Wall Street is a Fucking Ghetto

People are getting killed out there. We had daylight for a minute, then that bullshit Lehman CDS auction data came out. Naturally, CNBC is repeating the negatives every 3 seconds. They really do know how to stoke a little fear.

Then we have the dire situation at Morgan Stanley [[MS]] . Frankly, people do not believe they will get funding. How absurd is that?

Personally, I feel like my heart is going to explode. I have a few things going up; but it’s just too fucking volatile.

My favorite places to put cash right now is in The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] and [[TBT]] . Ag seems to respond to rallies with great vigor. And treasuries are beginning to sell off. TBT gets you short.

The oils have been offered no respite, with unbelievable declines in all of them. There is no need to single out a name. It is carnage.

At the end of the day, it’s only money and personal net worth at stake. No biggie.

UPDATE: I bought 10,000 Citigroup Inc. [[C]] @ $13.10

I’m buying into this pigsty.

Fuck this. I am buying [[UYG]] , General Electric Company [[GE]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and [[ROM]] .

I am cleaning out my cash reserves and going 100% long.

A great man once said: “no balls, no babies.”

Developing…

I made fun of “The Woodshedder Prophecy” yesterday for saying “we need several 800 point drops,” in order to form a bottom. Scratch that idea.

I am going to one up all of the fuckers on CNBC and say “we need” to drop like 5,000 points, over the next 3 days, in order to “form a bottom.”

Keep in mind, that bottom will be built upon fire and shit. Nonetheless, you will be happy to know, it will be “the bottom.”

Sifting through stocks this evening, I can make a strong argument for mass bankruptcies, from [[M]] to Prudential Financial, Inc. [[PRU]] . As you know, I have been warning of this crash for more than a year. As a matter of fact, up until two days ago, I was up more than 60% for the year. My gains are still bountiful, but my blood pressure is through the roof.

This failure is indicative of a failed society. One that let a corrupt government lead it by the nose into financial, moral and social bankruptcy, which inevitably may lead to national default.

Erroneously, I find myself long equities in the midst of this crisis. My plans, as always, is to slaughter them all. No seriously, I will be forced to duck and cover tomorrow. I might have to throw on some lightening fast hedges, in order to stem my losses. Moreover, I will look for a “real bottom” to form, around Dow 3,000—giving me motivation to lever up and get long some General Electric Company [[GE]] around $4.

No matter how much money you lose, always remember, there are armies of space aliens out there waiting to abduct you and perform anal cavity searches. Do not let those little big eyed green fuckers capture you and laser beam you up into their spaceships. They are first class asshats.

Top pick: Early Alien radar detection system

UPDATE: Apparently, Krull lost his shirt.

Click here to enter Asian pinball game.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcBwOelBeL4 450 300]

Enough of the sobbing.

Let’s lighten up the mood a little.

Thanks to this ‘Goldilocks Economy,’ which is being eaten alive by insane bears, I am forming a gang.

After all, soon enough, foreign governments will be pulling their money out of treasuries, effectively sending our dollars down to zero. So, with that in mind, I have decided to get proactive and form a street gang, in order to forage food from local banking executives. We will open warehouses around the country and store this food, in order to survive the apocalypse.

Who’s in?

You must admit, this economy is so impressive, it just makes you want to take up arms and drive a fucking tank into the White House. Pardon me for the overzealous idiocy, I have lost control of my capacity to reason.

Good friends of mine are literally looking for caves to live in, based upon far away planets getting set to crash into our fucking planet. These things are all good news, if you have a strong gang and the ability to seize the food supplies of local banking officials and/or mortgage players.

Just so you know, my first stop will be at the doorstep of the tanned one himself, Mr. Mozilo.

More on this later.

I am fucking irate at myself for covering my shorts and going long into this maelstrom. Call me sentimental, I didn’t want to give up hope for this country. Despite hating all of my neighbors, deep down, I want America to exist.

Instead, it looks like we are heading for a full blown collapse. From General Motors Corporation [[GM]] to Morgan Stanley [[MS]] to Prudential Financial, Inc. [[PRU]] to MetLife, Inc. [[MET]] to Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , it’s all over. People with money are frantically buying treasuries, like crack heads with access to a credit card.

Seriously, all of my peers have been obliterated. Most investors/advisers are long equities. Very few go crazy and short stocks, like Senor Tropicana. The general feel around the water cooler is despair and fear.

The conditions are perfect for a bottoming out. However, the fundamentals are so debilitating, no one wants to get long ahead of the next bad headline.

In closing, the world appears to be screwed. There is a full fledged rout on equities here, exacerbated by forced selling and nervous 401k players, like Steve. Also, idiots like me, who have been buying this dip, are giving up hope, taking losses and crying in their beer.

I’ll have you know, “The Fly” will never cry in his beer. He will die with honor and without any signs of weakness.

Brokers are idiots, in general. Seriously, I know like 2 people who have skirted this meltdown unscathed. Many of these series 7 Gods of finance are heavily margined and are praying for a dog bone or a rally, to bail them out. Unfortunately, they are unable to withstand the market fuckery and are forced to blow out of Chesapeake Energy Corporation [[CHK]] and other asshole stocks, at very low prices.

It’s typical for these men of money to wait until the end of the day to sell. That’s when the margin clerk comes into their office and throws hot coffee on their necks for not selling the day prior.

From 2-4pm, expect the market to get raped, until it doesn’t, due to margin call selling.

Also, unfortunately, since we have failed to rally, expect the market to fuck itself tomorrow, as it does on every Friday. Who knows what will happen over the weekend?

Ooh, scary.

Best case scenario:

We flush out today and tomorrow, then run higher first thing next week.

Worst case scenario:

We are met with multiple bankruptcies Sunday night, sending the Dow reeling to 7,000.

Place your bets.

UPDATE: I bought 1,000 National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $31.03.

I am hearing a lot of “we’re going to zero” jargon these days. All of my ‘smart friends’ have been wiped out, under a pile of equity shit and now fear for God and Country. After all, the country of Iceland is going out of business.

Don’t you find it amusing that news actually means something these days? I mean, I remember getting all pissed off and shit a few months ago, over the markets reluctance to acknowledge bad news. Now you Wells Fargo & Company [[WFC]] fuckers are in a grave. I wish you no luck.

However, at the same time, I am looking for a little bounce action in the banks, via being long egregious quantities of [[UYG]] .

During today’s tape, I’ve been adding to UYG and [[TBT]] , while selling Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] .

Without a doubt, should the market get back to normal, TBT will sprint higher.

As an aside, “The Fly” is about to go to Dunkin’ Donuts for a little “coffee fun.” But, as many of you know, I am embarrassed to be seen in such a grotesque place, which doubles as a hangout place for blue collar jerkoffs, who drive in police cars and build homes. So, I’ve decided to stand outside and ask someone to buy me a “cup of Joe” (blue collar slang), sort of like how teenagers ask adults to buy them beer. As always, I will be disguised under hat and fake mustache.

Here’s my pitch: “Hey you, do me a favor ova here, take this 5 dollars and buy me a cup of Joe. You can keep the change, ova here.”

Top pick: TBT