DERAILED

To think we were just finding our groove there. For the month of May, unfortunately, 280,000 jobs were added to the economy, much higher than the anticipated 226,000. Wall Street doesn’t like these numbers because it means the Fed might do something stupid, like find an excuse to raise interest rates and help lift the elderly CD crowd out from abject squalor, something fretted by all true capitalist men of substantive industry. Bonds are getting slaughterhoused again and the Wall St. 2.0 crowd have resigned their positions as “money managers” and instead have opted for roles as catamites for Wall St. 1.0 lads.

Before I went to bed last night, I prayed to the Gods, both the old and the new, that vast amounts of Americans would become unemployed. I was hoping the robot programs at the WMT/MCD/TGT hegemony would’ve placed a strangle hold on the jobs market, enabling stocks to go higher, paving the way for robust share buyback programs. Instead we’ve learned that McDonald’s have been hiring aggressively for their drive in, Chicken Macnugget, windows and WMT/TGT have really taken on a lot more “mop boys”, which should be a welcomed bonus for the shares of CLX.

In an ideal world, jobs would become a thing of the past. The Cheesed Doodle class could stay at home, boosting television ratings, and the subscriber bases of NFLX and AMZN, buttressed by government stimulus packages– which would be funded by a roaring stock market and subsequent taxes paid by the elite rich. Until that utopia could become a sweet relishable reality, we are stuck with the indelible facts that stocks are subject to the whims and words of a certain Grandma Janet Yellen. Let us be contemplative about the good times we’ve had in these stock exchanges, and prepare for a worsening– a fucking train truck smashing into an oil refinery with 3 million passengers onboard.