FLY BUY: AAPL, P

I added to AAPL and started a new position in P.

I decided to get aggressive with the new design. Jeremy and I are going to revolutionize the blog game, yet again, through meritocracy and totem pole hierarchy. Without revealing too much too soon, I will tell you that you are all being examined. What you do on the site, from checking in to commenting to retweeting or posting to Facebook to posting a blog in the blogger network, it is all being accounted for and rank (think corporate ladder) will be assigned to each of you.

This goes for staff writers too.

There will be no bottom to the new iBC. And, yes, there will be a prison, with listed names of outlawed criminals.

The iBC Tower aka Totem pole will rank all of you, according to the things I mentioned above. To climb this ladder, you must be an active member of the community and earn iBC Reserve notes (every action pays at a different rate). Moreover, you will have expenses, such as small tenement dwellings for lowly cretins or penthouse apartments overlooking Central Park for some of you aristocrats. In a way, it’s the gamification of iBankCoin. However, always keep in mind, this shit isn’t a game (even though it really is).

FORECLOSURE NOTICES WILL BE EMAILED WHEN YOU ARE NO LONGER ABLE TO HOLD YOUR POSITION IN THE TOWER.

Regarding content, everything is created equal, with exception to me and the boys from 12631. The site’s core focus will be on freshness and efficacy of content. This also means I will be scrutinizing content deriving from the bowels of the blogger network and will fire you for lack of style and intelligence.

Chronological order will be restored.

The obvious winners will be the people who truly want to make a name for themselves. I am allowing you to be featured on a platform, like none other in the financial blogosphere, so don’t abuse it.

NOTE: Bloggers in the blogging network will also be afforded the luxury of being able to choose front page pictures.

This chart will be auctioned at Sotheby’s this spring.

Starting bid: $500,000

Spain reported an unemployment rate of “only” 24.4%. On that news, as well as the S&P downgrade of its debt, European markets splashed into the swimming pool and sank lower by 2%. However, miraculously, shares reversed and are now trouncing higher. US futures were down 10 and now they’re up.

UNSTOPPABLE MOMENTUM.

I think it’s fair to say the market is on its way to new highs, regardless of news and views. Earnings are winning the hearts and minds of investors and people like the idea that central banks will simply flood the system with counterfeit money, instead of policy makers attempting to remedy the core issues. I believe we are somewhat resigned to the fact that there is nothing any politician can do to erase our $15 trillion dollars in debt. Therefore, we might as well party now; because there’s gonna be a whole lot of pain later.

END OF DAYS RALLY.

With my money, I like YELP, EXK and NXPI.

These stocks were flagged Technically OB today, using our 12 month algos for a 10 day hold.

First let me start off by saying I made a little less than 1% today. The market showed incredible resilience and we should continue to press forward to the dismay of THE FUCKING ASSHOLE COCKSUCKERS who want it to go down.

Now for my rant.

I would like nothing more than to drive a fucking rail spike into the skeletons of whoever is shorting YELP into dust. This fucking stock is my albatross. It is everything that is good about the internet, enveloped in a fucking time bomb of a stock that represents everything that is wrong on Wall Street. Fucking me.

It started the day down, then slowly crept higher throughout the session. By mid-afternoon, the stock was clearly in rally mode, on the precipice of breaking necks and spines, having a grande olde time of things. But then the fucking vampires hit the stock at the end of the day, erasing a .70 rally to ZILCH.

THE FUCKING STOCK, AS UNBELIEVABLE AS IT MAY SEEM, CLOSED FLAT FOR THE FUCKING DAY, extending its losing streak to a GAGILLION days without a single uptick. Frankly, and very sincerely, I’m inclined to commit murder because of this equity. That might seem far fetched to some of you cow-tippers out there, church boys, charitable in all walks of life. But “The Fly” descends from a place where bullets grazed his temple as a child and fists made of metal smashed into his anatomy, testing his resolve, in the ultimate example of Darwinism.

My heart is made from black gunpowder and my brain is a computer that does not understand what the emotion of “empathy” means. Should I roll into 5/2 (YELP’s earnings day) down 10% in the stock, ahead of earnings that could potentially rip the stock into tiny little shreds, I am going to lose control of my senses and hurt many of you. I am sorry to tell you this, but your lives are in grave danger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qz0PgqrXd0

ATTENTION SHORT SELLERS:

The market is defying all of the laws of economics, thoroughly preached by the Karl’s of the world, clamoring for death and mayhem. Although Obama is shredding the constitution, the market seems to be enjoying it. Dare I say the constitution is an ass? I dare, indeud.

All we care about here is higher equity prices. If we have to get it by throwing fistfuls of cocaine into rapidly spinning fans, so be it. It is my right, as a gentleman of honour and liberty, to exercise my democratic abilities through the banking of profuse amounts of coinage, to be placed into my purse (no homo!) for the explicit purposes of rapid spending sprees.

Some of you gallivant around town, acquiring sculptures and ancient pieces of art. “The Fly” is only interested in old newspapers, algorithms and building internet “deathrays.”

If you are short stock and get the feeling your abode is being lowered into a monstrous sized vat of hot oil, that’s because it is!

PREPARE TO FLOUR YOURSELVES AND BE DEVOURED BY SAVAGE CHINAMEN INSIDE OF HUMAN CANNIBALISM SHOPPES, DRINKING MUGS OF URINE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeTWO7dofhs

I added to my positions, most tenderly in NXPI due to earnings being reported today after the bell. Although I am bullish on NXPI, due to their AAPL exposure, I fucking hate earnings.

The jobless claims data was soft again, setting up for more panic–fueled by the “recession now” camp. In case you haven’t noticed, we go through these spates of fret on an annual basis. The economy is soft during the melancholy months of the summer; you’re going to have to learn to accept that. When the winds turn brisk and the frost in NYC sets in, the economy will be on fucking fire again. If not, I can guarantee the imperious Mr. Bernanke will intervene at our behest.

Across the board, earnings are coming in better than expected, almost at an 80% clip. The Devil’s stock, VHC, is shooting higher this morning, alongside a slew of tech names, like EQIX, STMP, NUAN, EA, CTXS, CRUS and XLNX.

Shares in Europe are getting hit again, spearheaded lower by the drunkards in Spain. Now European sovereign yields are barely higher, so the sell off is not being fueled by EU collapse concerns. Instead, I reckon, investors are taking money out of stocks and shoveling it into the fireplaces of “risk off” sovereign bonds in the US, Germany and the UK. For now, those fireplaces are not lit and “risk off” money is safe–strewn out across the dry logs and tinder.

With my money, however, I rather be long a portfolio of “grandpa stocks”, yielding 3%+, with a blend of jet fuel to make it interesting. Stocks like MJN, PEP, EXK and GIS are of great interest to me, especially during the months when the double dippers are running rampant, naked, and stupid.

Here we go again. SeekingAlpha is the #1 website in America for jaded opinions, disseminated by short sellers trying to manipulate stocks lower. Yahoo lists SeekingAlpha as one of their select financial “news” sites, custom tailored for the ignorant fuckers who roam their message boards.

After the bell, a gentleman who goes by the name Kofi Bofah published a ridiculously biased hit piece on SeekingAlpha, which was aggregated into Yahoo finance’s “news” feed, where millions traffic daily.

Being the internet anchor man that he is, Kofi starts off his “news” piece objectively, declaring:

“Similar to pets.com, Yelp (YELP) is a dog of a stock. Certainly, Web 2.0 and pets.com reincarnated supporters will bark, wail, yelp, beg, scratch, and claw for this stock to remain relevant, right before things hit the fan, shares collapse, and Yelp positions go out with a whimper. Yet again, we are forced to deconstruct the economic merit of another novel Internet idea that went public and cashed out for $1 billion at the top. Accommodative Federal Reserve Board policies, alongside unrealistic business expectations, serve as catalysts to lead us on this death march toward zero.”

Need I say more?

In his article he discusses Yelp’s business model as if he had an idea of what he spoke about, with regards to internet properties. He is viewing Yelp through a flawed prism, one that looks at Yelp the same way as PG or GM. This isn’t Pets.com or some niche brand trying to get liquid on unassuming investors. This is a fucking brand that transcends the love for filthy animals and gives freedom to those who wish to critique bullshit restaurants whenever they deem fit. Gone are the days when Zagat had their homosexual grips on the minds of foodies.

Yelp is here to stay and the stock price, eventually, is going to trade much, much higher.

Having said that, the company is young and they haven’t figured out a way to profit from their viral internet presence. Understand something, YELP is a verb. It is one of the most downloaded apps and visited websites in the country. The move to smartphones and social networking is in its nascency. To say this company is heading towards an eventual march to zero is slanderous and worth calling this fucker out for it.

Back to Kofi. He discloses that he’s an investment advisor at a firm named Onyx Investments. So he manages money for clients and writes these hit pieces, yet discloses zero position in the stocks that he mentions. Odd, isn’t it? What the fuck is Kofi up to anyway?

Let’s have a looksy at Kofi’s track record.

Hit piece on AAPL
Hit piece on BBY
Hit piece on GRPN
Hit piece on Facebook
Hit piece on The United States of America

I could go on and on. He has always been bearish, dating back to the market lows of 2009. He was a bearshitter then and a bearshitter now. This fucker was declaring GOOG all but dead in 2009 and how WalMart’s profits equated to the death of America. Truly, this is a sick man and I find it to be reprehensible that SeekingAlpha has the platform and reach that is provided for them by the hacks over at Yahoo finance. Yahoo should drop these clowns yesterday and go back to listing news under the fucking news section and not some opinionated jackass with an ax to grind and a piker book to run into the ground, at the expense of an already jaded crowd of burlap wearing bearshitters at Yahoo’s disgusting message boards.