I saw the market unhinged today and this evening China is telling America to fuck off, not to mess with North Korea. But I have my own issues.
Here I find myself one gazillion miles from home, in a Chevy Chase family road trip with a busted car. In preparation for this long journey, up the cock of America, I made sure to change the tires, brake pads, and rotors — just to be safe. I had the fluids changed, filters — the whole 9 yards — because I’m a careful guy and like to make sure all precautions have been made.
Lo and behold, about 5 miles to my destination, I started to smell rubber. I recall commenting to my wife, ‘gee, I like the smell of rubber.’
Little did I know, I was enjoying the smell of my own demise.
Upon entering the gates of the hotel, the car started to act fucked up, like a god damned tire iron was stuck in the tire, trying to fuck up my vacation. I got under the car, not really giving a fuck about the grease and the disgusting floor, and bore witness to a disaster of the first magnitude. I don’t know a single thing about cars. As a matter of fact, I make sure to only drive new vehicles as to avoid the issue altogether. Lucky for me, my stepfather was with me and he said ‘you were a few minutes away from this tire blowing up and killing everyone.’
Perhaps that was hyperbole, a gloomy way to describe the dire plight I found myself in. Apparently, the ball joint got loose and started rubbing against the inner tire and the fucking rims. The subsequent result from all of this nonsense is a tire that looks cooked, in spite of it being brand new, and me having to monkey around with auto mechanics tomorrow, whilst trying to enjoy a family vacation.
Fortunate for me, the Benz dealership is nearby and I can have those fuckheads tow me there, or I can wing it and try to drive this piece of shit at 5mph to their place of ill repute. I brought two vehicles with me, so worst case scenario, I’ll ditch this lemon and have my attorneys sue them for whatever he thinks is appropriate.If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter