Dear Mr. Lewis,
I require fancy things, because I am accustomed to such niceties. Prior to receiving my services, I request several things from your embattled firm, which are, as a point in fact, non-negotiable.
The interior of my office is to be laced with pearls and my desk must be of the antique variety, preferably colonial era zebrawood. My wife says I look good tanned next to zebrawood.
Once inside my office, I must feel captivated by the decadence of 17th century Persian rugs, which can be acquired from the Newport Restoration Foundation. And, let’s not forget, I must have several chrystal chandeliers, made from Strass, all within 14.5 feet of each other, in order to capture the perfect lighting and establish proper ambiance.
My chairs must be from Africa, made from 100% pure ivory elephant tusks; and my bathroom is to be constructed with the rarest black Moroccan marble available, preferably from the Pietra Naturale quarries.
Last but not least, because I am an awfully busy, busy man, of great importance and consequence, I must be in possession of a regal commode—as I am too busy to walk to the rest room during work hours. See, I am in the business of creating wealth for the world and find it extraordinarily cumbersome to gallivant to the local bathroom, which is 20 feet from my desk.
When I have to go, I must go.
Oh, one more thing, I will also need all of the crown moldings and lamp shades replaced, with something of a French, 16th century flavor.
Be sure to spend no less than $1,220,000 on these small, minor luxuries. Remember, your company is in great need of my expertise and services.
After these demands are met, I shall endeavor to increase the quoted share price of your beleaguered firm, in exchange for a small stipend of only 300 million dollars in stock and cash bonuses.
All agreements and conditions of my employment shall be agreed upon under strict contract, which shall be forwarded to you from our legal department, by the end of today’s trading. Failure to live up to such said demands shall lead to my automatic resignation, by which your firm will be obligated to offer severance of 550 million dollars.
Good Day,
Mr. J. Alexander Thain
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And to look real nice , he needs a Orlo Salon haircut. apprx $800.00
ROFLLLLLLLLLLL
Short XLF to 0.0001. Fuck these A-Holes. FAZ to 1,000!!
Sure looks like Florida’s “Old Sparky” and used as the electric chair at the State Pen.
Looks convenient too. When the prisoner craps when the current hits there is a pull out bowl for easy cleanup.
Dear Mr. Thaine,
Why pay $1,220,000? I know a decorator who can create the perfect office for not a penny lower than $3,000,000.
In fact, if I haggle (which I will, in a vigorous fashion), I think I can get the price up to $4,000,000. I’m known to always get the best price in my deals.
Sincerely,
Ken
I could have gotten it for Thain wholesale.
Bravo, Fly! One of your best yet.
Epic post.
fucking classic.
Small timers.
I spent $1.2M on a tanning appliance, cuff links, and tooth whitening.
excuse me Cuervos, one day could you explain in the PG, this whole Chi-score bizness in a way that a person with only elementary statistics knowledge from years ago, can understand?
I’d like to follow along your 357MA trades and understand it better.
Sure.
I wonder if he uses the cupholder for Budlight.
thanks Cuervos 🙂
Somebody should put a bullet in that fuckers head.
Step away from the credenza, motherfucker!!
Classic line: Last but not least, because I am an awfully busy, busy man, of great importance and consequence, I must be in possession of a regal commode
LOL!!!
This is probably the look on Lewis face when he was ousting Thain.
http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/09QC7YP4ieclq/610x.jpg
And, here’s the look on Thain’s face thinking of his regal commode.
http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/06P75KAehKgOB/340x.jpg
good pics Skyb0x
@boca, it’s up. Hope it clears a few things.
classic.
Today 10:00pm
Microsoft Corp (US) Millions of computers have been infected by a software worm – NYT
– The virus is seen as the worst since 2003.
– The worm is called Conficker or Downadup and it exploits a vulnerability in Microsoft’s Windows.
citi gets happy on MA & Visa tonight:
Initiating Coverage of Visa and MasterCard.
— Initiating coverage with a Sell rating on MasterCard (MA, target $110) and a Hold rating on Visa (V, $46).
Don’t kid yourself. The Fly was simply describing his own surroundings.
I am trying really motherfucking hard to get pics of Thain’s office. Fucking Money shot. Cross your fingers.
Now let’s not be too hard on the guy.
Any CEO can go fuck a can of corn.
But it takes a CEO with the talents of Lewis to fuck the can of corn and then eat it immediately thereafter.
And it takes a CEO with the talents of Thain to not merely fuck the can of corn and eat it, but to leverage the fuckery by *fucking the very same can of corn the next morning*. And that’s why the $35,000 elevated toilet was a legitimate business expense. You can’t take a chance on automatic commodes that might flush your capital down the drain, especially when your entire business strategy is based on straining to leverage the company’s asses.
too fucking late.
I didn’t know robots take shits.
Fly that was great, and, a wonderful photo to go with, love the cup holder…….it that mother of pearl?
Excellent post.
The Fly is God.
A+ posting.
would read again.
Pfizer Inc. is in talks to acquire rival drug maker Wyeth in a deal that could be valued at more than $60 billion, said people familiar with the matter.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123268511212809429.html
These fuckers are doomed.
more to come.
regards
chuck
Classical, classy stuff Sr. Fly! You make me laugh and I dig you for that!
.
Great read. A man with such fine tastes is no one to trifle with. I will place all my families monies in such cultured hands.
Did you hear about what really brought down the US Air flight into the Hudson?
Did you really think they were just geese?
Conspiracy abounds:
http://www.ehowa.com/showpicture.shtml?image=whatbroughtdownusair.jpg
Why would you rather short those other 4 reits than SPG? SPG’s financials look worse to my lazy eye, with more rapidly increasing debt.
Gap’n go to the downside?
I will now STFU, and go back to my hole.
Asian markets closed like shit and the Europe is trading like shit. This feels like the end of the world again.
ha! good stuff. i’m impressed with your high culture adjectives. they were never ending.
Feels like Devil Dog has been right on everything….except his gold price target.
Gio
Who are you talking to? If it’s me, then fuck off, nimbus.
Sorry, Gio. On reflection it’s clear you were referring to the flyster’s post. sorry again.
Fly, are you going long again today? Why not just send me your money directly?
Looks like the board of directors found their scapegoat. Puts all their problems in a nice neat little box so they can steal more loot from the federal reserve.
Atlas Bubble,
I just calculated your IQ. Good news…you finally broke 55. Your score 57
Keep up the good work.
Oh and for the record…perma bears look like geniuses when the market moves down. They also look stupid when the market moves up. Please make a note of that for your next IQ test.
Zombie, why do you blatantly offend God? Repent.
Ziffle,
What made my score go up?
Oh, and some advice to you. Relax.
Mr. Thain forgot to request a crappy, blue, plastic AM radio. Where, oh, where could he find one of those???
Fly- Have any PPT info on EZPW?
I worked with one of the Board of Directors members for 15 years and I see the stock is up. Pawnshops doing okay.
Funny….but really more sad since its basically a true representation of how some think
TLT is into the gap from 11/28 12/01…look for support at 104.44 the high of 11/20……that price objective will finish off an 1:1 ABCD pattern.
GLD up on monster volume possible rotation out of treasuries into goldilocks