Can You Believe This Shit?

Europe is selling off panic mode style, following the collapse of the Dutch and French governments. I am sure their new governments will conform perfectly fine to their astute colleagues at the ECB. If not, I’m afraid their leaders will be in grave danger of assassination.

So we’re replaying the crisis in Europe again for the 5th time in two years. This version is about Spain and Italy, soon to be France, then finally Belgium, Czech and Germany. It’s about the entirety of the EU and the dastardly bastards who are forcing yields up will not let up until blood is flowing freely in the streets. With select European indices down 3% for the day, our markets are un- investable.

We’re going back to Jimmy Cramer’s DEFCON 2, the precipice of the end series, luxury edition.

I know this is all very singular, as just three weeks ago the markets were in cocaine heaven. But reality has interfered with the matrix and these pervasive issues are quite hard to sweep under the rug. What needs to happen is a great bond auction or some sort of policy statement out of the ECB alluding to their intent to backstop any and all EU debt. Providing we get that, this market will rip tits to the upside. Without it, we’re just gonna panic the fuck out of stocks into bonds again, like medieval macabres manning trebuchets outside the city of Calais.

I am pleased to be in a 53% cash position; but chagrined to be 47% long. Nevertheless, it’s only a matter of time before this market panic is met with a policy response, as it is demanded in order to keep the ponzi scheme running. Bank on that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmmfFKpoRXI&feature=related

It’s important to remember– at all times– to avoid dealing with people from mountainous regions of the country. In Ecuador, these people are identified as “serranos.” They are a  mountain people, well known by the coastal crowd as “gratuitous potato eaters”; due to the poor soil quality, the knife wielding “serranos” are restricted to eating starch rich foods, like potatoes. They deal from trick decks and are generally a reprehensible people. After getting ripped off from a potato eating, goat fucking, mountain range illiterate, a person from Guayaquil might say: “see I told you not to do business with those fucking serranos, cabrón.”

With regards to society, social networking stocks have been getting hammered as of late (1-2 weeks). This is perfectly normal, as the fucktards who trade from trailer homes wash out, firm hands grab hold for the long term. Providing you are a GRPN or P investor, the long term is looking like an eternity right now. But, for the most part, the core lot of the social networking space has been a mixed bag over the past month.

Here are the winners and losers, courtesy of The PPT.

If you are curious about the results of YELP, motherfucker, it’s flat for the month, +1%. So quit getting all bitchy and shit, pondering about your financial future long a stock that has all but circle jerked over the past month. Sure, it would have been divine (no holy homo) to sell my fucking position when it was +50%; but I didn’t do that, so there’s no point in wallowing in the sewer water about it.

At the end of the day, we all get what we deserve. This has nothing to do with destiny, or other religious bullshit ideas. I am talking about Darwinism, the type of shit that shines the light in your fucking face and let’s you know you suck at baseball and will never make it to the pros. Most of you reading this gospel will not make it as an individual investor, either due to lack of depth in your resources or because you are retarded. Either way, your potato eating asses will come back here, to enjoy the splendour that is iBankcoin, bearing witness to the greatness that is “The Fly” and his holy disciples and army of skull cracking gentlemen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=xAl7zvdYKKk

If your stocks are languishing today, that’s because investors are, ever so quietly, shifting focus away from high growth into stodgy dividend payers and traditional businesses. At the moment, the whole “social scene” isn’t quite working. Oil and gas has been hit or miss; but CHD and KMB have been on steroids.

Going into the month of May, look for more of the same, as people move away from risk into reliable names, like K, GIS and KO. Now that I have more than 50% of my assets in cash, I intend to put my money where my mouth is and begin a campaign of buying some “stodginess” on Monday. In addition, the refiners are a go, providing Brent-WTI spreads can sustain $15, which I think can easily be accomplished.

I have to run along now but that’s where my mind is for the moment. PPT members can find my watchlist titled “Immediate buy list.”

Ciao (the most annoying form of goodbye)

This has to be the stupidest holiday, reminding people to be nice to the Earth and shit. What the fuck?! If I feel like throwing plastic milk cartons onto the side of the road, I will do so, regardless of Earth day. Fuck you Nanny state jackasses, always sucking the knobs of bureaucrats  who do nothing but send your sons into wars to be killed or maimed.

Fuck Earth Day.

Having said that, I do like the green natured folks over at CPST, them and their little turbines. If you have an interest, watch the CEO’s interview on Fast Money last night.

Futures are higher; but I don’t trust this market. The Euro is higher, but so are Italian and Spanish yields. Now I don’t want to stay in cash, unless it is absolutely necessary. In other words, I will be avoiding the comfort of the tall grass in exchange for the bank robbery scene, fully knowing I may get shot in the process.

More on this shit, and other stuff, later.

Shot out to Woodshedder, RC and the other southern plantation owners on this site.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfefScAfD6g

Thanks to the miraculous late day recovery of YELP, coupled with today’s moonshot of CPST, my losses were negligible. I sold out of 60% of my stocks when the market was up. In a way, today was a win, even though I lost.

The summer is around the corner and “The Fly” is hellbent on stepping up his game. I found a home worth renovating and my focus is now fixed on stocks. No distractions, nothing but me and the screen.

The CEO of CPST will be on Fast Money today. I suggest you watch that fucker spin his yarn. He is very persuasive. I am sure his presence will only help the cause for CPST longs. All in all, today was okay–only because of the late day surge. Other than that, AAPL is in sell mode and stocks are fucking suspect until Europe just tells everyone to “shut the fuck up, we’re gonna print new euros until we’re blue in the face!!!” (note 3 exclamation marks)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYNcBcDmFTs

Well, the stock Gods do not favour me at the moment. Everything I’ve done over the past month has resulted in one giant circle jerk. I ended up break even to flat on some of my larger positions, like TDC and BID, but down slightly on the others, like GLW and MAS. At the present, I am holding this piece of shit YELP and cockstar CPST and a newly minted WNR position. I have about a dozen stocks on my “to buy list”, but will exercise patience before buying. Sometimes it’s important to know when you suck dick, in order to start fresh, clear the cobwebs from your brains.

As for me, I’ve concluded the waters are poisoned by Spanish fuckers, drunk off sangria, living off the tits of others. This new version of “fuck you, you’re dead” is very troubling to me. I don’t like the idea that the entire financial system can melt down at any moment, without the explicit help of central banks. Think about that one for a minute.

It’s nice to live in fantasy land, as long as the fucking fantasy exists. When the facade is removed and we are able to see the ugly bitch that is the financial condition of all western nations, on the verge of insolvency, we will not like it. As a matter of fact, we will not like it one bit.

Until that day comes, stocks like CRM, CTXS, and a host of others, should continue to do well. I like RAX, TEA, IPGP and even CTRP down here. I am tempted to buy a fuckload of stocks , so that I may attempt to retake lost coin. But experience tells me I need to shut the fuck up and take a day or two to get my head straight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ThJ-kqPiCo

I am now 50% cash, liquidating everything but WNR (I bought it earlier today), YELP and CPST. I did this to regain control of my destiny. I felt the blend of equities were not working, as evidenced by the lackluster performance. So, instead of sticking with them, agonizing over every tick, I opted to clean slate. It’s good for the mind and the soul.

With the proceeds I intend to reinvest, methodically, on my terms, in names that are better suited for this tape.

MS, BAC, EBAY, VMW and FFIV are doing well post earnings. Actually, as a whole, about 80% of companies are beating expectations. Nonetheless, this game isn’t about earnings, unfortunately.

When I woke up this morning S&P futures were +9 and Europe was up more than 1%. By the time I sat down to eat, things reversed, spearheaded by the drunkards in Spain, completely voiding the rally that had sustained while I slept. This is terribly chagrining, especially since the root of the problem isn’t going away.

When LTRO was launched, markets rejoiced because Greece and the European banks had been saved. But now the bond wolves are clamoring for Spanish and Italian blood. I’m afraid they will not stop until they get it. Now the end result will likely be the same: more bailouts, more liquidity. However, before we get to that, we need to deal with now.

Spanish yields and CDS are creeping higher and their fucking stock market is shit. It’s only a matter of time before this becomes a major topic of discussion, just in time for the cocksucking month of May.

Yes, it’s true, I was buying MLNX sub $20 and was praising them before Ellison bought in. It’s also true that I sold out, like a pussy, before the run. There is a conundrum when dealing with the complexities of macro market timing: you miss out on good ideas due to fear. Well, the only way to deal with that is to accept volatility and potential downside in favor of dollar cost averaging. The only way to effectively conduct such a strategy is to possess ample cash reserves, especially before the market declines–something I lack.

In short, the game has changed and the hunters have become the hunted. But it’s important to remember, good ideas are always worth their salt. A delicate balance must be adhered to in order to participate in the upside, while trying to avoid the murderholes of the market.

Remember what I said: the best time to buy a winner is anytime.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MzrAGZHDvo

I just got back from a day of visiting sub par residencies, chagrined to see the market shit the bed again. I know my stream of consciousness resembles one of a psychopath, scattered over a wide array of emotions and idea. But let me be clear about how I feel right now: the market is weazened, likely to trade lower. I need to reduce my exposure to avoid potential downside that is likely to be material.

There’s a good chance the market will trade up tomorrow and I will forget about this post. One way or another, cash needs to be raised because this shit is making me nervous.