stock buybacks. Shares soared.

After the close, Nordstrom announced phenomenal numbers, which were 11 cents better than expectations. Although revenues declined 0.2% from last year, the shares are soaring in the after hours.

• Reports Q2 (Jul) earnings of $0.67 per share, excluding non-recurring items, $0.11 better than the Capital IQ Consensus of $0.56; revenues fell 0.2% year/year to $3.59 bln vs the $3.62 bln Capital IQ Consensus.
  • Return on Assets 5.1%, Q1 was 5.9%
  • RoIC 9.1%, Q1 was 10.0%
  • The Company’s Anniversary Sale, historically its largest event of the year, performed better than recent trends. This event started one week later in July relative to last year, shifting one week of the event into the third quarter.
• Total Company net sales decreased 0.2 percent and comparable sales decreased 1.2 percent, compared with the same period last year. The Anniversary Sale event shift had an unfavorable comparison to comparable sales of approximately 250 basis points in the second quarter.
• Gross profit, as a percentage of net sales, of 34.3 percent decreased 101 basis points compared with the same period in fiscal 2015, due to increased markdowns to align inventory to current trends and higher occupancy expenses related to new store growth. Through the Company’s actions to realign inventory and combined with the strength of its Anniversary Sale, inventory growth of 1.4 percent was in-line with a net sales decrease of 0.2 percent.
• Co issues guidance for FY17, sees EPS of $2.60-2.75 (Prior $2.50-2.70), excluding non-recurring items, vs. $2.68 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; sees FY17 revs of +2.5-4.5% (Approx $14.45-14.73 bln) vs. $14.59 bln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate;
  • Reaffirms FY17 Comp Store Sales expected to be in the range of -1% to +1%.
  • Retail EBIT expected to decrease 10-15% (Prior 10-20%).

Additionally, olde school semiconductor company, NVDA, crushed estimates–continuing its onward streak. The stock is higher by 90% for the year. Not a bad showing, all things considered. According to Exodus, the valuation metric haven’t been this high for over a decade. The price/sales, PE and price/book metrics have all blown out, currently 110% over the historical median.

• Reports Q2 (Jul) non-GAAP earnings of $0.53 per share, $0.05 better than the Capital IQ Consensus of $0.48 (GAAP EPS $0.40 vs. 0.38 consensus); revenues rose 23.9% year/year to $1.43 bln vs the $1.35 bln Capital IQ Consensus.
  • Non-GAAP gross margin 58.1%vs. 57.5-58.5% guidance.
• Co issues upside guidance for Q3, sees Q3 revs of ~$1.65-1.71 bln vs. $1.45 bln Capital IQ Consensus; non-GAAP gross margin 57.5-58.5%.
• “Strong demand for our new Pascal-generation GPUs and surging interest in deep learning drove record results,” said Jen-Hsun Huang, co-founder and chief executive officer, NVIDIA. “Our strategy to focus on creating the future where graphics, computer vision and artificial intelligence converge is fueling growth across our specialized platforms — Gaming, Pro Visualization, Datacenter and Automotive.” “We are more excited than ever about the impact of deep learning and AI, which will touch every industry and market. We have made significant investments over the past five years to evolve our entire GPU computing stack for deep learning. Now, we are well positioned to partner with researchers and developers all over the world to democratize this powerful technology and invent its future.”

Glorious, glory.

Human beings are an absurd form of animal. This hashtag has been trending today,  as barbarous servile people panic over a possible closure of the site in 2017.

The good folks led by @Jack were forced to issue a statement.

“There is absolutely no truth to the claims whatsoever,” a spokesman for Twitter said in an emailed response to a Reuters request for comment

How would you survive without Twitter?