Today’s market is all about fucking with your small brains.
“Oooh look at $GME KILL THE SUITS!”
“And now look at it COLLAPSE after you bought in.”
As such, the entire NASDAQ is up in a cinder — momo stocks tossed like moths into flames — people yelling fire in the street with blood streaming out from their ears and eyes. I have taken this opportune to direct my monies towards safe haven, also known as SHIT OIL STOCKS — because nothing says “I love America” more than rooting for gas to hit $5 at the pump this summer.
I realize you’re struggling and your eatery is closed. But I don’t give a shit. I have all but purchased all of the SHIT OIL stocks a man can buy. I am also long a company that builds stuffed animal bears — because they’re all gone and we need more.
I am not giving you the tickers because you, frankly, do not deserve them. They’re for closers only.
Into le bell, I am endlessly bullish, all the while I rummage throughout my personal library of words to scare monger people out from stocks — because they’re mine and I don’t want to see you having any fun.
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