The Important Matter of Stock Trading Robots

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So, for months, I’ve been seeing this “stock robot” trading machine ad, all over the net. From time to time, it would pop up on my blog too; so I bought one.

The “stock trading robot” was delivered in a metal box, about half the size of a coffin. I’m sure my neighbors thought “The Fly” was having dead monkey’s delivered to his house. Very nice.

Fuck them.

After the delivery men left, I opened the mini-coffin and turned the robot on—thinking this ugly fucker was my next meal ticket.

At first, he was just an ordinary robot, with stupid movements and “low-IQ-ish” behavior.

But, I noticed he was picking up on some of my mannerisms, such as asking for coffee, then pouring it into an idle Starbucks cup.

Crazy shit.

After getting familiar with this robot, I decided it was time to see what the fucker could do at the trading desk.

One day, me and this coffee pouring robot stepped into the office, much to everyone else’s chagrin. I introduced the “stock robot” to everyone, declaring: “take a good look at your future replacement.” I even programmed the robot to say cool things, like: “fuck you, you’re dead” and “your Mother is a goat milker.”

He would constantly say that shit. Good times.

So anyway, seeing the robot trade for about a week, I was somewhat unimpressed. I mean, all that fucker would do is buy MVIS, sell short CWTR, then automatically throw something at my trader/servant— every 47 1/2 minutes (I programmed him to do that).

With the amount of money I paid for this fucker, I thought he was going to make me billions. Instead, this shitcan ended up short circuiting himself, via pouring an entire pot of hot hot coffee over his dumb robot head.

A terrible way to die, indeed.

The moral of the story: “stock trading robots”are fucktards and they don’t work. Keep those fucking robots in the factories and out of the trading room.

Trust me.

52 Responses to The Important Matter of Stock Trading Robots

Juice says:
November 19, 2007 at 1:07 am

moral of story: hey, robots are only as good as the fucktards who program them

so don’t take it out on your robot, fuckface

‘cute’ story

the Fry wins again

in further deveropments; asian robots not coopelating,
yet

Reply
JJ2000426 says:
November 19, 2007 at 6:15 am

Cajun:

No, FSLR will be dead in a few months. How many people will be reading that SeekingAlpha article, and forward to friend? How many will decide it’s a good idea to hoard some tellurium? A decent individual investor can easily buy one ton. If there are just 10 or 20 in whe whole world deciding to buy tellurium, FSLR will be knocked out of profit margin, and be gone in a year or so.

Reply
Juice says:
November 19, 2007 at 7:16 am

JJ / Mark Anthony:

1st of all: were you the Mark Anthony that married Cleopatra in a past life & is it true that you proposed with the largest tellurium ring ever, in a (futile) attempt to corner the market & ensure a profitable future short position in FSLR?

2nd: You’re too smart for your own good. You have the brain virus, shortcircuitus which causes one to come up with worthless investment theories that sound airtight on paper and seem to ensure ones dream of 60-100 folds return on investment. Then this virus causes tunnel vision & forces all facts to conform to its theory and blinds one to the big picture.

In short: FSLR to 300, before 100. SWC to 5 before 13 & PAL to 2 before 8.

Suggestion: Get laid.

Reply
Dinosaur Trader says:
November 19, 2007 at 7:44 am

Wow, that’s some crazy shit, JJ. I woke up this morning and there were 5 messages on my “stock trading phone’s” answering machine, all of them somewhat breathless asking me if I had read the “important” article on Seeking Alpha about FSLR.

This may be the best idea ever, shorting the strongest stock in a weak market. You’re short from what, $120, $130?

Meanwhile, how’s that SWC working out?

In short JJ, you should learn how to swing a hammer or rake leaves, because if you follow through with your trading “ideas” you’ll be poor soon. However, I somehow think that it’s that type of suggestion that feeds your belief that you’re “the next Warren Buffett.” You probably call yourself a contrarian.

-DT

Reply
TraderCaddy says:
November 19, 2007 at 8:21 am

Orlando Magic wins again. I could care less about the NBA but its a free doughnut at Dunkin’ Donuts’ for every win. I am eating a chocolate glazed one now.

Reply
Juice says:
November 19, 2007 at 9:59 am

I’m still looking for a t-day rally … we’ll come off these lows & have a good close , imo

bear rally only … jack be nimble, jack be quick because jack is gonna get his balls lit come 2008

2008 spx target = 1150

Reply
BOOMER says:
November 19, 2007 at 10:00 am

So, light trading day and I’m thinking…should I book my BOOM profits, or hold for the “Red Suit Rally?”

I’m up about 180k from Oct 22nd. Do I push for more coin, or do I take the money and run?

Reply
Juice says:
November 19, 2007 at 10:12 am

i got one word for y’all : Word O’D-day

==========> TELLURIUM

how do you spell that JJ?

P A I N

thats right smartass … PAIN !

git used to it

Reply
Daniel says:
November 21, 2007 at 11:17 pm

I couldn’t understand some parts of this article The Important Matter of Stock Trading Robots, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.

Reply
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