Happy Easter Bunnied Rabbit Day

I hope you’re all enjoying your day, dressed like literal fags — decked out in the bright pastel colors of Easter. Men, unironically, prancing about in pink blouses, yellow pants, blue shoes — because when they were young they used to color hard boiled eggs those fanciful colors.

Last night you made believe you were a gigantic rabbit, breaking into your own house, leaving poison inside a basket for your children to eat. Like idiots, your children took the bait this morning and gave themselves cavities, and quite possibly diabetes.

After that, you pranced on over to the local church to pretend to believe in Easter — a day when Zombie Jesus came back from the dead to exact harsh revenge on his enemies. Then you did some stupid shit, like eating lunch at some church diner — sipped on some coffee and ate some toast, listening to fellow church goers talk trash about thy neighbors.

As you read this, especially if you’re Italian, dinner is about to be served. Who eats dinner at 2pm you ponder? Fucking Italians on a Sunday, especially on Easter Sunday — a day made for manicotti, stuffed shells with extra gravy (morons), fucked up pastry with hard boiled eggs embedded in them, anti-pasta — because fuck carbs.

After supper, the lot of you will sit down to watch the tube, drinking spirits, enjoying the banter between indecorous family members. In my opinion, this would be a good time to discuss your religion of atheism, one that eschews traditional beliefs, such as flying Gods and Zombie Jesus.

At any rate, I don’t want to get too heatheness on this holy day, since you never know. One day I might have to pay for these sins and I’d rather hedge my bets here and wish you all a happy easter, even though you look like ridiculous pastel colored jackasses.

Enjoy some 6ix9ine. Be sure to play this video for grandma.