HAR, HAR, HAR: TEN DORROR

TEDU snapping nuts off.

My sales from yesterday did not hurt me in the least. I speak to you today a victorious man, one who triumphs over the augured skulls of his enemies, as if they were the devil’s children themselves. I admit to harboring an unfiltered, unvarnished, hatred of sorts towards the people who’ve tried, repeatedly, to knock me down. My enemies have stormed the gates thousands of times and have always received the sharper end of my spear. In the end, everyone gets what they deserve.

On this glorious day of our lord, June the 6th, 2014, all of the bears, men of unreasonable countenance, are receiving “The Black Flag” of total annihilation.

This was supposed to be a milquetoast summer. However, it’s turning out to be a rather hot one, if I might be so bold, indeud.

I’d wish you good luck; but you wouldn’t know what to do with it anyway. The only course of action available to you now, oddly enough, is capitulation. The margin clerks are eyeballing your equity levels and notice that your positions are concentrated. Very soon, they will up your requirements, forcing you into liquidation or to ante up cash to fill the gaps–no different from idly tossing bags of money into flaming barrels of garbage.

As for me, a mere servant of the trends, a man with humble beginnings and a magnanimous ending (time machine), I’ve super-sized TEDU, started AEGR and another stock–soon to be announced here, on this very day.

Cash levels have been reduced to 15%. You bitches are gonna learn today.

Biotech stock down huge, but CEO is buying large blocks of stock–regularly.

I started a position in this today.

I super-sized my TEDU position.

Price target: $11

Today’s jobs numbers have taken the crescent away from his moon, the hammer from his sickle and his pipe from his nuts. In what appears to be a sick gag played upon the American bear, CNBC continues to trod a 1950’s styled Rickard Santelli to his death-march, in a very Groundhogs day manner. Each and every day Rickard goes on the television set and makes outrageous claims and predictions–all pointing to sharply lower stock prices. When stocks do go lower, if even for a single day, his spirits are elevated and he screams at anyone who gets in his way, sort of like a rabid pitted bull stoked on gunpowder.

Following this morning’s better-than-expected jobs report, Rickard told his co-host, Steve “the liar” Liesman to “go back to Russia where you belong”, a play on words no doubt, as Steve used to reside in the democratic state as something of a media titan.

S&P futures are higher.  The stock market looks to make fresh gains, all the while defecating onto the face of a certain Rickard Santelli.

I comb over a lot of market data on a daily basis. While you people bounce beer cans off each other’s heads, I am trying to position myself for the next trade. The fact that I work much harder than all of you laymen humbles me to the 33rd degree, especially since I sit here, idly, attempting to time a market top. I do not want to time market tops, nor do I really thing we are at one. There simple fact that many of my stocks didn’t work today caused me to immediately reassess my position and head to cash. The alternative would’ve been to ignore weakness in a robust tape and find myself without arms and legs, yet again, the very next day.

I tell you now: I shall never be without my arms and legs again.

An interesting side note, I finally ditched my Keurig device in favour of a traditional French Press. I find the French Press to make a superior cup of black coffee, bringing out the natural oils in the bean. This is interesting news for you because I hopped on the GMCR bandwagon before 95% of the world started to re-gift it to one another.

Back to my plan.

I loved JAZZ; but it was never going to give me XON-like returns. I did a study on the recent winners and found that 60% of stocks up 20% or more, over the past month, traded under $30. Over 90% of them trade below $50. Being down 26% at the halfway point of the year is an awfully large deficit to climb out from. Over the past month, I’ve been able to make back more than 10% and find myself in an unusually strong position, as clients are content with past performance, new money is coming in, and I feel like I have a handle on this market.

JAZZ was a GARP stock.

HBI was a conservative stock.

SLCA was a GARP stock.

And XON was a speculative stock.

However, both JAZZ and SLCA were super sized positions, twice as large as my other ones. I could either replace JAZZ and SLCA with 4 regular sized positions or two super-sized, bought over a number of trading sessions. The conservative stock will be easy to replace and XON is my play money.

Ideally, the market trades down a little and I get a chance to catch an inflection point, making 10% off the 50% cash, putting my YTD losses at around 21%–providing my current holdings trade flat.

I haven’t been in a hole like this for a long time and I am skeptical if I will be able to pull it off this year. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t try.

I once mentioned a guy I used to know who’d say “I am making lateral moves.” I thought it was one of the dumbest things a person could ever say, at the same time be hilarious. I’ve adopted this verbiage as my own and share it with you now.

This is going to come across as controversial. Then again, see if I care.

I sold out of XON, JAZZ, HBI and SLCA–my favorite positions, for 33%, 5%, 3% and 6% gains. I did this because the market isn’t buying them today, a day when 80% of stocks are higher. These are drastic moves, but it’s coming from a drastic man–so everything is ordinary, as a matter of fact.

Plainly, the market is buying trash today: FEYE, CRCM, SPLK–they’re all up. If we head into a rotation, out of good stocks back into garbagio, I’d rather not partake in it. I have a lot of ground to make up and feel by going to 50% cash on a day that feels like a blow off top, I am ahead of the curve.

Widely-followed hedge fund manager David Tepper told CNBC Thursday his chief market concerns have “alleviated.”

 

Last month, the founder of Appaloosa Management said at the SkyBridge Capital’s SALT conference said investors should approach the market with more caution, citing Europe rates, China and U.S. growth as concerns.

source: CNBC

Deep from the bowels of the Short Hills shopping mall, King Tepper speaks and the markets moveth.

As you were citizens.

If the bulls do not grab the initiative soon, we can possibly drop a quick 1% here, as the sell the news feeling controls market sentiment. If we do, I am not concerned in the least, as this is normal business during bull markets.

Two things I am watching:

SGEN– but I can’t buy it, according to my rules, unless I sell a speculative stock. I own three spec stocks: IFON, TEDU and XON, none of which I am willing to part with yet.

Also, Capesize rates are surging again, up 30% over the past month. I’d rather not give you picks; but you know I love me some BALT.

This is a very unenthusiastic tape. Pardon me as I take a nap.

Europe has officially lost its mind, ushering in an era of negative interest rates. ECB Chief, Mario Draghi, is now one upping the US Federal Reserve in central bank interventionism, all for the sake of equity price valuations. Surely, by now, they know that their actions do not result in jobs being created. This is specifically designed to withdraw money out from the investment accounts of the readers of Zerohedge, Peter Schiff and others in that genre, regular blue blazers–Original Don’s.

Now tell me again: why in the world are you bearish and when do you expect the central banks to “lose control”? You do realize you sound absolutely mad, right?

Futures are higher. All is well. Long live higher equity prices and the people who own them.