iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
21,146 Blog Posts

Prepare For the Dark Ages

After the European banking system undergoes a comical $10 trillion write-down, all deposits will be wiped out. The contagion will spread to the United Steaks, effectively cutting off the municipal bond markets, bankrupting retarded ghetto cities, like Detroit and Cleveland.

All of Europe’s big banks will fold like cheap tents, carrying their markets down another 75% from current levels. Financing will be eliminated, which in turn will result in the bankruptcy of any company who depends on short term lending to finance day to day operations. Due to pension fund liabilities, small outfits like Lucent and General Electric will be wiped the fuck out.

Wait, it gets better.

We’re gonna finish where we left off in 2008, with shipping rates plunging by 99%. Counter party risk will be too tenuous to deliver goods. As a result, your local grocery stores and shopping mall will be wiped clean. You will have to resort to the ancient practice of cannibalism, in order to survive the barren winter months.

No matter how rich you are, your mortgage will default, unless you have cash tucked away in a vault. See after the great $10 trillion write down in Europe, $100 trillion in US derivative risk will be triggered, wiping out all of the money ever known to mankind. Every bank and brokerage firm in the Northern Hemisphere will be shuttered.

Banks will try to evict you just to procure the raw materials inside of your home. You will literally need to shoot the marshall from seizing your property, else end up homeless in the streets, where the police serve as warlords for local tribes– enslaving people to farm the streets of Manhattan.

The United Steaks government will collapse, set off by a tidal wave of secessions from southern psychopaths.

In the meantime, German inflation will be firmly under control.

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114 comments

  1. Mike

    Damn. That toolbox Cramer really got your knickers in a wicked twister today. Have a nice cup of tea. You’ll get it back.

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  2. Mr. Cain Thaler

    Lol

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  3. wcesq

    better stock up on the Chianti!

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  4. MOOBER

    You will have to resort of the ancient practice of cannibalism…

    Queue Zombie in 3…2…1…

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  5. Mad_scientist

    One more reason to hate Germans. The hatred grows every day.

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    • TJWP

      Yes a 1000 pardons that we saved while you played the glutton.

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      • Mad_Scientist

        And in English?

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        • Jakegint

          He saved his money, you spent it.

          Ant and The Grasshopper.

          What I don’t get about TJWP is how Germans can carry the incredibly fiscally conservative construct in their head while at the same time being as ultra-liberal (at least in TJ’s case) as the most profligate Nancy Pelosi campaign button wearing San Franciscan.

          Is it like… war guilt or something?

          ________

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          • rabot

            No, it’s called responsible centrism and common sense- an idea most Americans ditched right around 1980.

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          • Blind Read Ant

            The best way to get it, spend some time ova’ there, then come back to America (like 3 months).

            You’ll see America in a totally new light.

            We hold the crown that is hypocrisy.

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          • TJWP

            Because we don’t waste our budget on retarded shit like wars all over the world, dictating policy to other countries and, massive government waste while claiming we don’t have money to feed the poor.

            For the record, I am not a liberal. I simply believe that a modern society doesn’t have a moral obligation to look after its weaker members by preventing extreme poverty, providing healthcare… etc. Anyone who identifies themselves to a ideology without considering the facts in front of them isn’t a liberal, conservative, communist or fascist, simply a moron.

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          • TJWP

            *does have an obligation

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          • TJWP

            As for war guilt, that shit is the worst thing done to the German people since the reparations following WW1. The notion that Germans bear a collective guilt for the actions of a few is synonymous with blaming all Americans for the massacres caused by the tinpot dictators their government installed and supported, or for the genocide of the Native Americans.

            Frankly, I expected better from you Mr. Gint. That comment was not befitting of a gentleman.

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          • Blind Read Ant

            tj, dude, you’re not god, nor a god.

            Chill out.

            Be a man.

            Buy a ticket. convert some cash and be nimble, not always humble, and hear (not adhere) to my words.

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          • TJWP

            Sorry maybe I wasn’t emphatic enough for some of the simple folk in saying you can take that war guilt comment and go fuck yourself with it.

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          • Blind Read Ant

            (As you keep lecturing).

            Ok.

            One day, good luck.

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  6. McEwan

    What we need is a good ol’ fashioned European ground war. That should fix those Germans but good!

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  7. Cloris Leechman

    Have you planted your winter crop of carrots yet?

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  8. No One

    Fly bottom

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  9. Keith Shepard

    But wait! There’s more…not only do you get this full set of 35 Ginsu Euro defaults, you also get this global meltdown and Chinese overlords…FREE! All of this for only $19.95*. We’ll even through in a ShamWow! mortgage forgiveness for a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y nothing!

    Order today!

    *Add $3,000,000,000,000,000.00 for shipping and handling. Offer not valid in Detroit or Cleveland.

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  10. Trader Traderson

    Funny stuff, but when I inevitably see something like this on the front page of the NYT, it’s time to go long all in.

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  11. Mad_scientist

    Will the HFT machines be punishing me tomorrow? I ask myself that question each night before I go to bed.

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  12. djmarcus

    fly, i have started taking MMA lessons and now own 14 guns. furthermore, i have secret supplies stashed in 12 of the largest cities in the us. additionally, i have many different fake ID’s, i am a citizen of 3 different countries, and am in the process of buying my own private island, complete with self sustaining energy and filled with space food that never goes bad.

    bring it on

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    • The Worst Is Yet To come
      The Worst Is Yet To come

      14 guns? are you planning on shooting some with your feet and private parts? wait, that’s till only 5 total needed

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  13. dffapa

    Stay Short my friend, Stay short!!

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  14. TraderCaddy

    I saw that scenario in a movie in about 1980 (the original, not the remake). It was called Escape From New York starring Kurt Russell.
    I definitely recall walking out of that one about half way through muttering,”I paid $1.50 to see that piece of crap.”

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    • ottnott

      “I heard you was dead”.

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    • Snake Plisskin

      You’re not worth wast’n a bullet on – I’m going to let the rats turn you into Thanksgiving giblets – say hello to your mother for me…

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  15. dffapa

    When Chess and RC have one position each, I take notice!! Noticed you sold some shit today too!

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  16. Taco

    Must be time to buy again.

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  17. dffapa

    Not yet!

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  18. Hugh Hendry

    I agree completely.

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  19. Yogi & Boo Boo

    I’ve got my canned tuna and dried beans. I’m ready. Lol.

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  20. GonzoT

    You forgot all that bad debt is insured with CDS.. so all is well.. fear not.. they sold all those CDS and they are good as the gold bars in Fort Knox……until you need to cash one.
    Worlds biggest game of old maid IMHO.. would not rule out a turkey day bullshit rally.

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  21. andi

    This won’t all happen at once, it will take weeks maybe two months.

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  22. Dirk Diggler

    Banks won’t have the funds or the firepower to evict everyone. There will be mass squatting in millions of houses with no utilities. Moral code will break down, and brutal violence between landlords and tenants in poor areas. Break-ins and murders will become common in nice neighborhoods. The rich will dress like the poor and park their BMWs in their garages, while driving around in 20 year old American cars. Governments will provide basic food to most citizens. Nuclear war will eventually break out and wipe out major populations every country except Paraguay. Aside from isolated cultures like the Sentinelese, there will be millions of zombie-like survivors dying slow cancer deaths.

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  23. TeahouseOnTheTracks
    TeahouseOnTheTracks

    Better to be a Pats fan than a Giants fan at this point in the schedule … I’ll leave you the Daily OEW Recap as I prepare for a win (No Rex Ryan) ….

    “Today’s decline took the market into the upper range of the OEW 1168, 1176, 1187 pivot cluster. The decline also stopped at the 50% retracement level (SPX 1184) of the 1075-1293 uptrend. Should our short term bullish count be correct, the market should now rally somewhat to complete a Minute wave iv, and then decline into the OEW pivot cluster again to complete the correction.”

    “Short term support remains in the 1168, 1176, 1187 cluster, with resistance now in the upper 1190s, 1209 and then the 1222 pivots.”

    Too late for Longs to sell or go short but Shorts should consider profit taking if you have some shortly ….

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    • Jakegint

      Pats are done.

      Their soul was removed — permanent style — by a very special catch in February of 2008.

      So sorry.

      Those 19-0 tee shirts looked good on the little Nicaraguan kids, however.

      _______

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      • TeahouseOnTheTracks
        TeahouseOnTheTracks

        no matter how you spin it, it’s still sour grapes … watch Manning throw interception after interception until your season is toast.

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      • The Plumbers Crack
        The Plumbers Crack

        The e-girls will take down the Pats like they did the Giants!
        Haha!

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  24. Wee-Bey

    Bernanke gonna drop the hammer soon. He’s sitting in his David Lynchian room scheming some serious action; holiday hot toddy & blunt in hand.

    Ed Yardeni thinks so too:
    “Given the ECB’s reluctance to act, I suspect that the Fed will spearhead the formation of a Global Liquidity Facility (GLF) to avert a global financial meltdown. Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke demonstrated that he is a master at putting together such emergency measures back in 2008. In effect, it would act as the world’s central bank. Mr. Bernanke is clearly very worried about the prospect that the European sovereign debt crisis is a contagion that could spread to the US, as evidenced by his bizarre town hall meeting with troops returning from Iraq on November 10. The GLF would receive deposits from the Fed and other participating central banks, including the ECB. The funds would be used to buy the bonds of debt-challenged governments that would be required to accept strict supervision of their fiscal and regulatory policies by the IMF.”

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    • Mr. Cain Thaler

      The Fed anticipation is wishful thinking.

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      • Jakegint

        GLF??

        LOL. What was that thing we called the rate cuts a few years back? I actually made the term up and now I can’t think of it.

        Damn Al’s Hammer.

        ______

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  25. Mayan Man

    December 2012 is right around the corner. We may witness what the Mayans prophesied 1000’s of years ago.

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  26. Dick Durban

    Look on the bright side, now that the Republicans have made a “principled stand” and screwed Western Civilization, at least Obama will get re-elected.

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    • Jakegint

      I think it was you Dimocrats who turned down $500 bn in “new revenue” because you wanted rate increases, most appropriately named Senator Dick.

      0bama is so toast, your apparatchik leaders are calling for Hildabeast again.

      Good times!
      __________

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  27. dave

    This is getting interesting. My great grandfather was wiped out in the great depression. They tried to take his 600 acres. They were met by force by my grandfather and the neighbors he extended credit to to buy the neccessities of living.
    They didn’t get his land. He died in near poverty and left his land to his children.

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  28. ecchymosis

    Senor Fly has drunk too deep from the cup of optimism.

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  29. KCScott

    Ich bin ein Kannibale. Ich werde essen, Hedi Klum ersten.

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  30. Damon

    Damn, and I thought I was burnt out from watching the market tick-by-f’ing tick all day.

    Fly, if you need a safe retreat, you are always welcome to move out in the woods with my wife, 2 German shepherds, and large stock of firearms, food and water (not to mention firewood)

    Of course you would have to get out of New York, and cross the country to do so. But we’ll be waiting for you…I figure it’ll take you about a 6 months, but we have great high-speed internet!

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  31. domtex

    First time in a long time that Fly is more pessimistic than Tyler at ZH…there must be a buy,or sell, signal in this.

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  32. mhass33

    What if that really happens. The charts certainly don’t look bullish

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  33. NeedAMillion

    If the Fly is right about all the issues mentioned here, then why don’t you believe that “no money” era will come. The “star trek” moneyless society, where we don’t use currency. What we don’t have is the machines that produce food like it comes out of the ice section of the freezer. Then we also need the energy source that heats the home cheaply, and maintain the homes in case of natural disasters. Then we need transportation devices like that on Star Ship Enterprise, and airplanes will be obsolete, and jet fuel is obsolete.

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  34. Vegas Trader II

    I was told to “stfu” today, now I’m afraid to express my opinions..

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  35. sooner

    This may be the funniest post I’ve ever read.

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  36. Bullish

    Are you trying to use reverse psychology on the market? Very clever!

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  37. Dishwasher

    What it comes down to is this:
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-15830844

    If it is true we can get neutinos to go faster than the speed of light, going back in time is the next step. Then (and only then), we can we go back in time and fix this fucker.

    If neutrinos can’t exceed the speed of light (making time travel impossible), I will invest max leverage inverse ETFs until everything burns down and my stupid dinkorsink account is blown apart. Luckily I will have my bomb shelter and guns fully stocked with some silver coins.

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  38. ottnott

    Why pay your mortgage when you can buy the entire bank for a buck and forgive the debt?

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  39. jimmy_two_times

    The Fed will step in and so will ECB. Its not tiem yet. That’s all.

    When they do step in, it will be nuclear.

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  40. drummerboy

    i cant wait, wanton murder of any politico i want including cramer.while the masses cheer over said deaths

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  41. 'merica

    I think Mexican drug lords are nicely positioned for the imminent collapse. But, their power may dwindle when the US government stops shipment of ak47’s and replaces them with potato guns.

    In all seriousness, I’m beyond sick of these overnight moves. How the hell are you supposed to hold anything overnight. It’s a flip of a fucking coin. I’m starting to despise the futures markets.

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  42. Heaterman

    I was just in Cleveland a couple weeks ago and it is already bankrupt in several ways. Some guy drove up to me as I was leaving a restaurant and tried to panhandle me. Said he had to get to his daughters place in Pittsburgh. I gave him a couple bucks and he took off, then came back when he discovered it was only $2. Told him to get lost.

    It is rumored that Detroit will run out of funds by April and have to declare BK.

    Your prophecy will be fulfilled Fly.

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  43. Half Blood Pope

    Do not get all crazy risky here Professor Fly. Save some money and simply pay to have me professionally made to look like Jimmy Cramer. I will give you 10 free punches to the face for $40,000. It will be much less risky than buying crazy out of the money calls and will make you feel much better.

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  44. Blind Read Ant

    Excellent post LeFly.

    I would add to your mention:

    “You will have to resort to the ancient practice of cannibalism, in order to survive the barren winter months.”

    Plus the commented “chianti,” be sure to get bulked 5-gallon buckets of fava beans too.

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  45. on the wall

    and you may lose money.

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  46. ?

    Ah yes….mindless panic and planless, emotional responses.

    Oh no, the market is not fair! Best to stock up on ammo and toilet paper!

    Not yet…..but very soon there will be coin to be harvested from nervous hands.

    Same as it ever was.

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  47. Sierra Water

    The Secret Hand of the New World Order is showing itself. We are in the last stage of the Illuminatis’ master plan, to create a new world order by providing order out of ruin and chaos. He who will lead this new world order will be no other than Rick Santorum.

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    • Jakegint

      ROFL!

      Sierra is always good for an out of left field guffaw.

      Santorum is even more unelectable than Gingrich. Is there any more humorless thin-skinned prig extant?

      And I say that wholly respecting his pro-life stance. That said, he should get out of politics and go run the NRLC or something.

      ____________

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  48. Vegas Trader II

    I’m calling it right now… Bulls come out in the a.m. as If their balls are being prod with 240v a.c.. But, to no surprise, we melt down big time.. You heard it here 1st.

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    • TeahouseOnTheTracks
      TeahouseOnTheTracks

      Heard it here 1st? Hahaha ….

      I posted this 3.5 hours ago up above:

      “Should our short term bullish count be correct, the market should now rally somewhat to complete a Minute wave iv, and then decline into the OEW pivot cluster again to complete the correction.”

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      • Vegas Trader II

        Just making sure you know your shit..

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      • Vegas Trader II

        I thought for sure you copy and pasted that A B C wave stuff without even reading it.. Guess not..

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        • TeahouseOnTheTracks
          TeahouseOnTheTracks

          I thought the same regarding your stock picks … guess we’re even unless TZA hits you in the head like a meat cleaver. In which case, I win by default not dissimilar to the Pats tonight.

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  49. gumby

    A GBoJ Finance Minister Azumi says any BoJ purchases of foreign debt would be same as intervention…intersting Bull Case Potential here !

    Reply
    glimmer of Hope to Spread !

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  50. Vegas Trader II

    Where the hell has Alf been?

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  51. Speaker for Neutrinos
    Speaker for Neutrinos

    We know! But Relativity won’t let us tell you. Does this not conflict with our rights?

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  52. gumby

    From FT: Euro area deflationay threat is real, ECB statute calls for price stability, Soros and Bofinger write.

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  53. moolahheaven

    The ‘Fly’ has written many brilliant blogs, this however is by far the most brilliant of all!

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  54. Yabollox

    Zero Hedge cannot hold a candle to the Fly.

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    • No Doubt

      For a second, I thought I was reading ZH material, then I realized this shit is wayyy better.

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  55. Po Pimp

    I wish you fuckers would quit trying to shake me out.

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  56. JakeGint

    The Great God Turkeyus Lurkeyus will be wrathful at your lack of faith!

    Prepare to be cast into the pits of the Slor!

    ____________

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  57. Juice

    I say – Bring it on!

    8)

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  58. xochi

    You have described the scenario where Gold and Silver are currency with perfect accuracy. Can’t wait to spend my
    “wealth” in such a world. Whatever.

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  59. cheesetrader

    I’m thinking I’ll prepare a manducken for Thanksgiving: a midget stuffed inside a regular guy stuffed inside a fat guy, wrapped in bacon.

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    • Jakegint

      That’s a mandwarfen.

      A manducken is a chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a mesomorphic man of your choice and roasted for four hours w. giblets.

      ______

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  60. riggedgame

    Its the End of the World, guys! Right?

    (But buy your TNA at the opening for a 4-5 day monster rally).

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  61. Spooky

    The best line here is the last: And Germany will have inflation firmly under control. Indeud. Flabbergasting irony, nein?

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  62. josh

    The last line is the BEST!!! WTF are they doing over there????? Yeah inflation is tame alright. Look at the French and Italian purchasing managers index graphs! Looking like a steeper drop than 2008. I think it is definitely the europeans who have been phat and happy for far too long. Funny that its the lazy fat Americans who receive most of the criticism but after watching the entire Eurozone crumble away this is almost comical. I have also lost 50% four different times this year on IWM puts. If I buy puts soon it will be back to the bulls!!!

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