iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,232 Blog Posts

Scientific Studies Prove: Fat Faced Alpha Males Are Shitty Traders

WTF sort of propaganda is this? Do you mean to tell me Carl ‘give me three seats on your board’ Icahn is a shitty investor? Or how about Dan Loeb?

Nerds did a study using over 3,000 test subjects, categorizing men by (get this) their ‘facial width-to-height ratio’ — and have concluded that, scientifically, they are inferior traders to betas.

While we’re on the topic of short-wide faces, there is data that backs up the theory that these men should be eliminated from society. In fact, en masse, they’re far more likely to be convicted and executed than men with longer faces.

In fact, the facial width to height ratio is an excellent predictor in all types of behavior, stemming from criminology to sex drive, even to success. While short fat faced men are more apt to be overly aggressive, claw-hammering-violent deviants — that same behavior tends to make them utterly useless traders.

After years of underperformance, researchers may have discovered what’s plaguing the hedge-fund industry: too much testosterone.

Hedge-fund managers with high testosterone underperform those with low testosterone by 5.8 percent each year, according to a study conducted by University of Central Florida and Singapore Management University.

The researchers used a software to measure the facial width-to-height ratio — proven to be a proxy for testosterone levels — of more than 3,000 hedge-fund managers. After controlling for variables such as risk and market environment, the researchers found that not only do higher-testosterone managers’ funds produce lower returns, but they also have a greater propensity to be terminated.

High testosterone managers “trade more frequently, have a stronger preference for lottery-like stocks and are more likely to succumb to the disposition effect,” the report said.

The researchers also found that hedge-fund investors — specifically, hedge fund-of-funds — select managers based on their own testosterone levels. In other words, higher testosterone fund-of-hedge funds are more likely to invest in higher testosterone managers, while the reverse is true for lower testosterone.

The results of the study may have implications for hedge-fund performance as well as hedge fund culture, which tends to prize aggression, competitiveness and drive.

If this study is true, perhaps the prevalence of alpha males is what’s eroding alpha.

Alphas are attracted to other alphas, who the get blown the fuck out by alpha like behavior in hedge funds that are treated like giant lottery pools. This is great news for those of you searching for investment advisors — just look at their fucking faces.

If they have faces like this — don’t invest.

Alpha-male, moron investor

If your manager is a flaccid soft spoken cuck and looks like this:


Cuckold, Legendary investor

He’s likely to make you a fortune.

Feel free to prove this theory wrong.

Pro-tip: you can’t.

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16 comments

  1. sarcrilege

    this is the height of divide and conquer strategy to distract the plebiscite from setting its eyes on the banksters’ plotting to demolish the financial system along with national economies and make them beg banksters for a totalitarian communist NWO. It’s not enough men fight w/ women, homos w/ heterosexuals, one religion with another, cultures w/ other cultures, east against west, nation against nations, now we get long faces fighting w/ meatheads.

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    • Dr. Fly

      Maybe you’ve been looking at the wrong villain all along. Maybe it wasn’t the jews, per se, but instead some really aggressive fat faced males who keep fucking things up?

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    • traderconfessions
      traderconfessions

      How ironic that while you surely are fat-faced,you are neither an alpha male nor a good trader. Must be that loser Aryan blood. But your tinyurl skills are first-rate.

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  2. Bullish

    Coming from a fine looking non fat faced gentleman who manages other people’s finances very successfully – I agree with this theory

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  3. natehois

    What if you have a long face but protruding ears? Would a horse be a great trader? Are we asking the right questions here? Can someone get American Pharaoh on the phone?

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  4. chiweez

    Dr. Fly…you’re fat-face is showing

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  5. TJWP

    Higher testosterone levels are linked to risk taking behavior.

    SOMEONE GET THESE FAGGOTS THE NOBEL PRIZE.

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    • numbersgame

      You must be a stereo-typoical (a)lpha male, because your stereo-typical shitty reading comprehension totally missed the point, even though Fly highlighted it for you.

      The fact that higher testosterone males take more risks is obvious, but this study found that they those risks outweighed their corresponding returns:
      “Hedge-fund managers with high testosterone underperform those with low testosterone by 5.8 percent each year.”

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      • sarcrilege

        by that logic queers, faggots, trannies and homosexuals would outperform everybody most of the time.

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        • numbersgame

          You forget one major low-testosterone group: ***women***.

          Also, this study only talk about hedge fund managers, not all jobs. For example, (a)lpha males seem to make great soldiers: typically stronger physically, and also perfectly willing to blindly and unquestingly follow the orders of a what they deem as a superior Alpha. You certainly don’t want soldiers who ask: “Wait, can you tell me again why Iraq/Afghanistan/Syria/North Korea/Iran is a threat to the USA?”

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        • numbersgame

          For better or for wrose, Chelsea Manning and Edward Snowden are examples of waht happens when you have peopel that question their orders in the military.

          On the record, I’m against shotgun-releases of classfied inforamtion. It’ one thing to release infomation in the public interest about wrongdoing/illegal acts, but another to just blindly relase documents without knowing their contents (Manning) or for persanol gain (Petraues)

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  6. ironbird

    It is all still fucking fake. Everything.

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  7. stockslueth

    “Are you saying something is wrong with my gear?”

    -Bad Santa

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  8. WrongView

    Includes you, I take it?

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  9. doc

    You cannot determine T levels based on fWHR. The studies they cite to justify using fWHR are junk science. Sample size less than 200 and they tested T levels with saliva which is unreliable. Even if you forgive all of that, the correlation is way too low to call it a “Strong Correlation”.

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