DIE, MARKET, DIE!!!

I’ve been scowling at the market all morning and I even refused to blog, purely out of protest for my misfitted positioning. Even though VXX has rebounded today and even though the market appears to be on the verge of receiving ample amounts of “earth and water,” I am disgusted by my inaction.

Naturally AAPL is up another $13, based upon the “when the founder and CEO of the company dies the stock must double in price” laws. Steve Jobs is going to send lightning bolts filled with dicks down at the head of Tim Cook.

If you haven’t noticed by now, yes, I am entirely unstable and share the same proclivities as the men you see on teevee, bouncing around in sleeveless dinner jackets, inside rubber rooms. I do want the market to fall and do so with extra flare and tenacity. I no longer desire to purchase your margin calls or buy dips for the explicit purposes of profiting.

No, things have turned for the worse my friend and I desire things far more insidious, such as black streets strewn with garbage, metal debris drifting in the sky, choking those who inhale it. I’d like to see President Santorum declare the stock market to be blasphemous, against “family values”, rendering it illegal. At that point, “The Fly” will sell stocks and bonds in the underground world, doing business with alcoholics and grifters, exchanging shares of CAT for 30 cents and PCLN for .002.

Aside from that, I am peachy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou-y56B1bxQ&feature=related

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dlc9pPeS2Q0 603 500]

I call this one “The Kansas City Shuffle.”

It’s official, I’ve befittingly become everything I loathe about life, a regular old fucker in a rocking chair, spitting at the kids playing on my yard. Not too long ago, I’d act on my convictions and accept the risk of being invested, for good or for worse. But, I’m such a fucking pussy now that all I do is build watchlists and point to stocks that should trade up, like BID, TIF, MAS, JWN, YELP, MTW, TRIP etc, yet do nothing about it.

Instead of worrying about why the market is going up, I should be doing lines of cocaine off the dead faces of bears. This is fucking ridiculous already and I’m really starting to get violent over this shit. Next thing you know, I will post some HORSESHIT about how “incredibly homosexual” this market is for going up, describing– with animalistic fervor– my love for earl gray tea. Get a fucking grip on reality son; no one gives a shit about your beverages! Grab a cup of black coffee and fondle your nutsack Fly.

My performance has been nothing less than purblind over the past month. This is classic “afraid of success 101”, where I was unable to accept a windfall and run with the market, to take more. Instead, I nearly fucked myself into a VXX bind, luckily hedged by an enormously stupid 60% cash position.

As I slumbered in the tall grass, a fucking lawnmower chopped me into little pieces.

I sincerely don’t know what else to say other than “I am a fucking ham and egger.” It’s official, so feel free to spread the word. “Le Fly” is a fucking ham and egger, pussy of mountainous magnitudes. I will be drinking excessively this weekend to drown away the pain I feel right now, the stinging in the middle of my chest, reminding me how I missed out on a golden opportunity.

I can certainly sit here and pretend this shit doesn’t bother me. After all, I haven’t clown raped myself too bad, with 60% cash; that’s pretty hard to do. For that, I give myself a fucking sarcastic golf clap. But, the truth of the matter is, I feel like committing arson on a grand scale. Fucking 5 alarm fires with nuclear detonations inside densely populated areas–releasing my anguish upon innocent homeless individuals who happen to be in wheeled chairs!

I WAS DOWN 0.12% TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sold out of this piece of fucking shit.

I’m thinking about expanding iBC’s news section to include unique content, which would entail hiring someone to do investigative journalism. Before I pursue the placement of this position in the real world, I bring you this opportunity to make a fucking name for yourselves. If you have a background in finance and english or possess the ability to write on a college level, feel free to email me credentials: flybroker at gmail.com

A big mover this morning is WOLF. That place is a fucking shit heap. I’d never consider brining my kids to that bedbug infested hovel. Oddly enough, earnings were fantastic, which further supports my thesis that the lot of you are arcane beings, singular men and women who relish depravity with animal satisfaction.

Precious metals are weak today and volatility has collapsed. There is a real sense of complacency in the market, as investors feel nothing can go wrong.  Apple is likely to release a teevee in the fourth quarter, which should sink shares of LOGI for good. After all, once Apple takes over the teevee and remote market, who will buy LOGI’s stupid remotes? As for the glass, I have to believe an Apple juggernaut will bode extremely well for GLW, provider of glass substrates.

If the market is going to continue trading higher, I see no reason to try to outthink the market through buying out of favor stocks and sectors, hoping someone will notice how awesome they are. During crazed banana runs, trending industries continue to trend; things in motion tend to stay in motion.

For now, retail or anything consumer sensitive is the sweet spot.

A true bull market is being able to invest in the shittiest stock and bank coin because a high tide lifts all boats. In many regards, I find myself, foolishly, scouring the old worn out sectors, like coal, gold and oil, for winners. In reality, there is a feverish bull market in select sectors, all revolving around a certain theme.

That theme is consumer spending. Whether it be through consumption of new homes or at bullshit fat cholesterol dens of hell eateries, people are spending again and the stock prices are reflecting that.

I do not speak upon such subjects without the support of mathematical precision. As a matter of fact, using our new correlation tool inside of The PPT (that’s an auto-link, not something I bothered to do on my own), I’ve managed to mine out the best performing sectors, in comparison to the S&P 500, over a numbers of time frames.

These were the winners (note: NONE of them were accidental health and insurance. Whoever utters those words will receive an instant-banning from these halls)

So what’s so special about the above industries? Unlike the bullshit that is found in basic materials and tech, the gains in the above industries are persistent and continuous–over numerous time frames–up until the past 12 months. The easiest way to underperform a roaring market is to allocate capital into the wrong industries, then bitch and moan about it later. Believe me, I am speaking to myself as much as you.

The next step will be to narrow down my search to my favorite stocks, within these sectors, and buy them.

Imagine you had a printing press in your basement. Now imagine that you printed out $1 million in brand new, crisp, $100 bills.

You head out to the grocery store for some milk and “The Fly” is behind the counter manning the register.

You put the milk on the counter and ask “how much, fine Sir?”

“The Fly” responds in a cryptic tone, “for you, $2,000.”

Confused by such an egregious price for a simple gallon of milk, you quiz the man behind the register, asking “why so much, for just simple gallon of cow piss?”

“The Fly” quickly responds “that’s the price, asshole. Take it or leave it.”

Knowing that you have the ability to make more money in your basement, you buy the milk and never think twice about it again. With your money, “The Fly” finishes building his space orbital cannon (SOC) and destroys 2/3rd’s of the western hemisphere with it.

Moral hazard.

“I am going to tell you all you need to know for the rest of your lives.”

Nothing matters. Whether we are discussing Italian debt or Greek insolvency, the fix is in. The ECB is forcing banks to buy sovereign debt again in order to give the impression that the crisis is over. I surmise, they can do this forever, without ever having to deal with onerous consequences. In the meantime, stocks are trading the fuck higher because there is no fear, whatsoever.

Did your company report earnings and see its stock trade lower?

No fucking problemo, hombre. Buy the dip and get your share of the billions being made in the market. Eventually, everything will trade up. Look at shares of JVA today, totally devoid of rationality. But who gives a fuck? There is a gazillion dollars in counterfeit money without a home. Those dollars need to go somewhere, why not stocks?

Okay, I know this missive is confusing many of you because you’re not a cynic like me, so let me be clear.

I am mocking the market. I believe stocks are in a bubble, but can continue to inflate because there are no boundaries to the level of risk that people are willing to take. We’ve learned nothing from the collapse of 2008. As a matter of fact, things are exponentially worse today than the mere housing debacle that we experienced then. Today’s bubble is on a global scale, stemming from governments with insatiable appetites for spending without a worry in the world.

Our pension funds are heavily exposed to the market. A friend of mine runs a very large pension fund and has 95% exposure to equities. He is not allocated in bonds or precious metals, just stocks. When the market collapsed in 2008, he was down almost 60% on the pension. Like many others, he desperately needed the stock market to rise and rise quickly, in order to remain solvent.

Now you know why the market is rising and how the odds are stacked in favor of the bulls. I do not suggest shorting stocks; it’s too hard. As a matter of fact, I too want to bathe in the splendour that is the stock market bubble. However, I want to do so on my terms.

Unfortunately, it appears I may have to wait a long, long time.

It’s official, ladies and cement heads (CH): the bull market in precious metals is over. As a matter of fact, the bull market in the miners has been over for many months, unbeknownst to the evil dictators at CNBC.

As you sashay in and out of gold stocks, the general market is shitting on them. Would you like evidence or proof of my outrageous claims?

BASED UPON THE IRREFUTABLE LAWS OF SUPREME MATHEMATICS, IN ALL OF ITS WISDOMDRY, I GIVE YOU ACCESS TO A MERE LOOK INTO A NEW TOOL (no sykes) DEVELOPED BY THE GODLY FOLKS OVER AT iBANKCOIN.

BEHOLD:

Just so you know, that is our new correlation tool, IN BETA (fuckface), built to track all stocks and all sectors, allowing our members to know where the money is flowing. In this case, as evidenced by the ratios provided above, gold miners have vastly underperformed the SPY.

We’ll be releasing all of this shit, AND MORE, upon the rebirth and launch of The PPT 2.0.

How do you value everyone?

If I died today, ChessnWine, Ragin Cajun, Woodshedder and the gang would have to carry on my legacy of slapping homeless men in the face with hot slices of pizza on my birthday. iBankCoin has a blogger network where you, the idiot reader, can join and speak your mind.

As a first tier blogger, someone of importance in the virtual world and real, I’ve always monitored the ongoings of the financial blogosphere. My buddy Ritholtz is one of the pioneers in the financial blogging world; and even though he’s never fucking linked to iBankCoin in all of our years in existence, I still love him because of sentiment and the work he puts into his writing on a daily basis.

By the way, Barry nailed MUSE many years ago at about $1, as well as the market bottom in 2003, with space alien magician precision.

Throughout the years, I’ve watched Reformed Broker flourish from a “linkfest” type of guy into the first tier blogger club. I look forward to meeting him one day, and out drinking him over rocks with some Scotch splashed onto them.

Many years ago, when he was first starting out, I tried to convince Tyler from Zerohedge to leave his new blog to write for me. Lucky for him, he decided to go it alone and become one of the most visited sites on the fucking internets. A lot of people love to hate on Tyler, specifically because he is bearish as fuck and popular as hell. Fucking Rush Limbaugh plugs his site for free on his show. The way I see it, Tyler is a consummate professional, provider of news and information on a scale never seen before on the financial blogoshere. It’s easy to hate on ZH when your dick is small. Man the fuck up and give that lunatic his fucking due.

The Yahoo message boards used to be a place where people went to get information about their stocks. However, due to spam and retardation, it was rendered useless. StockTwits has replaced Yahoo’s retarded message boards with something much better: a curated and efficient stream of real time information for the masses. When on the road, I check my StockTwits iPhone app all the time, for grave news and information, on the stocks that I own “being had” by meat cleavers and other sharp kitchen utensils.

What’s the point here?

Well, aside from the sacred halls of iBankCoin, I read 4 fucking sites; and I just wanted to let you know that all of the others are run by vagrant dicksuckers. AVOID them at all costs.