Here’s Why Deutsche Bank Like YELP

I read the report and couldn’t figure out what changed their minds. To me, being a cynic and all, the commissars over at DB either are in possession of insider information and YELP has violated REG-FD, somehow. Or, they’re simply guessing.

Here is the note summarized by Briefing.com

Deutsche Bank upgrades YELP to Buy from Hold and raises their tgt to $33 from $26, reflecting stabilized salesforce productivity, more confidence in management, and improvements in ad units and systems bolstering their longterm outlook. They increase 2016 estimates to the high end of the guide, and see further upside potential in their Bull case. Beyond 2016, challenges remain, but they prefer to be long the shares for upside this year and better long-term optionality given increased confidence that new financial leadership at Yelp can help drive product and monetization innovation in 2017 and beyond.

How are they able to quantify salesforce productivity without getting wind of it via the company? YELP is one of my GARP portfolio members, just 1 of 15 stocks that I manage inside Exodus. Therefore, I am pleased that it’s higher. I just can’t figure out the rationale for the sudden bullishness.

Shares of YELP are higher by 5.7% today.

Listen to me. All of you need to have your heads examined. Global markets surged today, off of bookmakers odds in London, suggestive that the UK would remain in the EU. What they don’t tell you is that the leading bookmaker, Ladbrokes, is giving BREXIT only a 25% chance of winning, the same odds they’re giving Donald Trump of winning the Presidency. You and I both know he has a much greater beating the Dr. Evil pants suit off Hillary than that. Moreover, the betting was tilted last night by a singular bet of 25,000 pounds.

Wow, that was easy.

So if you’re running a billion dollar fund and was long SPY contracts and wanted to make some quick coin, why wouldn’t you manipulate the bookmakers odds by throwing some money at BREMAIN?

Exactly.

People who gamble on events like this are degenerates of the first order. Gentlemen do not follow the path trailblazed by mountebank vagrants, the poor and the destitute drug addled, alcoholic gamblers. Here on Wall Street, there is honor amongst thieves and we prefer a rich man’s drug, over the heroin needles used in London.

Here is the bloke that stoked a multi-hundred billion dollar rally today, interviewed by a bloomberg fellow who speaks in the most incongruous and incorrigible tones.

You’re a bigger fool than I thought if you went long on this news.

Happy BREMAIN day. I see some of you on Twitter are using today’s fantastic rally day to mock the ark, siding with my enemies. Just know, when the tides rise and the fucking tornadoes are wreaking havoc, the giraffes on the ark will spit on you as you attempt to board.

The nerds over at NYU came up with a layman’s model to determine which banks will mushroom cloud over Wall Street, in the event of a pedestrian 40% drop in stocks. The results were nothing short of catastrophic.

As you can see, the banks will need $350 billion in bailouts from the American slave, err, tax payer. It appears the great southern scourge itself, Bank of America, leads the fray.

Now all we need is for the market to drop by 40%, in order to enjoy this ridiculousness.

Everyone having fun today? Not like I care, but what are you imps buying?

I must admit, that was an epic Game of Thrones last night, down to the last scene. I might sprinkle in a fuckload of spoilers today, so be prepared to be furious with me. When John Snow was getting trampled and was suffocating, I too felt short of air. Also, that Ramsay strategy was especially evil, essentially suffocating the Snow army to death, until…

Hey, markets are ripping higher because the bookmakers have Britain remaining in the wretched EU by like 0.5%. The bookmakers also have Hillary Clinton and Ted Cruz facing off for President of Mexico.

This whole rally, although predictable, reminds me when Bolton thought he had Snow pinched in that devilish phalanx trap, until the army of the Vail came and ran all those fuckers down like wooden soldiers.

Look, the open will be glorious. As a matter of fact, the entire day is likely to be great. But what if these cigar eating moron bookmakers change their minds tomorrow. Then what?

Then you get eaten to death like Ramsay Bolton by his hungry hounds, who haven’t been fed in 7 days.

Get your free trials for Exodus today. They’ll be ending soon, like the life expectancy of giants in the battle of Winterfell.

Wunderbar!

European banks are knifing higher by 9%. Dow futures are 200 to the good. Both the DAX and CAC are higher by 3.5% and motherfucking Greece is sodomizimg shorts, higher by 5.5%.

This is going to be the best rally of the year, based around the idea that Britain will remain in the horrible EU.

Get your cocaine straws ready, for we’re about to blow today.

The transaction for the Obama administration was an easy one. We couldn’t steal the Iran’s $100 billion or so, which was frozen since those devils have been trying to build nuclear bombs. But the economy has been waning and the Boeing-Airbus lobby was strong. They convinced our autocrats to release the funds, in order to receive $60 billion in new plane contracts.

A fucking win-win.

Iran has signed a historic agreement with Boeing Co. to purchase 100 jetliners, concluding several stages of negotiations, an Iranian newspaper reports.
The plane maker has applied for a license from the U.S. Treasury to permit the deal and the final details will be revealed once government approvals are obtained, Ali Abedzadeh, director of Iran’s Civil Aviation Organization, said in an interview with Iran newspaper.

The transaction would be the Chicago-based plane maker’s first in Iran since sanctions were lifted from the nation in January and follows a $27 billion agreement with Airbus Group SE for 118 planes, including the A380 and A350 models.

Granted, one of these planes might end up in one of our office buildings. Nevertheless, it was worth the risk.

In the event of a BREXIT, the world would blow up in a plume of black smoke. In that eventuality, all those not on the ark shall perish. The good folks over at Morgan are trying to do God’s work. You should let them.

“We suggest investors remain long duration across developed rate markets into the EU referendum,” Morgan Stanley analysts including Matthew Hornbach, the head of global interest-rate strategy in New York, wrote in a June 17 report. “Rates would fall much further on a vote to Leave than they would rise on a vote to Remain.”

This is the height of all stupidity. If there was a pecking order and the dumbest shit ever was at the top, this would be the crown jewel.

Japanese markets are higher by 2%. U.S. futures are higher by 150. Crude is higher by 1%. The British fucking pound is mauling the dollar, up 1.5%. The yen is lower and so are bonds and gold.

Why?

Because some guys in the UK, with smashed upped noses and cigars shoved in their mouths are betting the U.K. will not leave the EU.

Bookmakers’ odds of the U.K. voting on June 23 to exit the 28-nation bloc fell to about 32 percent Sunday, with the poll from Survation for the Mail on Sunday newspaper showing 45 percent of people backed the “Remain” camp, while 42 percent supported “Leave.” The opinion poll is the first since the killing of pro-Europe lawmaker Jo Cox last week.

I remember when the 2005 vintage came out and was praised as the best since 1982, possibly the best ever. Then the 2009-2010 vintages topped that and everyone thought Bordeaux wine, of the first growth category, would continue to surge forever, until it didn’t. The years after 2010 were ruinous for asshole wine brokers, people who buy and sell large quantities of wine futures and never take delivery of the damned thing.

But 2015 promises to, perhaps, match the glory days of 2005, 2009 and 2010, thanks to perfect weather, a very hot June and July followed by a rainy August.

Bordeaux first-growth wine estates on the left bank of the Gironde announced prices 60 percent higher this week for their critically acclaimed 2015 wines as the pace of increases accelerated across the region, according to Liv-ex data.

Chateau Margaux in the Margaux appellation and Chateau Mouton Rothschild in Pauillac both priced their 2015 wine at 384 euros ($433) a bottle, up 60 percent from the previous year, according to the London-based Liv-ex market. Chateau Haut Brion in Pessac Leognan, on the southern edge of the city, pushed its 2015 price up 60.4 percent to 385 euros, while Chateau La Mission Haut Brion, under the same ownership, more than doubled in price to 300 euros.

Gains in top-classed estates exceed those of more than 40 percent for many leading growers the previous week, advances of 32 percent in early June for other classed growths in the region and price boosts of 19 percent for those selling in late May. The release of the 2015 wines has drawn selective demand for the higher-rated estates from collectors while also sparking interest in cheaper, older vintages in the secondary market.

“It was an active week for Bordeaux, with the region’s market share by value rising above 85 percent for the first time since December,” Liv-ex said in its blog.

“Buyers seeking value away from the new vintage frequently opted for the 2012, which accounted for almost a third of all Bordeaux trade.”

If you’ve never had a Chateau Margaux, Latour (the Chinese are crazy for this shit) or Rothschild, you should do so at least once in your lifetime. There is a discernible difference in the quality of the utter shit you buy at Trader Joe’s and a first growth from the left bank.

I’ve got some very interesting things planned for Exodus. Before I announce it, I am opening the platform up to free trials, from now until Monday afternoon.

Enjoy.