Waiting For The Clam

We’re all waiting for The Bearded Clam to come out and snap the dicks off short sellers. If so, why the fuck is gold and silver lower? Nevertheless, silver stocks are in the process of bottoming here. Should Ben print some crack cocaine on his 3-d printer, EXK will gap–the fuck—higher.

It’s humorous to me that Egan Jones just downgraded the debt of Knight Capital, following this morning’s absurd buy programs gone buck-fucking-naked-wild. Mr. Jones is an opportunist of the first order, a man on stilts trying to pretend he is tall.

As an aside, the retail investor enjoys “flash-surges” to the upside, especially when they trigger buy stop orders for their hedges on Fed day.

VHC looks like its bottomed, finally. The PPT flagged that motherfucker to be OVERSOLD the other day. I should have bought and could have and would have; but I was too God damned busy fine tuning my orbital space cannon, aiming it at a small obtuse town in upstate New York.

Both August and September are the worst months for stocks. Around this time of the year, I always plan to go on vacation, in my head I sell all of my stocks, and take a break to avoid the tomfuckery. But I always get sucked in, thinking “this time will be different.” After all, the market has to buck the trend sometime, right?

WRONG.

We are going the fuck lower and I will not be fooled by this faux rally. The markets are near new highs and earnings have been the worst in a decade. What the fuck am I missing here?

Everything seems to be very calm and cool. The summer breeze rifling through your hair, as you trade from your Ferrari, speeding with the top down, doing 250mph. Next thing you know, your car transforms into an accordion against a titanium wall, crushing your stupid fucking face like a pepsi can under an anvil.

“The Fly” shall not be tricked, not this time, not ever.

I put together a watchlist to track brands gone bad, with regards to year to date stock performance. If forced to pick three turn arounds, which would you choose from this list?

Add FB to that list for good measure.

I will give you my three picks tomorrow.

We are in a meat grinder until the Fed disappoints and sends stocks lower. If I was 100% certain about the outcome, I’d sell my stocks and sit with VXX. However, there is nothing certain in this God-foresaken whore of a tape. I have no choice but to sit tight and watch my equity bleed out, drip by drip, until a resolution has been made.

The miners are acting fucktarded and VXX is looking great. I am not sure what type of backwards world I am in, but know that I am in it. LNN is now trading by appointment and JACK is trading the fuck higher, dumb old Mexican style.

I don’t think the action is bad at all, with exception to the earnings catastrophes, which is what alarms me. With TLT up near $130, we should be spiraling lower. I cannot explain why the market is so strong; therefore, by default, I am opting to wait for a better tape.

If we don’t get a flush out in stocks, take the month of August off. There is no reason to get long ahead of the Fed meeting, while Spanish and Italian yields are so high and US treasuries are so low. The bond market will let you know when it’s time to buy stocks.

Watch TLT closely and avoid any and all earnings plays, unless you have an edge. You know I love YELP and feel they should smash earnings. However, in light of the recent debacles in social media earnings calls, I have no interest in rolling the dice here. The stock is more than $5 below my sale price, but is still unattractive due to social media multiple compression.

What does that mean?

Well, this sector is literally the worst sector in the market, even worse than coal. Investors aren’t willing to pay up for these stocks. Therefore, PE and P/S ratios are coming the fuck lower, in a seamless, uninterrupted, manner. As sure as I am sitting here in this luxurious Bo Concept chair, the social media space will eventually bottom out and offer spectacular returns to patient investors, but not yet.

Moving on, I still like LNN and EXK here, but should have sold EXK when The PPT flagged it as “overbought” the other day. Nevertheless, both stocks should trend higher over the next 3 months.

Howsoever, based upon the untenable laws of mathematics, my favourite pick here is VXX.

I ordered a bag of almonds, but received a bag of mixed nuts instead!

Didn’t CMI warn just a short while ago? I vividly recall feeling “fortunate” for selling the stock when it tanked into the $80’s. Lo and behold, by hook or crook, they’ve managed to beat the street and soar in value!

What the fuck is going on here? Remember when all of the bearshitters went on the teevee, dressed in their funny suits, pancaked up with makeup, declaring CMI to be a “forward looking indicator”? Well, I imagine those same journalists are having serious discussions regarding the earnings beat, over at CMI, today, no?

Did you know there was a coordinated assault to bring down the shares of VHC? It was rather sublime, actually. It’s a funny thing when you learn billion dollar hedge fund managers sent out text messages to short VHC weeks before the epic decline. Like I said before, it is very hard for me to prove these things, but rest assured, they happened.

Tech is leading the way higher today and I am feeling better about the market, thanks to CMI. If only TLT would start to tick lower, I might interest myself in a stock, or two.

Josh Brown, from Reformed Broker, penned an eloquent, well thought out piece, regarding the rise and the fall of TheStreet.com and how he would save it. Well, unfortunately for all parties involved, there are no zombies on the web. Once you’re dead, you’re dead forever, in the stylish world of social media.

TheStreet.com is grandpa’s old tux with blue ruffled shirt to match.

Cue Geocities.

Cue Lycos.

Cue Yahoo.

Cue Myspace.

Cue Thestreet.com

Get it?

Once you’ve lost the “it” factor on the web, you are done. The reason why TST failed has everything to do with Cramer. As largest shareholder and Chairman of the company, he should have made smarter decisions, such as firing 90% of the workforce. I’d replace them with gorillas, who’d unwrap bananas for me, to be sold at my local A&P.

It’s theft to have 300 employees at that albatross of a company. With newspapers folding on a daily basis, there is an overabundance of talent out there who will work for peanut shells (save the peanuts for execs). I’d put 5 guys in charge of news and offer them a $30k base salary, with generous stock options if they hit their goals.

I have other ideas; but it’s an exercise in futility. Once Mad Money gets canceled, or when Cramer retires, TST will go straight to $00.00.

Fact.

The only way TheStreet.com will make it is if they create or buy another website, and totally disassociate it away from their fucked up brand–sort of like how Yahoo owns shit that is now worth more than Yahoo.

But you know that’s not going to happen. Therefore, the inevitable will occur: TST to zero.

All of the losers are sprinting forward today. If you don’t believe, take a look at GDOT, JVA, VHC, ATPG, GSVC, MY etc. It’s the who’s who of the orphan stock rampage to the upside, no homo, no protein–just cocaine. If I was long JVA into today’s romp, I’d sell it 10 ways till Sunday.

Having said that, I’d like to sober you up (no Stocksage) through the visualization of THIS! (BEHOLD, MOTHERFUCKER)

You see that shit, hovering near all-time highs? That’s the Jakegint killer, bunker buster for his gold mines gone awry. What that should tell you is that big money is no longer interested in risk, so they are parking money in US treasuries because they are backed by the full faith and credit of the United Steaks of America. In other words, they don’t trust having money in the banks, past the FDIC limit, nor do they have any interest, whatsoever, in participating in the “Dogs of the Dow theorem.”

What these yields are suggesting, from a layman’s point of view, is another storm brewing on the horizon, something insidious and infectious that is going to destroy the very fabric of society. If your company isn’t built to last, it will fold.

You’ve been warned.

Fun fact: TLT has NEVER gone down in the month of August, in the 10 years publicly traded. The average return over the past 10 years, in August, is 4.22%. Over the past two years, TLT gained about 9% in August alone.

Risk off.

TLT is rallying; therefore, you should be selling.

The market looked real nice this morning, as many investors jumped into with both feet–hoping to get rich. But look at it now, a fucking mess of the first order–manic in all ways and without top hat.

This sort of market is not for me, but for the pigeons, chirping around looking for stale bread. I will have you know, rather immediately, I enjoy a good piece of bread and never like it to be stale, unless accompanied by a caesars salad, which, incidentally, happens to be my favourite.

Still, I am getting lit this afternoon, with the majority of my stocks transforming into “fag-boxes”, especially LNN and EXK. I have the dastardly VXX on my side. However, it’s too stupid to understand that the market is about to take a dive.

In short, I am very happy to see VHC shareholders receive a reprieve from their “Braveheart” style form of torture. I, on the other hand, have numerous irons in the fire, all pertaining to exemplifying patience on a magnanimous scale.

I will not be participating in this market, until TLT drops like a stone.

I don’t mind giving you an insight into what The PPT is saying, every so often. As you could imagine, I try to preserve the secrecy of the algorithms for paying members as much as possible. Every so often, however, I permit myself the luxury of throwing you dogs a bone.

Since Friday, the system flagged an OVERBOUGHT signal, based on historical precedence. So you know, OB signals are less reliable than the OS, due to the nature of the upward trending market. Nevertheless, over the past 36 months, this level (3.25) of OB has resulted in the market trading down 64% of the time for an average decline of 0.6%. At a minimum, this signal should alert users to potential stoppage in the frenetic rally. More recently, the OB scores have a higher ceiling, near 3.30, and we are NOT overbought on the 3,6 and 12 month algos– just yet.

All that aside, the market faces significant headwinds during this years Jackson Hole meeting. Everyone was hoping for QE3; but I think it is an impossibility for the Fed to do anything with the Dow above 13,000. If Bernanke moves, commodities will skyrocket and stocks will surge. If the Fed sits tight and does nothing, stocks are going lower.

Earnings season has been a minefield for investors and many of you are without legs, wheeling yourselves around like retards in a basketball court.

ATTENTION DISABLED INVESTORS OF THWE WORLD: ease up on your wheels and park that chair in the blue zone. The high probability trade is over.