I Am Here to Help

While it’s true, “The Fly” is into sticking his chest out and spitting on 2nd place finishers; he also likes to play “financial vigilante” in his spare time. I share my thoughts with you, not only to build a 1st class financial website, but to help those of you on the outside trick the trickers at their own game.

The arguing on this site is healthy; after all, we are men. Men are programmed, through erroneous DNA, to hate one another. That’s why we punch each other in the face at parties and cut each others arms off during battles.

I’d ring alarms if, all of a sudden, all of you miscreants started to play nice, planning trips with one another.

As for the market:

I was up nearly 4% today, thanks to my long positions in banks, [[UYG]] , [[RKH]] . My energy plays took a step backward. But, I was able to knuckle my way in at the lower levels today.

Cognizant of possible light volume, end of August trickery, I sold out of my bank longs and Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] . I don’t want to press my luck, with the economy at a grind here—only growing 3.3% for the Qt. (rolling eyes).

My energy positions are bountiful. I will likely take some off the table tomorrow, ahead of the long weekend. There are so many short positions out there; I expect they will get squeezed.

Also, I like Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] , Southern Copper Corporation (USA) [[PCU]] and all of the military stocks, including Northrop Grumman Corporation [[NOC]] , General Dynamics Corporation [[GD]] , AeroVironment, Inc. [[AVAV]] and Lockheed Martin Corporation [[LMT]] .

However, at the present, “The Fly” is into pressing his luck, via egregious long bets on Western Refining, Inc. [[WNR]] , [[DIG]] , [[IEO]] and Arena Resources, Inc. [[ARD]] .

I bought 30,000 shares of Western Refining, Inc. [[WNR]] @$9.15. And, I bought 3,000 Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] @$80.15.

Disclaimer: If you buy WNR or EQIX because of this post, President Obama will outlaw oil. And, you may lose money.

Who wants to go short oil, into a long weekend, with a hurricane of death coming?

Tell me.

If so, you’re either a riverboat gambler or a degenerate OTB guy (no offense to online gamblers).

In my not-so-humble opinion, the easy trade is to get long Western Refining, Inc. [[WNR]] , Valero Energy Corporation [[VLO]] , Tesoro Corporation [[TSO]] , [[DIG]] and [[IEO]] into tomorrow, as Gustav shows his balls of fury.

If you choose, you can sell out tomorrow and take your winnings to the local race track. Or, you can roll the dice and hope Gustav will do some damage to those rigs, that cannot be fixed or walked away from.

Every once in awhile, it’s worth a shot to throw some dice. However, I suggest doing so, only if you have big gains (like me) to fall back on. If you are some sort of destitute loser, sit this one out or hedge it with a long [[DTO]] position.

Okay, now pay attention this time.

I am selling half of my [[RKH]] and [[UYG]] positions here, at $102.88 and $21.10. And, I am selling out my entire Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] position.

It was fun while it lasted.

I will sell the entirety of my RKH-UYG positions by the end of the day.

With the proceeds, I will likely hold cash or start nibbling at [[SKF]] or short Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]].

Check that Update: I am buying Western Refining, Inc. [[WNR]] , [[DIG]] in size.

UPDATE: I am 100% out of my bank longs, selling RKH @ $103.05 and UYG @ $21.22. However, I will hold my Wachovia Corporation [[WB]] forever.

I am living on borrowed time, being long the banks and Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. [[LEH]] . The circumstances were perfect for manipulation.

It all happened about 1 week ago….

I was becoming increasingly agitated by the lack of death and mayhem, within the banks and general indices. Then it dawned on me, like it must have dawned on Thomas Edison or that dumb Ford guy: do the opposite.

I’m sure Edison thought about making retarded candle lamps; but, instead, he decided to harness the power of Zeus to light brokerage firms across the nation.

Same with Ford. I bet he had plans to launch a new horse wagon or something; but, he eventually opted for a maniacal machine, operated by Saudi crude.

Evidentially, Ford was “addicted” to crude. Some might say he is the “Godfather of global warming,” “Mr. Diesel” himself. I just think he is the founder of a retarded car company.

Anyway, so it dawned on me, like it made sense for Genghis Khan to invade his neighbors on horseback, to get long the banks.

At first, I did it with the utmost amount of gingerly buys. Then, I got loud and boisterous. Finally, I ripped off my hedges, as if I was the Incredible Hulk, readying to punch a hole through a passing Ford SUV.

At the end of the day, I got lucky. God willing, I’ll get lucky again, just like Edison.

For now, I am addicted to oil, via [[DIG]] , [[IEO]] , Ultra Petroleum Corp. [[UPL]] and Arena Resources, Inc. [[ARD]] . Hurricane Gustav is a coming and he’s going to knock your power lines offline, effectively sending you back to the candle age.

I’ll get to you oil haters in a second.

As you know by now, “The Fly” is pimping this market with a very heavy hand, being long the banks. As unbelievable as it may seem, I knew this was coming, sort of like how animals know bad weather is coming (call me an ape and I’ll have your chest hairs punched off).

I sold out out of 95% of my inverse etfs’s yesterday, leaving me net long banks—in a very egregious way.

Part 2 of my victory will be in the energy pit—watch me.

Now I know many of you noodle twisters are big time oil bears. You make lots of offhanded, corny remarks, about how oil is “so doomed dude. Like totally, it’s going down.”

Let me remind you, criminals run the oil markets. They do not bow down to your asinine economics 101 rules. That’s like telling the Italian mafia to lower the interest rates on your loan, since Ben Bernanke lowered the Fed funds rate.

Sometimes I think many of you are delirious, from all of the misinformation you are fed, on a daily basis.

Calm down, put your charting rulers down and think.

Can we have it both ways—growth and lower oil?

Answer: No

Naturally, due to the nature of “betting on a storm,” oil will trade lower—should it (the storm) weaken or veer off course. But, the longer term picture has not changed. So, I will buy dips in crude and pray to Poseidon for furious winds to knock over those idiotic rigs, littering the Gulf of Mexico.

Aside from all that, I like Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] and short Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] .

This weekend, I’ll be chewing on 2 1/2 inch rib eyes, while you’re over salting flimsy skirt steaks.

[youtube:http://ru.youtube.com/watch?v=QQtLoJlQD6E 450 300]

Many of you wouldn’t know greatness if his cleats were stuck in your chest. “The Fly” is in the process of making his second greatest call of 2008 and most of you are doubting him.

Not only are you doubting him, you are not paying attention.

Often times, “The Fly” could care less if you read his blog or take advantage of his superior instincts and intelligence quotient. However, this time, you need to watch.

Speaking to my “smart friends,” I can tell you they are BIG TIME oil bears. In addition, one of them is heavily long Fannie Mae [[FNM]] , “based upon the technicals.” Without besmirching him too greatly, I say he is 100% wrong on both fronts.

Under no circumstance, aside from a criminal act, should the government enter Fannie at the equity level. Therefore, it is likely the stock will go to zero.

As for oil:

The trade is crowded to the downside. Everyone is betting against it, due to “dollar strength” and other gay stuff, like: “hey it didn’t go up on that Russian thing ova there.”

Look you, I have zero patience to explain how I operate and when I will catch fire.

Just know, “The Fly” is on fire, in a very egregious way, with year to date gains topping 45%—at the present.

Top picks: [[DIG]] , [[RKH]] , [[UYG]] , Southern Copper Corporation (USA) [[PCU]]

‘Cane Update: Via Dr. Masters.

However, most of the cone of uncertainty lies in the major oil and gas producing areas, and I give a 60% chance that Gustav will significantly hurt oil and gas production in the Gulf.

Do not sit in front of your television, with 3-D glasses on, chomping on caramel popcorn, rooting for Gustav while watching the weather channel, saying: “go Gustav go. Get them all. Do it. Do it.”

No.

Instead, act like a gentleman and quietly turn on the weather channel. Upon seeing Gustav heading towards oil rigs, quickly turn the channel—then smirk (privately), as if you knew something that Woodshedder was ignorant of.

This way, you will comport yourself with dignity, while assuring to swell the ranks of your brokerage account balances.

Now, understand, prior to landfall, there will be many false alarms and misinformation being spread by those who are gay. Do not listen to them, for they are trying to take your coin. Have faith in the fact that Hurricane Gustav is heading for the gulf and is attracted to those rigs like a magnet to metal.

With my money, I am heavily long of [[DIG]] , [[IEO]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and Arena Resources, Inc. [[ARD]] .

Some of my smaller bets include: Ultra Petroleum Corp. [[UPL]] , Global Industries, Ltd. [[GLBL]] , Clean Energy Fuels Corp. [[CLNE]] and GulfMark Offshore, Inc. [[GLF]] .

The watch list, which can be bought, includes:

Valero Energy Corporation [[VLO]] , Tesoro Corporation [[TSO]] , NGAS Resources, Inc. [[NGAS]] , GeoGlobal Resources Inc. [[GGR]] , Transocean Inc. [[RIG]] and Western Refining, Inc. [[WNR]] .

However, remember these stocks are trades and should be treated as such, despite how much “The Fly” makes fun of you for selling before he does. Use your own judgment.

Aside from oil, I love the action in Equinix, Inc. [[EQIX]] and Southern Copper Corporation (USA) [[PCU]] .

I own them and would buy both with impunity, based upon “welfare cheap” valuations.