Poof. The Good Old Days Are Gone

Everyone I speak to feels as if we are living through special times. We are making history, in a very bad way, mind you. It’s not like “The Fly” to get all sentimental and shit; but I kind of miss the days of egregious excess, when people just ATM’d their houses and went long QUALCOMM, Inc. [[QCOM]] for shits and giggles.

Gone are the days of the cool new Motorola phone and it’s flamboyantly gay CEO.

Gone are the days when assholes went to Best Buy to purchase the new Garmin Ltd. [[GRMN]] device or better yet a TomTom.

Gone are the days when it was cool to buy Sirius Satellite Radio Inc. [[SIRI]] because Howard Stern was an employee. Or, better yet, buy XMSR, because their satellite shit was better.

Gone are the days of homebuilders acting like dot coms and dot coms accepting egregiously high take over bids (YHOO).

Gone are the days when soda stocks were cool: [[JSDA]] , Hansen Natural Corporation [[HANS]] , Cott Corporation (USA) [[COT]] , [[REED]] .

Gone are the days of stupid post 9/11 security stocks and asinine bomb detection companies.

Gone are the days of Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] and Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] dominating Jim Cramer’s Mad Money program and people getting all giddy over the iPod.

Gone are the days of storage plays like VMware, Inc. [[VMW]] or NetApp Inc. [[NTAP]] . All we do now is store warehouses full with worthless CDO’s.

Gone are the days of people in India eating 1 1/2 meals per day, effectively making Ag stocks skyrocket. Now, those fuckers are back to starving again.

Gone are the days when T. Boone Pickens was a successful money manager and oil was going to $1,000.

Gone are the days of absurd pricing power for the mineral and basic resource companies. Now they just suck.

Gone are the days of greedy private equity ballers and takeover specialists—buying companies for $100 billion out of thin air.

Gone are the days of endless Chinese industrialization. More importantly, gone is the notion that Chinese stocks can go up forever because they are surpassing the U.S. as King Cobra.

Gone are the days of cool euro’s. Now, the euro is some sort of bullshit 3rd world currency.

Gone are the days of lunatic seminar stocks like iMERGENT, Inc. [[iiG]] and pyramid plays, like USANA Health Sciences, Inc. [[USNA]] .

Gone are the days of making money off fat fuckers, via NutriSystem Inc. [[NTRI]] , Buffalo Wild Wings [[BWLD]] , Panera Bread Company [[PNRA]] and other restaurant names.

Gone are the days of powerful Wall Street brokerage firms, who could move a stock 10% on a morning upgrade. Now all we have is third tier bucket shops, like Oppenheimer Holdings Inc. (USA) [[OPY]] and Jefferies Group, Inc. [[JEF]] left.

Gone are the days of Mozilo and his kick ass tan. Add to that, his entire mortgage industry.

Gone are the days of BRIC.

Gone are the days when Carlos Slim from Mexico was the richest man in the world because his grotesque cellphone stock America Movil S.A.B de C.V. (ADR) [[AMX]] went up everyday.

Gone are the days of Google Inc. [[GOOG]] being cool. Now they’re just a bunch of dorks with a lot of free shit to give away.

Gone are the days of yoga and organic being “in.” Stocks like [[LULU]] and Whole Foods Market, Inc. [[WFMI]] can lick my dogs balls.

Gone are the days of “Jamba Juice” being a semi-cool place to buy a beverage.

Gone are the days of $200 jeans and $300 sunglasses, at least for Main Street. Now, all Main Street can afford is a pair of “Crocklers” from their local Walmart.

Feel free to add your own.

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I’ve canceled my plans to vacation in the middle of nowhere, in order to witness the great fuck up of 2008. It’s coming. I can sense it.

Hey, anyone else notice how done our auto industry is? I’d buy Ford Motor Company [[F]] and General Motors Corporation [[GM]] , only if I was playing with counterfeit bills.

Gold is just plain weird. It’s hard to trust the price, when the U.S. government owns more than 8,000 tonnes [sic]. Nonetheless, I have it plugged into my asset allocation models at 4%.

Over the last few days, I took losses in Freeport-McMoRan Copper & Gold Inc. [[FCX]] , Walter Industries, Inc. [[WLT]] and a variety of commodity fuck ups. As you know, I took gains in banks and now look forward to the next chapter of my investment life.

I’m a big believer in the end of the world, at least temporarily. So, there really is no need to be long commercial RE. Hell, the way I figure, Vornado Realty Trust [[VNO]] is about to get ape raped, amidst the elimination of NYC’s financial industry.

I guess some longs makes sense here too, ahead of the bailout. But, the smartest way to play the trickery is to be hedged. Never let the same event fuck you twice, is what “Grandpa Fly” used to say. God bless his soul and his fire arms.

In closing, you’re all assholes. I know that was entirely uncalled for; but I could careless. “The Fly” has lots of things to do, ahead of tomorrow’s funfouse of financial fuckery, so buzz off.

Hey, one last thing: is anyone else scratching their heads over that ridiculous capital raise, via Buffett, by General Electric Company [[GE]]? That smells very fishy.

Okay, time to go. I’ll be selling the rest of my longs tomorrow.

The GOP will not support the bailout. They will look even worse to their constituents if they support it on Thursday, after shooting it down on Monday. Instead of standing up for what they believe in, they will be viewed as folding to ‘fat cat’ pressure.

With this in mind, there is NO WAY I want to be net long, following Monday’s train wreck.

Instead, I want to be long large blocks of [[SRS]] and [[EEV]] , while waiting for an optimal entry point into [[SKF]] .

Should that fucker print $90, get long in a very egregious way.

As you can tell, I’ve lost confidence in the bull story. There was a shot to goose step this market higher. However, at this point, everything is very anti-climatic. Sell the rips, buy the dips.

NYC is set to lose another 40,000 jobs, thanks to the financial meltdown. As sure as I am sitting here, SRS will print $100 by Halloween.

There is no way on God’s green earth commercial RE companies will keep their share prices intact. Quite honestly, as opposed to outright lying, it makes me sick to see Vornado Realty Trust [[VNO]] , SL Green Realty Corp. [[SLG]] , Simon Property Group, Inc [[SPG]] and Boston Properties, Inc. [[BXP]] so rich in value.

Their market caps deserve to be sliced in half, as their tenants file for bankruptcy and their lines of credit dry up.

As always, getting long [[SRS]] , sub $85, is a great idea.

Oil is entirely done. I really have no interest in trying to bottom fish commodities anymore. In retrospect, I was wrong. Time to move on.

The banks are doing great, based upon news of nothing. And, tech is getting punched in the scrotum by Zeus.

Right now, I am too busy to even think straight. I’ll get back to you fuckers later, with an idea or two.

NOTE: His middle name really is King. You-can’t-make-this-stuff-up.

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That was sweet. The great panic of 2008 is over. Nothing to see here people. Carry on and get in line for your government bailout.

You do know the bailout haters will point to today’s insane stock market rally as further evidence against the need for urgent government assistance in the credit markets, right? The tax payer, who happens to be the Wall Street “fat cats” and successful business men, does not need no stinkin’ bailout.

As for me:

I was flat for the day, with losses in [[SRS]] and gains in a variety of old legacy longs, like Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] .

Looking back, I guess it was stoopid [sic] of me to sell in the midst of sheer panic. However, I get rattled quickly when markets swan dive. I am a big believer in the end of the world.

But, I refuse to sell my 15,000 Wachovia Corporation [[WB]] , despite the fact that they will not be able to keep a balanced book. They need to reduce debt. My guess, Morgan Stanley [[MS]] , or some other asshole, will eat the rest of Bob Steel’s bullshit funhouse. From what I hear, some very astute investors on the yahoo message boards feel WB is worth $15!!!

Yummy.

In closing, I am burnt out. I need to indulge in some sort of meaningless exercise in futility. Knowing that my faculties are temporarily offline, I have decided to stay away from the market.

Sometime soon I will snap out of my stupor and commence rolling on you fat fuckers, as if my name was “Fat Fucker Killer.”

Wall Street has twisted the arms of our regulators into changing the accounting standards (FASB), in order to hide toxic assets, indefinitely. This is a great idea, circa Japan 1990’s.

My guess, in an weird twist of lunacy, the market will close the day up 777 points, effectively tricking everyone into neatly fitted sleeveless dinner jackets.

I love it. Yesterday the end of the world was upon us; today, gamblers are back at the table drinking shots of bourbon.

My present asset allocation is neutral. I sold off many longs, erroneously mind you, yesterday, while buying up blocks of [[SRS]] , as if my head was attached to an automatic SRS buying machine—sort of like a diabolical robot, low on efficient wiring.

I swear on a stack of NY Mets baseball cards, I will not execute any trades today. I do not trust the market and believe congress, somehow, will fuck us again.

If you didn’t sell yesterday, take today’s bump to lighten up or hedge up a little.

Ever since the market crashed and shit, all of you asshats think you are Warren Buffett or Peter Lynch, extending world saving ideas.

Do me a favor and shut the fuck up. No one gives a fuck (or a fiddle) about your unseemly ideas, for they are filled with rank shit and tumultuous pig snot.

Some of you enjoy bailouts, while some of you are very much opposed. Who cares?

It’s sort of like jibber jabbering over romaine versus iceberg lettuce: they both suck.

If any of you have any money losing ideas, feel free to talk amongst yourselves. Personally, I have vendettas to commit to and large scale wars to undertake. There will be no rest for Senior Tropicana, until the balance of the Earth’s coin spills into his highly polished antique ashtray.

Some of you might ponder: “Dear Sir, what shall we buy now?”

My answer, unfortunately, is for you to go fuck yourself. I know it’s a really bad blogging stratagem. But then again, I really don’t care.

In closing, I am worried over Bob Steele. I understand he only has 7 homes. How much can one man endure? The pain must be insufferable.

Give that man a platinum parachute and God Bless America.