Fucked on a Spindle

All of a sudden, I find myself a bailout lover.

Congress is not into helping out during times of duress. Those players have a vacation to partake in. After all, the democrats already won; why should they stick around and work?

We’re fucked every which way but loose. In light of a market meltdown, auto industry failure, banking crisis and a plain ol’ vanilla gay employment market, those cocksuckers are going on vacation. Don’t worry, they’ll be back December 8th to ask more stupid questions.

I don’t know what to say. You can’t go from down 200+ to up 200 to back down triple digits. The market is not able to take that much stress. Eventually, we’re going to have a fucking epic washout, unless we get some real leadership.

It makes no sense to buy stocks here, which is why I am buying. While it’s true, the oil sector is being machine gunned to death, I have hopes of some sort of miracle.

Nonetheless, the early rally has been defeated and pessimism is back in control.

As you know, my top buys are General Electric Company [[GE]] and Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , mainly as a bet that the whole house of cards does not fall.

Can the house of cards collapse?

Absolutely.

But, it has been my experience that the world does not end, even when it appears to be inevitable. While the pain is immense, trying to pick at names that have received the death card; the reward can be great.

Just know, the risks are extremely high now and is not for everyone. If you have a low risk tolerance, please, sit this one out.

Unlike past knife rides, I will not let these positions get away from me. Should they begin to mushroom cloud me, I will cut them loose.

Boy is this fun. What a stupid, asinine, industry I chose to gain employment in.

UPDATE: I bought 2,000 GameStop Corp. [[GME]] @ $19.09 and 2,000 UnitedHealth Group Inc. [[UNH]] @ $18.20

I bought 50,000 General Electric Company [[GE]] @ $13.15, 50,000 Citigroup Inc. [[C]] @ $5.10 and 10,000 [[UYM]] @ $9.95.

UPDATE: I am buying blocks of GE, C and UYM on a continuous basis.

UPDATE II: Now long over 100,000 [[GE]] and 200,000 [[C]].

UPDATE III: One last average down in National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , buying 10,000 @ $19.95.

UPDATE IV: I bought 30,000 Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] @ $12.55

UPDATE V: I sold out of my [[DUG]] position, north of $43.5.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, the world will end. And, you may lose money.

I’m covering my Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] short here, down below $14—despite knowing it will go sub-$10. I just have the craving to raise cash. It makes me feel as if I am stockpiling ammunition. I don’t want to be long or short right now. I just want to take trips to amusement parks, ride the rollercoasters, eat cotton candy and slap strangers with open handed slices of pizza.

My longs have been obliterated, including National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , [[ROM]] and [[UYM]] .

Frankly, I don’t know why I bought National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , considering I hate oil. I guess it was the volatility, coupled with past success in trading the name that made me do it. Nonetheless, it was a dumbass move.

I still own a decent amount of [[DUG]] . Believe me, I am tempted to sell that too. However, as long as I am dying in this NOV, I cannot sell DUG. It’s my oil hedge.

Speaking of oil: My guess, oil is going back below $20. This economy is not better than 2002. So, why should oil be 2.5x as expensive? It doesn’t make any sense.

At the end of the day, we know why oil was at $140 a few months ago: manipulation. Whoever goose stepped oil higher has been eliminated from the game of investing.

So sorry.

God willing we bounce today. Regardless of what happens, I will not buy more stock. The systemic risk is too high to get long, in an egregious way. You cannot risk too much, while Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] , Morgan Stanley [[MS]] and General Electric Company [[GE]] are on the precipice of the bottomless pit.

UPDATE: I sold out of my [[ROM]] and [[MOS]] positions.

The Fresh Prince of Saudi Arabia is upping his stake in Citigroup Inc. [[C]] to 5% and said they (Citi) have secured 50 billion in private funding.

Excuse me? 50 fucking billion.

That has to be dilutive.

Bottom line: Citigroup Inc. [[C]] is too big to fail and to save. It’s one of those conundrums that must keep the Treasury and Fed Chiefs up at night. Under normal circumstances, Citi should rally on this news and drag this whore of a market, by the hair, with it. However, we’re just in death spiral mode now, saddled by crashing commodity and employment markets.

Just watch C.

I am flush with cash. I am up around 70% year to date and in a 50% cash position; life could not be better. While you sit there, in despair, all worried about bills and employment and shit, “The Fly” is trying on new white robes and dressing up in authentic Chinese garb, mainly for fun. You know, in order to roam around the office and just karate kick the trader/servant in the neck.

I think it’s fair to say, we are in a code red, melt the fuck down scenario right now. In my trading history, times like this, right now, are when it is hardest to buy, but can be most rewarding. On a rally, Citigroup Inc. [[C]] can double. On a rally, Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and MetLife, Inc. [[MET]] will clown rape short sellers.

We’re at a crossroads. Either we break or boom.

Place your bets.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhjapY6jIGE 450 300]

Will The PPT come to the rescue?

Not the software version, mind you, the egregious assholes who jerk the chains of stock market lovers. However, should these men fail to succeed today, feel solace in knowing: all is lost. The country is coming to an end and you will have the pleasure and heart wrenched joy of telling the grandkids: “I remember when America shit the shower and when it ended.”

Our founding fathers had a clever idea, with this democracy shit. But, like all good things end, so will we, literally. Don’t cry for America. Just know, the local mall is still selling Coach bags for $459 and 3 inch wallets for $99.

There’s a diabolical plan in store for the citizenry of America. Through high taxes and inadequate services, it is clear, as well as evident, the foundations of capitalism have been betrayed for some sort of wild eyed thievery, all accepted and sponsored by our fucking elected politicians.

Back in the old days, men with hairy chests and knuckles would take up muskets to voice their opinions, against these clowns. Instead, today, we just bitch and moan on the internet, while downloading queer songs from fucking iTunes, and sipping on a homo cups of latte.

I’ve had it up to here with this pussfied country. Look at our auto CEO’s, begging for a bailout. If that was me, I’d tell the idiots from Congress: “look pal, we employ millions of people and we’ve been gang raped by your fuck ups too, via devaluing of the dollar, causing oil to spike and now the full blown collapse of the financial system, thanks to lack of regulation. If you want to go it alone, without an auto maker, so be it. Just know, you made things worse. Shame on you!”

Then I’d walk out, while sticking the middle finger at Shelby.

Into the close, I will do nothing. I don’t care if we rally 500 points. I am 45% long, 5% short and 50% cash. I am getting the stuffing kicked out of me, long idiocy. But, I can’t shake the feeling that we are due to bounce soon.

Nonetheless, I will not commit new capital, unless we knife through 7,800.

NOTE: Treasuries are in bubble mode again. [[TBT]] is looking attractive again.

What to do?

On one hand, stocks appear to be cheap. On the other, the market is telling us Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] and [[M]] are going out of business. If that happened, no doubt, the regulators would suspend trading and keep this market closed, until everything got ironed out.

There’s a run on the banks right now and the gov’t has run out of bullets. If the credit agencies downgrade Citi, they are done. If they go under, how can the gov’t save them? They are too fucking big.

Let me tell you, if there is a such thing as The PPT, or some secret agency who manipulates stocks higher, those fuckers need to step in now—right here— and get long egregious amounts of S&P contracts.

We’re on that slippery slope right now. My conundrum is: do I add to my fledgling long positions now or wait until there is blood flooding out of the NYSE?

By the end of trading, I will reduce my hedges to just 5% short, and keep a little [[SDS]] and short Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] . Furthermore, I will start to nibble, like a small rat inside a coffee can made from sweet corn, on [[ROM]] and [[UYM]] .

Look you, I can easily try to cherry pick an individual stock and try to get lucky and shit; but that’s stupid. Right now, we are convoy trading, up and down. The best way to make money in this tape is through the upside and downside etf’s, providing one has Godly market timing, such as myself.

Eventually, stock picking skills will be needed. We’re just not there yet.

UPDATE: I changed my mind. I’m not buying until we break 8k.

Shockingly enough,the market is down again, led by banks. The easy route is for me to get all bearish and shit again, calling for another “Grande Depression.” However, I believe in the Turkey Gods, as well as Santa Claus, and I will not buy [[SKF]] or [[SRS]] above $200—just on principal alone.

Our manufacturing base is insolvent. Big fucking deal. Can we have a Turkey rally already?

I’m telling you now, I got turkey on my brain. I’m obsessed with this shit. I find myself, while in top mental form, hanging pictures of turkeys on my office wall and writing the words “gobble-gobble” on my whiteboard.

At the end of the day, life is all about looking forward to Turkey Day rallies, isn’t it?

In all seriousness, look for a retest of 8k soon. I’m hedged by 20% and will take profits on the remainder of my shorts today, while praying to the Turkey Gods for a little lift in my longs.

Just to rehash:

I am long [[FXP]] , [[DUG]] , [[EEV]] , [[SDS]] , [[REW]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , [[UYM]] , [[M]] , [[ROM]] and short Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] .

My plan is to start selling the rest of my inverses soon, but hold onto my Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] short forever, or until it hits $8. With the proceeds, I will leave it in the money market account and wait for a good time to step in on the long side. After I’m done, I will have close to 50% cash.

NOTE: I sold out all of my [[FXP]] , north of $82.