TO THE FAZMOBILE!!

Hordes of Armageddon loving misfits are scurrying up and down Wall Street today, in hopes of a near term market top. After all, President O’bama is a communist and America is stupid. Deep down, everyone is rooting for China to conquer the U.S. and enslave all of the fat guys, in order to “solve” the burgeoning unemployment problem. On a very personal level, I’d like to physically detach the entire state of California (save Danny), sending it right into China’s brand new shiny Naval fleet—effectively killing two birds with one stone.

All of the good news, recently bestowed upon your face, will be ripped off soon—like a Brazilian waxing.

Believe you me, there are some stocks going higher, even in today’s tape. However, I am not into that sort of thing. Instead of storing my dough in boring stocks, like PepsiCo, Inc. [[PEP]] or The Coca-Cola Company [[KO]] , I rather hold cash and live to kill another day. If you are interested in some sort of hand holding, during times of duress, you’ve come to the wrong place. Go buy a stuffed animal and eat a chocolate bar in the shower, if you are into that sort of pussified behavior.

So, what are we going to talk about? The market is going lower and I am not shorting stocks. Maybe I can give you fuckers real time updates on the condition of my cash. You know, I can let you bastards know if any of the bills get creased or torn— or update you of any minuscule money market rate changes.

“The Fly” is into that sort of thing, during the latter months of the summer. While sipping, NEVER GUZZLING, on a 50/50 blend of iced-T lemonade, I bowl on you—despite not even being in the bowling alley, if you know what I mean (you most certainly do not).

Go buy yourself a $100 tomato and let me know how your common stock portfolios are doing. I eagerly await rejecting all of your pesky requests!!

Ciao

Don Fly

I know most of you trade like ADD addled pansies hopped up on energy soda; but “The Fly” does not cater to you. He will not up the frequency of his trades just to placate the cigar wielding OTB guy who scours this site for ideas.

Early last week, I warned you to raise cash, yet you did nothing.

“The Fly” is playing this dip by not playing it. I have close to a 50% cash position and could care less what the market does today. I will not initiate any short sales out of pure unadulterated fear that the Goldman tradebots will cut my balls off.

As for my current positions:

At the moment, I am comfortable riding out this storm, in exchange for a sandwich or two.

Let this be 1:25am warning to all of you homegamers: raise cash now, else get ready to feel the full brunt of Wall Street, just waking up from months of unchecked— cocaine infused— partying, hung the fuck over, just looking to sell shit, as if their brains were fried from bad tabs of acid.

Before I leave, I want to share a few thoughts, regarding the recent run in commodities. Despite tepid demand, commodity prices keep going higher, with sugar at 26 years highs and copper at an egregious 10 month peak. Oil is above $70, despite a severe global downturn, which begs the question: is somebody trying to sell me a $100 tomato?

Look at this fuckery:

It’s almost as if, THE POWERS THAT BE, got sidetracked by some bullshit credit crisis. Frantically, they worked to eliminate the risk to the system, in order to sell me a $100 tomato. I will say this: “The Fly” will take your $100 tomato and smash it in your face. He will siphon gasoline from police cars and dump it into the Harlem River, while on one of his “late night drives.”

From Freeport-McMoRan Copper & Gold Inc. [[FCX]] to Alpha Natural Resources, Inc. [[ANR]] to United States Steel Corporation [[X]] to The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , we are in the midst of another commodity bull run. If you say it’s because of China, I will knock your mustache off.

It has nothing to do with China, dipshits.

All I have to say, in closing: beware of the $100 tomato, for you will not be eating it. Instead, it will be eating you.

Goodnight (crazy man unable to discern the correct time of day send off).

“The Fly” has lots of little, pesky errands to run today, so he will not be around to enjoy the market sell-off. Do not fear the sell-off, instead, embrace it. I warned you horse faces to raise cash and chill the fuck out. If you are getting “tea bagged” by today’s action, you have only yourself to blame. I know, it’s not fun watching the market rip through gains, like a stubborn cat through your collection of stuffed animals.

For me, it’s the same retarded stock, Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , that plagues me with losses. To be honest, sometime I feel like a “Simple Jack,” long that stock.

Don’t be surprised if a group of coked out bulls, backed by some Goldman robots, pared today’s losses in half, or more. Every time the market dips, someone is there to catch it. I don’t see any reason why that should not happen today.

Into weakness, I like Starent Networks Corp. [[STAR]] , Huntington Bancshares Incorporated [[HBAN]] and [[ENTR]]

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdp2rfb-z_M&videos=KMpZJ4qM_pI&playnext=16&playnext_from=TL 616 500]

There isn’t much more to say. The bears are being rotisserie cooked on a daily basis. The more people bet against the market, the higher she goes. Hence, that is why I will not short this market, no matter what. I much rather “cash-up,” than get my lips punched loose my a Goldman tradebot.

Top picks: Huntington Bancshares Incorporated [[HBAN]] , [[ENTR]] and Sterling Financial Corporation [[STSA]]

See where it gets you.

The last person that bet against me is now homeless and halfway dead, living the streets of Texas, with nothing more than a box of devildogs to his name. There is no reason to short stocks. Why do you insist on inflicting damage to your portfolio? You know, I know investors. I know how the family structure works too. I am 100% certain your wife would skin you alive if she found out what you were doing to the family nest egg. You sit there, in your little swivel chair, listening to people who have never managed real money talk about the coming depression and how you should be shorting stocks. These people don’t know what it’s like to make or lose a million dollars, because they fiddle around in a bullshit 5 figure account over at E-trade.

Don’t come here, on “The Fly’s” site, talking shit about my market hand, while you are there, just gawking at the screen. I take great offense to your ungracious behavior and would prefer if you would, kindly (or not), GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I bought some more Huntington Bancshares Incorporated [[HBAN]] today, looking for a major short squeeze. I can feel it; it’s gonna happen. Additionally, everything else, at least in my portfolios, is taking a breather. There are lots of other stocks that look good, like Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] , Alcatel-Lucent (ADR) [[ALU]] , Cypress Semiconductor Corporation [[CY]] , Regions Financial Corporation [[RF]] , Lindsay Corporation [[LNN]] , Patriot Coal Corporation [[PCX]] and UBS AG (USA) [[UBS]] ; but I do not feel like buying any. Don’t ask why.

In short, when you have the luxury of a 60% gain, there is no reason to press the envelope, on a muggy day in August.

I bought 25,000 Huntington Bancshares Incorporated [[HBAN]] @ $4.62.

Disclaimer: If you buy HBAN because of this post, your only son will become an aspiring actor. And, you may lose money.