This is the 7th Year Anniversary of the ‘Fellatio Bottom’

Back in the darkest days of 2008, iBankCoin was a destination for wizardry, dry good stuffs, survival gear, and end of days scenarios. In between all of that, I managed to crush the markets, both long and short, navigating it with the clarity of 10,000 Nostradamus’.

One of the more memorable days was when long term commenter, bear extraordinaire named CAP, threatened to seize upon his own penis and suck it, if the market reversed a most heinous downside action in less than 1 hour to go.
(read the comments section of that day, 10/23/08)

The odds were certainly in his favor. The market had been crushed to pieces; but we all sensed a shift coming, emanating from his very own comment.

By 3:33 pm, the locker room was filled with taunts, whipping CAP in the ass with wet towels.

By 3:40pm, the market was meandering, unsure as to which direction it wanted to take. CAP was, undoubtedly, perspirating and loathing the specter of having to commit auto-fellatio.

By 3:44pm, CAP, filled with regret, tried to  back peddle his way out of the bargain, casting aspersions on Henry Fool; but knowing full well, he was on deck to suck his own penis.

By 4:00pm, CAP’s fate was sealed. Truth be told, we never heard from him again. The great shame that befell his house that day must’ve forced him into a life of seclusion. Perhaps he went to find God in the mountainous regions of Nepal, become a monk, learn how to exhibit discipline when needed.

Wherever you are CAP, the good folks at iBankCoin wish you well. Thanks for the memories.

Fifty four percent breadth today, following yesterday’s 65% nonsense. So over the past two days, the NASDAQ has risen 180 points, the Dow +400, and only 60% of stocks went up? Talk about a narrow-minded rally.

This market is rewarding high free-cash flow, mega cap stocks, discarding everything else to the trash heap. It’s difficult for me to explain. But in layman’s terms, there is zero chance of this rally to continue for much longer. A house built upon sand is bound to collapse.

My top three positions are doing okay: BIDU, GILD and TWTR. I’d like to see my ancillary plays start to work too. When my smaller positions work out, it gives me room to stretch my legs and to explore the market, take on more risk. Right now I feel boxed in by the narrowness of the rally. Also, I feel like a fucking grand piano is about to fall on my head.

This is truly unbelievable. At a time when CEOs are renowned for being bloody thirsty, gluttonous, heathen, new Twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey, announced today that he is giving away $200 million in his Twitter stock to employees.

Twitter confirms specifics of CEO Jack Dorsey’s transfer of 1/3 of his holdings to an employee equity pool
On October 22, 2015, Twitter and the Jack Dorsey Revocable Trust, for which Jack Dorsey serves as trustee, entered into a Contribution Agreement. Pursuant to the Agreement, the Jack Dorsey Trust will give back and contribute to Twitter, without any cost or charge, an aggregate of 6,814,085 shares of Twitter’s common stock. Mr. Dorsey and Twitter have made the Share Contribution subject to, and effective as of the date of, Twitter’s stockholders approving an equity incentive plan that allows for a number of shares equal to the Share Contribution to be granted over time to Twitter’s employees and other service providers. In connection with the Share Contribution, the Board has approved Twitter’s 2016 Equity Incentive Plan to provide for the granting of stock options, restricted stock, restricted stock units and other equity awards to eligible employees, directors and consultants from time to time, and has approved an aggregate of 6,814,085 shares of Twitter’s common stock to be reserved for issuance under the 2016 Plan.

This is one of those moments when you know, as a shareholder, that the right guy is running your company. He doesn’t give a shit about the money. He is trying to motivate his team to excel, knowing that when he does, the gains on the remaining two thirds of the stock he still owns will be worth far more than the entire position is now.

I am proud to be long TWTR this morning and feel really good about its new CEO, much better than that other @dick who was running it before.

Higher

Smokin’ hot earnings: GIMO +14.7%, ATHN +10.9%, GOOG +10.8%, NTGR +10.7%, MSFT +10.4%, AMZN +9.6%, BJRI +9.5%, SPNC +9.1%, THC +8%, QSII +7.3%, INUV +6.6%, LOGM +4.7%, JNPR +4.7%, WHR +4.5%, COF +4%, RCL +4%, ALGN +3.8%, AAL +3.7%, BPOP +3.5%, ETFC +3.4%, TRN +3.3%, TEN +3.3%, BYD +3%, T +2.4%, SWN +2.2%, PG +2.2%, PG +2.2%, CFG +2%, DB +1.9%, PACB +1.7%, FET +1.5%, EGHT +0.9%, RMD +0.8%, SRCE +0.7%, DTE +0.7%, .

M&A news: BUD +2.3% (people are drunk), LXK +1.9% (following report that company might consider sale)

China is the truth: BABA +3.9%, BIDU +3.8%, JD +3.8%, SFUN +3.7%, JMEI +3.4%, BITI +3.4%, QIHU +3.3%, CTRP +2.9%, FXI +1.7%

Miners are the shit: AG +5.7%, TCK +4.2%, AUY +4.1%, BBL +3.9%, FCX +3.8%, AKS +3.8%, BHP +3.6%, RIO +3.6%, X +3.6%, SLW +3.5%, GDX +3.4%, VALE +3.4%, CLF +3.4%, ABX +3.2%, NEM +3.2%, GOLD +3.1%, AA +1.8%

Randomness: MACK +8.5% (confirms FDA likes their drugs), QSII +7.3% (company is selling division and earnings were good), VNCE +6.5% (new CEO), HZNP +5.9% (reaffirmed the fact they haven’t hiked prices on drugs lately), TEX +4.1% (bounce), GPRO +4.1% (even shit floats), ALGN +3.8% (lawsuit nonsense), CYH +2.4% (bounce off floor), SUPN +2.3% (FDA HORSESHIT), ARMH +2.3% (semis), SNY +2.3% (trading higher with rest of bio/pharma names today)

Mostly everything is up pre-market

Analyst comments: ALK +2% (upgraded to Crack pipe good at Evercore ISI), ZSPH +2% (upgraded to Magical from Equal-Weight at Morgan Stanley), RXDX +1.8% (initiated with a Gangster at Jefferies; tgt $18)

Analysts are going crazy with upgrades this morning. Dumb mother llamas.

Lower

SHAMEFUL EARNINGS: P -31.3% (no one pays for their shit), SKX -27.4% (dumb ass kicks), SSYS -18.2%, FTNT -14.1%, SRCL -13.4%, ACTG -10.7%, UCTT -10.4%, ADUS -8.3%, SMSI -7.8%, QLIK -7.7%, ERIC -6.8%, BAS -6.7%, MKTO -6.6%, LHO -6.5%, HURN -5.7%, N -5.1%, VFC -4.4%, MXIM -2.9%, SYNA -1.6%, SPSC -1.4%

Randomness: SPPI -32.1% (FDA shit on them), MCEP -24.4% (oil sucks ), EMES -23.8% (forgoes Q3 distribution), NBY -21.9% (dilutive offering ), CVM -9.3% (DILUTION), VTL -4.7% ( MOAR DILUTION), SLCA -4.1% (following EMES down the toilet bowl), DDD -3.8% (SSYS gave them aids), MASI -3.5% (who cares, right?)

Analyst HORSESHIT: ENTA -4.1% (downgraded to GARBAGE from Equal Weight at Barclays), FEYE -2.6% (downgraded to Boring from Outperform at Wedbush), VSH -1.8% (downgraded to Jerks from Neutral at Citigroup)

In a very surprise move, the Chinese central bank cut interest rates by 25 bps. The result: European markets have increased their gains, with the DAX up more than 3%.

Our NASDAQ futs are up more than 120.

Happy Friday. Be easy.

I think we have two spots left. If you’re sitting on the fence, pondering about beholding greatness in person, you best act now else you’ll lose the opportunity.

We do, however, have capacity in the after hours cocktail reception, to be held in Yale Club’s library room, from 7-10pm. This will, most likely, be the last chance to network with the good folks from iBankCoin. Although the past two conference have been a success, I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you they are a headache to organize.

If conferences aren’t your thing and you’re more interested in networking and meeting the evil people from the comments section, alongside the iBankCoin team, sans The Fly (he will be hidden in plain site), buy a VIP ticket and wear your best top hat.

It’s been a tough slog; but the NASDAQ overlords have assured us of splendor tomorrow. MSFT, GOOGL, AMZN and some little piece of shit networker named JNPR are all higher in after hours trade. This great feat of success is not without sacrifice. Low end rubber sneaker make, SKX, lost its penis in after hours trade–following what could only be described as “the single worst quarter in hipster sneaker history”, sending the shares down 30%. Shareholders are completely fucked.

There was also a tragic event in the shares of P, down 20%. Apple told you it would eat your lunch. You should have minded the store better.

And, finally, 3-D machine play SSYS went lower by 19%, which is par for the course for that lame as fuck tech stock.

There are other double digit movers of note, career makers and breakers alike, but not worth of this blog.

Just know the type of market you are in, one that practices the IRON LOTUS on a daily basis, testing the mettle of all market participants. Only the bravest and the best will escape this market without mortal wounds.

I anticipate EXTREME fuckery to take place tomorrow. We are anticipating a sharp rally of 60 NASDAQS tomorrow morning, at which time short sellers will be provided with a choice. That choice is to cover shorts and capitulate or double down and wait for the market to exhaust itself. My hunch tells me the market has exactly 170 NASDAQS of upside left, upside that was  hitherto denied to the fine gents who roam these halls.

I’d consider tomorrow’s rally to be a good omen ahead of the iBankCoin Investors Conference. In order to assure profit, I’ve taken up the task of sacrifice this evening, making sure to commit my blood ritual under the cascading light of this evening’s ghoulish moon.

There are approximately 170 NASDAQS left in this rally. If you recall, I alluded to this rally over and over again, in the beginning of October. When all of the nuclear dust has settled, the NASDAQARY would have risen by exactly 10% for the month. I cannot vouch for the months of November and December, however.

Even though we’ve rallied, it has a distinct feeling of doom to it. Bears are firmly in control of the tape, pushing stocks lower with their opinions. That’s the nature of speculation. Right now the bulls are weak and their stocks are subject to bullying.

As for me, I managed through today, being long both HCA and LPNT. The only silver lining to my hospital exposure is the size of the positions: pretty darn small.

On the other side of the ledger, I caught a break via someone else’s misery, when late in the day the rascals at the FDA threw shade upon ABBV’s HCV drug. This is an interesting development, which places egg all over the faces of ESRX, who opted for that drug, as opposed to GILD’s.

My sole source in biotech, the Good Dr., loves GILD.

Being my second largest position, GILD saved my day with its 5.5% surge higher.

My top position is a Chinese one: BIDU. It moved with the market. Some of my other top positions that lagged included TWTR and SHAK. Also, I had a few other trading positions sink on me, both NK and XON suck dick.

In no way did this feel like a +300 day. Nevertheless, I’ll take these small gains of 0.9% and hope for better tomorrow.

NOTE: LAST CHANCE TO JOIN THE IBC TEAM AT THIS WEEKEND’S INVESTOR CONFERENCE.

Breadth stands at just 65%, with the Dow up 309.

Get the fuck out of here.

I’ve seen many rallies in my time in Wall Street. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a rally like this one, so strong on the exterior, but weak underneath the surface.

It’s as if today’s rally was merely a facade, a rouse in order to permit sellers to exit while the chumps stay chomping away at the bit.

I hope I’m wrong about my suspicions and the weakness is just a few bear market remnants working out the kinks. But if I were you, I’d be especially careful about adding to long positions here.

Downside hedges might work best in a structure built upon sand.

Apparently, Obamacare isn’t really working out for hospitals, as hordes of uninsured eat away at quarterly profits.

The sector is down an amazing 10% today, led by an astounding decline of more than 30% in CYH.

Obviously there’s an issue here, a very sensitive one. This isn’t S Africa, filled with savages who toss uninsured patients out of hospitals, no matter how sick they are. I believe it’s the duty of government to ensure its citizens are taken care of in this regard. Build all the fucking tunnels and bridges in the world; but none of it means anything if you’re not feeling good.

The current system is unsustainable. A person like me pays upwards of $1,500 per month for a family plan, more than $18k per annum. Who the fuck can pay that sort of money, other than people making a shitload of coin?

Maybe fuckers like VRX need to be regulated. Or, maybe there needs to be a real national plan, sans all of the Obamacare crap. One thing is for certain, this shit here cannot last.

HCA said last week that its quarterly earnings would be hurt by an increase in labor costs and uninsured patients. The sustained poor results from hospitals suggest that the benefits of health reform in the U.S. have run out, said Sheryl Skolnick, an analyst with Mizuho Securities USA.

“The nightmare of health care continues and we’re now convinced it is time to get out of the way,” she said in a note to clients, cutting her rating to neutral from buy.