iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,334 Blog Posts

Iran Pulls Off Limp Dicked Attack on US Bases in Iraq; Futures Edge Lower

All is well gents.

I was at dinner when it all unfolded. I was following this ABSOLUTE FAGGOT on Twitter, retweeting his stuff for fun, going with the in the moment flow — being reported directly from Iranian state teevee.

Truth is, the attacks were limp dicked and flaccid. All is well lads.

Futures were down over 450. Nasdaq futures nearly 190. Now it’s all a dream, barely down 90 on the Dow. By tomorrow afternoon, short sellers are going to be eating pavement.

I read all sort of shit tonight, such as IRAQ, not Iran, starting a ground offensive against America. Iran downing a US plane. Threats against Dubai. Missiles obliterating US bases with 30 dead. All lies and fictions woven by men with IQs less than 85.

What will Trump do tomorrow? He should do nothing — but he cannot do that since he threatened to blow up Iranian art museums if they retaliated. No, now Trump is going to roast their stomachs to hell — bomb out communications and get rid of their silly little Navy that is always dicking around taking hostages. Let it be clear, Le Fly is a man of peace and does not want any of it. But these things will happen. Mark my words. American hellfire will come in short order.

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15 comments

  1. ericbakerbruce

    Pfff, a few pedophiles in jammies and sandals lobbed a few bottle rockets our way. Say goodbye to the Iranian navy —

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  2. totoro

    If no Americans killed, he shouldn’t do anything. We have to accept that Iran needs to make some response to Soleimani being killed. But at this point it is looking like Trump successfully taught Khamanei that the US can do anything it wants but it has the choice. I expect Iran deliberately didn’t try hard to kill any Americans in this response.

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    • ericbakerbruce

      We should take out 26 of the 52 targets. We should respond to every attack with overwhelming firepower until these clowns realize the new sheriff is not to be trifled with.

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      • wolfdaddy

        We killed salami and apparently like 50 camel
        Jockeys got trampled at the funeral, so we are right around trumps number!

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  3. MSGT HARTMAN

    Iran has been lobbing rockets for.40 years with no effect. Obviously the Russians aren’t giving them the good stuff.

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  4. johnsmithkw

    America is the root of all terror. America has invaded sixty countries since world war 2.
    In 1953 America overthrow Iran’s democratic government Mohammad Mosaddegh and installed a brutal dictator Shah. America helped Shah of Iran to establish secret police and killed thousands of Iranian people.

    When in America black people were not allowed to vote and white ku klux klan used to lynching black people all the time. Black people are still treated worse than pigs here.

    During Iran-Iraq war evil America supported Suddam Hossain and killed millions of Iranian people. In 1989, America, is the only country ever, shot down Iran’s civilian air plane, killing 290 people.

    In 2003,America invaded Iraq and killed 1,000,000+ innocent Iraqi people and 4,000,000+ Iraqi people were displaced.

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  5. metalleg

    There’s going to be more because Israel needs to take out Iran’s ability to build nukes and their only chance is with Trump in office. They can’t take any chances of Trump not winning again in November and the window closing.

    Recall about 10 years ago, maybe more, when Kissinger said Israel won’t exist in 10 years.

    Why would he have said that? If there was some plan, maybe Israel has other plans.

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  6. wolfdaddy

    Two earthquakes and a plane crash. Trump isn’t fucking around tonight!

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  7. wolfdaddy

    https://mobile.twitter.com/Imamofpeace/status/1214726114385334272

    Buy the dip. Unfortunately those morons seem to have hit a plane with their missiles.

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  8. awanka

    This warpig will be buying any dip with both hands. Iran doesn’t have the backing to cause ww3(lol). I suspect they’re not quite as suicidal as everyone seems to think either.

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  9. numbersgame

    While the missile attack has done relatively little damage, let me point out something to the idiots out there: when was the last time that Iran admitted *publicly* to attacking a US facility?

    “All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when we are able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must appear inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.”
    – Sun Tzu, The Art of War

    Trumptards: here is what that quote actually means:

    Iran says, “we’re done” and the Trumptards are totally buying it. Trumptards think, “That’s it? That missile attack was lame. U! S! A! U! S! A!”

    Meanwhile, Iran is planning their real response, probably timed to hit in a couple months, with plausible deniablity and maximum effect on Trump’s re-election campaign. Remember Carter and the Iran hostage Crisis? This guy does: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Khamenei

    https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/almost-inconceivable-attacks-iraq-will-mark-end-iranian-retaliation-experts-say

    It has also been noted that a US base has been directly attacked by a forign *country*, not a non-state actor, and the US President says “That’s ok!” because he sees the stock market reaction and deons’t want to caue more market turmoil.

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    • numbersgame

      Does this mean I think you should short stocks now? Nope, markets seem to think Iran/US is done as well, especially since Trump’s tweet indicates that he will let the US base attack go unpunished.

      You won’t see the crash coming.

      Of course, it is *possible* that Trump is actually planning another military response and is tryign to hide it, but this is unlikely given that he cares more about his wealth (ie, stock market + relelection) than anything else. If his base seems unhappy (ie, if the Fox Morning show compalins about the missile attack) or Laura Ingraham calls him weak, then that changes things..
      2) posnettack

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    • numbersgame

      Also, I do not *admire* Khamenei, but I do respect him and Iran, as do US generals. There’s a reason we won WW II in less than 4 years while Iraq, Afghanistan, and Syria have been an almost 20 year quagmire.

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