Monkey See, Monkey Do

The last time that billionaire hedge fund manager, who operates out of the Short Hills Shopping mall, told you to be careful of stocks, at the SALT conference, everyone panicked for a solid two weeks. After all, David Tepper is God’s only bastard son and can do no wrong. Persons of interest and disinterest alike shorted internet stocks with reckless abandon. Everything seemed to go fine, until your faces got ripped off–placing Mr. Tepper in the indomitable ‘fag box.’

Wait, should I refrain from talking shit about Mr. Tepper because he has more money than me? I know many of you microbes out there like to judge a persons opinion based upon his account size. Should I qualify myself with screen shots of my 7 fig account balance before each blog? I know some of you sub-mentals have asked me to do that before. Hey, don’t forget to come to our fucking conference in Vegas, ok?

So now Mr. Tepper, sausage eater from Pittsburg, now working on the 2nd floor of the Short Hills Shopping Mall, directly above the Santa Claus picture centre, is telling you that rates are going higher. He’s called a bottom in interest rates (LOLz), the very rate the US govt pays to borrow money to conduct warfare and other unsavory events. With almost 20 trillion tucked away in debt, this guy, the sausage eater from fuckville, is telling me that interest rates, the cost of borrowing for the insolvent US govt, is going higher.

PUHLEEZE.

Once you get it out of your system and follow this psychotic into shorting treasuries because of the inflation boogyman, you will realize that it is implausible and certainly improbable for rates to go higher, to any large degree.

Having said that, TLT is lower this morning and has moved 5 straight points to the downside since 9/1. On the surface, it would appear massive inflation is being priced in, at the same time gasoline dropped by 15%. Because, ummm, I don’t know: because inflation is a figment of your servile imagination!

But then again, after QE1 ended we fell by 16%. After QE2 ended, we fell by 19%. Are you feeling lucky, punk?

Is it just me, or does this have the feel, the aroma, of a blow off top? Why on God’s green earth was FUEL up so much today? How in the hell did Option Addict know that LULU and WB would explode today?

All of these questions, AND MORE, must be answered soon.

I am sitting here in God damned treasuries, as rates trickle higher–ever so slowly. My utilities are flat and my long term stuff is working. I am +131% in FB, +66% in AAPL, +35% in WM, +33% in KMB, +29% in CHD, +22% in GILD, +21% in YELP, +21% in JAZZ, +21% in PANW and +20% in SLCA–just to name a few. Even dogs like GOGO have resurged, making me profitable once again.

This is a celebration of greatness and I want to have my share. I’ve been stuck on the idea that “this is 2000” and that is why I’ve elected this milquetoast approach to the markets. Perhaps I will be proven correct. However, as that process unfolds, I am missing out on opportunity, a cardinal sin for a fast money maven, such as myself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdvsYgmZ_DU

How much have you sinners made on those LULU calls that The Option Addict slaved over his computer for you? How much money are you making off his WB calls? Yet, there are are, sitting there like the road-slobs that you are, NOT, might I add, reserving airplane tickets to join him in Las Vegas on November the 8th.  Need I remind you of the improper decorum this spells out for you and your families?

Although the LULU calls are not up by much, only a mere 200%, the Weibo calls are indeud up a staggering 600%. A person, such as yourself, should feel obligated to pay this man his proper respects, am I not correct?

Gentlemen,

The market wants to head lower and you are still banking coin. We are in the last days of Rome, with a homosexual opera man as our Caesar. Envelop yourselves in the safety of high yielding utility stocks and the safety of treasury bonds. Toss away your sinful lottery tickets and prepare for the apocalypse.

Everything I’ve ever known and learned about the stock market is upside down. Nothing makes sense, only the people who’ve managed to decode the meaning to this rabble. One cannot navigate in treacherous waters without an engine, or a light, or at least a paddle. Take it from a man who has seen it all, studied the markets and has enjoyed gilded success: The Option Addict is the real deal.

Now go pay your respects.

I do these posts, every-so-often, in order to keep you heathens abreast with the ongoings of House Fly. As you all know, these posts are of utmost importance to provide you with a guideline to proper living, one of a gentleman and not some vagrant vagabond clad in cheap regalia.

For one, the summer is over and I am happy for it. There was a lot of gratuitous entertainment at my house and I’ve vowed to avoid drinking in public for the forseeable future. Also, living expenses are beyond stupid and this all has to stop sometime–might as well be now.

I’ve been hitting the gym fairly consistently, at least 3 times per week. I am on maintenance diet now and intend to bulk after Oct 31st, with a goal to gain 15 lbs. For those of you interested in unveiling who The Fly is at the investors conference in Vegas, just know that I will be heavily creatine’d up and would rather throw you off a balcony than permit you to out me. I will come with body doubles and will have other people wear watches and rings that look like the one’s I’ve worn in my stupid instagram photos. You will never catch me. Ever.

My business is booming, despite underperforming this year. You ponder how this is possible. Well, be patient son and I shall tell you. “The Fly” has a long storied history of outperformance and his clients trust him. I’ve raised considerable amounts of new money over the summer and have taken it upon myself to aggressively pursue the market with my own money.

I’ve thrown out my Keurig and now grind my own beans and use a French Press to serve myself coffee. I take it black (no homo) and generally despise sugar, unless of course it comes in the form of a cake–which I am  a sucker for, especially pie.

I’ve stopped watching movies, in exchange for teevee shows. Over the summer, I watched all of the Homeland, Suits, Hannibal, Ray Donavan, Masters of Sex and Fargo episodes and now find myself enjoying Hell on Wheels. I keep very late hours and sleep about 3-4 hours per night. Generally speaking, I crash on weekends, but have not done so in many weeks–thanks to a busy schedule.

I’m still reading a lot, with 5 books mid-way done at the side of my bed.  I’ve taken a particular interest in the olde Robber Barrons and have been reading about how the idiot Vanderbilts squandered a $300 billion (today’s money) fortune in just one generation.

As of this moment, I am growing a beard, going for the caveman look. Typically, I shave daily and dress very neatly, even when working from home. I find it to be distasteful to slog about the house dressed like an unemployed booze hound.

I bought myself a new tobacco pipe and have been smoking it once per week, maybe less. Wine consumption is at a minimum, as I value healthy living more than being a slob.

I’ve stopped listening to classical music, after two years of hard core fanaticism. In its place, I’ve delved into jazz, more Sinatra, and some foreign music that appeals to my inner anglo-saxon.

Lastly, I am working on five new projects, one with VINCENZO ILLUMINATI, creating the new PPT 5.0 (the previous 4 iterations have been withheld from the public), another with Howard Lindzon (it is amazing and will change the way you receive stock market news), another with Caine Thaler, another with an anonymous author of the heralded iBankCoin dictionary, and lastly The iBankCoin Investors Conference. I’ve secured two excellent speakers, aside from The Option Addict, and I know you will enjoy it.

NOTE: We’ve now made it possible to just purchase a VIP ticket. After considerable feedback, it seems many of you aren’t allowed to travel to Vegas alone (lolz) and require an extra ticket to VIP only so that your wives could monitor your movements–at all times.

Despite having lots of defensive positions, I still managed to make money today–led by gains in PANW, SLCA, AAPL, GILD and SGEN. My utilities didn’t hurt me, which further proves my point that being defensive in these names incurs low risk. Had the market tumbled, they’d be making me money right now. The only thing that I am missing out on is opportunity, which is fine–since the year is long and my brain is large.

I bought ARWR today because the good Dr is a fan. I passed along his French biotech play, GNFTF, in the low $40’s, only to see it skyrocket since then. He’s given me GILD from the $50’s, told me to short GALT from the high teens and absolutely despises EXAS. However, he feels confident that ARWR might have a cure for hep B. We shall see.

Everything is peachy. Nothing to worry about, except spiraling lower out of control commodity prices. See them. Go and learn about it.

All is well on Wall Street. Hence, all is well in the world.

I couldn’t help myself, man. I needed to take just one more hit. I swear, this time it’s for real. Just one more hit and then I’m gone.

I bought ARWR

What do make of it all? Oil is at 6 month lows, as well as the entire commodity space. Yields are now edging higher, based upon what exactly? Higher rates? Serious?

Let me tell you people something, this is crazyville and you’re all part of the lunatic fringe of people who run around with chinese lottery tickets in hand. I have two stocks up big today: SLCA and PANW. My utilities and TLT are lower. But the worst part is sitting here waiting for the world to end. I am not built to wait. I am a very impatient person and I am just learning about that right now.

VNET is getting smashed thanks to a Seeking Alpha hit piece and WBAI was targeted by Muddy Waters. At one point I was long both of those stocks. I sold VNET at $30. Do you see how stupid it is to hold these stocks long term?

There are very few things that I am confident in. One of them is US oil production. And to that end, I know that most exploration companies, like in the great gold rush, will fail. However, like in the gold rush, they need supplies to make their dreams a reality.

EMES, HCLP and SLCA are long term holds.

SLCA just upped guidance today, telling you that fracking sand demand is ‘off the chizain’ and how stupid everyone else is for not being them.

I once bought and sold SLCA for a quick trade. Then I bought it again, higher, saying to myself “don’t you dare sell it again, asshole.” Sometimes I have to speak to myself that way to get things done.

For those just tuning in, we are hosting our first annual investors conference in Vegas. Learn about the details here.

Ciao.

I am proud to announce we are hosting the first annual iBankCoin investors conference on November 8th, 2014, at the Encore Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada–to be hosted by The Option Addict, in addition to two special guest speakers, who will be revealed at a later date. The event will be Mc’d by Mr. Ragin Cajun and your truly will be in attendance, nothing but an innocent face in the crowd, plotting to kill those who oppose me.

If you’re interested in learning how to trade and how to leverage your accounts using options, truly, there is no better teacher than The Option Addict aka Jeff Kohler. For those who come to this site on a daily basis know of his leprechaun-like luck and SHOMP-like skills. It’s an honour for me to make this happen for him–because I know he’s looking forward to it.

There will be a VIP After Hours after-party, which comes at an additional expense. Believe you me, no corners will be cut and this will be an event to behold. This being the first annual event, I am sure many of you in this community look forward to meeting one another, perhaps kicking each other about the shins and face bones while properly inebriated.

Oh, the VIP event will be held at a suite in the MGM, to be catered and staffed, fully stocked with anything you lushes might feel like drinking.

NOTE: We have an early bird special going for $699/$1,699 (VIP), good for the first 50 sign ups. After that, prices go up.

Listen to me now you malefactors clad in cheap regalia.

The Fed is ending QE in October and the ‘real’ market is suggesting chicanery is at hand. I know some of you like to believe there is an imaginary inflation boogie monster out there, forcing the Fed to raise rates. This isn’t true.

Look at my Raw Commodity Index, ytd.

Now tell me, how do you explain that?

Apparently, all of the money is fleeing the real economy and flooding into chinese burrito stocks? Is that your game plan?

Fair enough. Deflation is part of every economic cycle and eventually these draw downs will benefit corporate balances sheets through input expenses. But it doesn’t happen by happenstance.

Deflation is bearish for stocks. The Fed isn’t acknowledging this and has decided to end QE, regardless. European and American government bond yields are at record lows. Why is that?

These are just a few questions you should ask yourselves before buying YY on margin.

This is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Throw away your stupid Patek and go wait on line, from now until January, 2015, to buy the new iWatch.

BEHOLD.

Everything you once new about time has changed. As you can see, Apple has made it distinctively clear that time, for lack of better words, is a flat circle (carcosa).

This piece of art will retail out to the consuming public for $349. With the revenues generated from the sale of the new smart watch, Apple intends to hoard it for a very rainy day, agitating hedge fund managers to no end.