ASSANGE PROVES HE’S ALIVE, IN TIN POT S. AMERICAN PHONE CONFERENCE WITH UNIVERSITY OF BUENOS AIRES

The internet wants Julian Assange to be dead, in order to vilify ‘the establishment’ mercenaries and use Assange as a martyr to further their revolutions from the comforts of their centrally cooled living rooms. Unfortunately, Julian isn’t dead — only without internet access — living the life of an 1980’s recluse, jambox’d in the Ecuadorian embassy for the balance of his miserable life.

In what could only be described as the very worst press conference in the history of mankind, one that forced me to fast forward to somewhat interesting parts, Assange delivers in boring people to death to the point of delusion — causing conspiracy theories to run rampant about this being all a ruse and how no one person could, in fact, be this fucking boring and moribund and devoid of humor — without it being staged by government operatives from a black site.

This is Assange and he’s not dead… at least not yet.