The Greatest Depression Ever

Spain’s unemployment rate soared to a new record of 27.2% of the workforce in the first quarter of 2013, according to official figures.

The total number of unemployed people in Spain has now passed the six million figure, although the rate of the increase has slowed.

That’s right folks, the Spanish unemployment rate is now upwards of 27%. The delightful spaniards are elated by this “situation” they find themselves in, able to stay at home and raise the kids while the government pays for the expense. Surely under such duress, the government must not adhere to the recent trends of austerity.

Why, I believe they ought to spend more, borrow more, in order to “finance the future.”

Or, instead of investing into their economy, maybe they should manipulate their stock market higher, so that the very rich will get richer and will be able to “absorb” higher tax rates to pay for the good families at home watching the tube, playing dominoes, making sex to one another.

As you were sashaying in and out between losing positions, “The Fly” reigned supreme, magnanimous above his peers scolded and scalded them with hot wine and words that transfixed into scissors to cut off the lips of the uninvited.

The market punished many today, but not Senor Tropicana, who smartly sold all of his GTAT position in favour for RBCN. His “wallboardness” went bizarrely profitable and everything else placed exactly where he wanted them.

In a world of hucksters, transvestites and terrorists, “The Fly” remains a constant for honour and integrity, manning the Orbital Space Cannon (OSC) for offensive purposes, keeping others true to their word by the marrow inside of their broken bones.

I do not care how I got here, just to where I am going.

Many have attempted to be “The Fly” by copying his swagger. But none of you suckers understand what it’s like to know the future and keep it to yourselves. It’s a burden that I carry, for the sake of mankind, handicapping you wheeled chair investors by demonstrating periods of mediocrity.

THE ERA OF LE FLY IS UPON YOU. GET OUT OF THE WAY, FOR HE ‘IRON LOTUS‘ YOUR HEADS AND TOSS YOUR TORSOS INTO FLAMING BARRELS OF GARBAGE.

I added to my RBCN position.

I’m very bullish on the solar sector right now, following numbers out of VECO and FSLR. Based upon guidance, I feel FSLR trades up to $80. AIXG warned and the stock is barely down.

Look, had you gone long solar and short gold/coal/silver when Obama got reelected, you’d be a very rich man today.

Have a looksy.

Solar

Gold Miners

The republicans lost their power in November and now they’re losing all of their money. The tea party folks are up to their ears in physical gold/silver and other pro-inflation plays. CRUSHED!

A cynic would suggest this is being done purposely to weaken the donor base. I do believe in coincidences. However, I do not believe in them when it comes to the government.

At any rate, pro-liberal stocks continue to do well. Under a welfare state, free lunches and free solar panels are all the rage. Step up to get your tax credits and prepare to pay egregious sums of money in capital gains taxes off your solar investments wins.

Top solar picks: RBCN, GTAT, YGE, WFR, SPWR, FSLR, JASO

I started a position in RBCN.

USG reported abysmal earnings, missing on both top and bottom line–yet the stock is up. Why?

It’s up because you’re an idiot, that’s why. You cannot beat the wallboard; the wallboard beats you. All of the people out there buying puts ahead of the number, elated to see the company miss, are now swimming in a pit of tar.

Mind you, I’d prefer to see the stock +20% today–but the foundation has been laid, naked and bare.

USG is heading higher because housing is back. Have a look at MTH and LL, both handedly destroying Wall St estimates. It’s only a matter of time before the price increases in wallboard turn USG into a cash generating machine again.

Moving on, The Devil’s stock, CiMT, is powering forward. What can I say, he’s been on fire (pun intended).

His current recs are to be short VRTX, CPHD, long CiMT, CLiR and PAMT. He also likes UNXL, but doesn’t have a position at this time.

I’m pleased to see AAPL higher. But, to be honest, I’d prefer the stock to trade down, so that I can buy more.

Bottom line: I am 55-60% cash, eating yams, having a grande ol’ time.

Timothy Cook, Bozo in Chief, Apple

It was an impossible task, following in the footsteps of a modern day legend, the boss of all bosses: Steve Jobs. Since taking the helm, Timothy has done nothing but collect cash. Like an old man during the great depression, Timothy Cook has presided over the largest hoarding of cash the world has ever known. More so, he has refused to share the wealth with his indoctrinated, yet depressed, cabal of apple sycophants, in favor of sitting back and eating yams. You heard me: YAMS.

After the stock had shed more than $300 BILLION in market cap, Timothy Cook announced “big news” this evening. It wasn’t a flashy conference, where he’d unveil a new product, whether it be a teevee or a Dick Tracy styled watch–a bone of sorts to the hounds who follow Apple. Instead, he announced the company would buyback $50 billion worth of its shares, borrowing from the playbook of the incompetent idiots at HPQ. He also announced they’d increase the divvy on AAPL to 3%,  still 0.1% below the S&P 500 average–a great tragedy.

This man is an outsized idiot.

Initially, Wall Street cheered the news and popped champagne corks into the faces of those who bought puts–sending the stock up by 6%. However, the rally was quickly crushed, alongside the spirits of the indoctrinated, when Timothy announced Apple had nothing going on until the Fall of 2013–with regards to product development. Naturally this leaves the company exposed, gives license even, to Samsung and others to continue feasting off  of Apple’s fat belly.

There is no man who can equal the idiocy exhibited by this man.

All the market wants is a screen, mind you, that is 1-2 inches bigger. If Mr. Cook and his merry band of cash hoarders had caved into the whims of the world, the market cap might have increased by $75 billion this evening. Instead, the shares have done nothing, because Timothy Cook has done nothing.

The good folks over at iBankCoin call for the immediate resignation of a Mr. Timothy Cook. He may take his degenerate board of perverts with him and sail the seven seas until the salt dehydrates them into dust.

The next CEO will borrow $100 billion at absurd interest rates and give it back to the people, the indoctrinated, so that they might go out and spend said dollars on a new Apple teevee device, which will be smartly retailed at $3,500 per unit.

Until Timothy leaves the company, I’m afraid the shareholders of AAPL will be prisoner to his autocratic ways, subjected to harrowing indecencies and lack of proper corporate decorum/etiquette.

May his head hang in shame, as he sullies the good house of Jobs.

Thanks to GTAT spiking, I am up more than 1.5% for the day. Even though I like it, I had to sell half of the position–because I am winding down operations–preparing for the worst.

At same time, I averaged down in AAPL (original basis is $570) and bulked up on USG. I am prepared for both stocks to trade lower, post earnings. Naturally, I think they will trade up; but I am not in the names for today’s earnings announcements. Considering I sold USG close to $30, I am already $4.5 points ahead of the game.

I trimmed back on two old man stocks, KMB and CHD, as valuations reach absurd levels.

The inner gambler in me wants to buy MOAR, act reckless and drink 20 cans of red bull while throwing whole persons through thin sheets of wall board. Then I’d punch their faces in with clawhammers, whilst drinking more red bull from a chalice made from the bones of my enemies.

But I’m not going to do any of that. I’ve made a commitment to excellence and will practice the very discretion that I preach here until at least next week.

I bought AAPL and USG.

This is ridiculous. Some loser hacked the Associated Press’s twitter account and published a story that two bombs detonated at the white house, injuring Obama.

This is more reason to hate high frequency trading, where robots run amok based upon baseless faux news, which could be easily discarded by people with brains.

Now look at the drop in the SPY, following that fake news.

How many people just got stopped out of positions due to this?

I hope the testicle fondlers who did this get buried in a Federal prison.