iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,570 Blog Posts

MICROSOFT ACQUIRES TIK TOK IN SHOT GUN WEDDING; FUTURES FLAT

Well, Trump was going to ban Tik Tok, because of MUH security concerns — but now all of that gets shuffled to the side because of the very trustworthy Microsoft corporation. With this deal, TikTok can now tap into the rich universe of Microsoft LinkedInners and Xbox morons. Also, and this goes without saying, our precious data is indeliby SECURED from the evil pangs of the Chinese government.

Why just today, the Chinese arrested people and many of them went into jails.

Tik Tok really didn’t have a choice in the matter. It was either accept the Softy bid or be eliminated. Too bad for the Byte-tards who got fucked selling Vine to Twitter and then launched Byte. They suck once again.

Moving on, futures are flat. Gold is up. Cryptos are taking a breather. You need to REDUCE YOUR EXPECTATIONS with cryptos and simply look at them as a hedge against your dollars going into the shitter. It’s important for us to realize the world is barreling towards perdition and everything you hold sacred will soon be lost, amongst the rabble and broken rocks of 50 million unemployed Americans. The whirring speed of the economy collapse was so severe and so fast, markets went up. On a year to date basis, however, we’re still down 14% on all stocks and many economically sensitive industries are OFF by half.

By golly, should be crest again and spin out into fall, we can still bargain for a -30 to -50% cataclysmic decline.

TikTok was last valued at $50b. I’d be surprised if MSFT paid half that.

I have zero emotions on the matter. I feel absolutely nothing.

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9 comments

  1. acehood

    What % of your net worth are you aiming to make ETH?

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  2. tradercaddy

    “Chinese arrested people and many of them went into jails.”
    Not a problem according to the “woke” NBA.

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  3. purdy

    “Deaths from this virus are tragic. But this should not stop us from capitalizing on the hand that chance (ah hem) has dealt us. We must now determine that we will be the first to transform from a primarily commute-to-work economy to, wherever practical, a knowledge workforce which no longer needs to waste time travelling, polluting, crowding our highways, and paying for no-longer-needed work/office space.

    With this transformation we can drive costs down and arrive at a place that will have us dominating the the world economy while Nancy Pelosi caresses her kente cloth and cites Yale studies “proving” that people are not motivated to work for money.”

    Xi Jinpingish

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  4. richardweiner

    I seen Joe exotic crossbreeds lions and tigers to make ligers. Why not crossbreed wild niggers with Labrador retrievers to make them more docile and friendly. Crime problem solved. Who has ever seen a Labrador retriever loot and set stuff on fire?

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  5. bob smith

    “Also, and this goes without saying, our precious data is indeliby (sic) SECURED from the evil pangs of the Chinese government.”

    I’m less worried about the Chinese than the US Government. The dimwits who run security there are too busy spying on us to keep our data secure. I was contacted by Experian, Target, and the USG and told “our data has been breached and your information has been compromised, um sorry about that but don’t worry, we’re giving you Identify Theft Protection for 3 years.”

    The Chinese already have our data. They keep hacking into our government computers to get their stuff back that we stole from them.

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    • roguewave

      At least Experian contacted you to say they let your shit get stolen.

      In the last few years one of the other credit reporting agencies, Equihax – you know, the companies that don’t ask you to supply your data; they just take it.
      Took the data for all Americans and lost the data for 1/3 of the US population + other poor bastards – 143 million people!

      So did the hackers break in, smash and grab the data quickly? Noooooooo, the hackers took it over a period of months – mid-May thru July – 2 1/2 months.

      Quite the crack team of cyber security specialists working for Equihax!

      They took you data without asking; they lost your data with their ineptitude; then made a general announcement. If you want to find out if we lost your shit; you must contact us and if your shit was hacked; you get free ID Theft Protection.

      CEO Richard Smith said the incident was “disappointing”
      Poor Dick, oh the suffering he went through.

      Virtually no data is safe. State and business are working together to fleece you.
      They even invented a word to describe state & business working together: fascism
      https://www.bbc.com/news/business-41192163

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  6. rigged game

    30 million people jobless; the USA transportation industry in shambles,
    people losing their homes; farmers going belly-up, the virus taking one
    life every minute; schools not reopening, sports at the high school,
    college and professional level devastated, and CNBC blabbers about
    fuckin’ Tick-Tock and Microsoft? Get fuckin’ REAL, people!

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