The New FAGbox is the Same as the Old FAGbox

No offense to gentlemen gay guys of course. You’re just as depraved and obtuse as the average straight guy, sloppily sashaying throughout life with nothing more than cock and balls on his mind.

I’m not trading today — because it is Fed day and I am very afraid of buying into intra-day rallies that can swiftly reverse lower on news that the dot plot is, once again, a go.

Bear witness to the present trading range and know that it is typical and almost a mirror image of what occurred several months ago. Only this time, we threaten, menace even, to break higher — supported by crude.

FAGbox

This area of chop is where most people get mangled and killed. It’s never pleasant, nor easy, to trade inside of it. If you’re a PM, this is a wonderful time to build positions and accumulate shares, with an upside bias. Naturally this could all turn to shit and we can be having a totally different discussion if Powell ruins this soiree. My natural bias is to be skeptical of buying in after a 10% lift. I do believe we’re due for a correction. But I’m open to anything and have no issues being 100% bullish, providing prices continue higher.

Listen to me you fucking imbeciles. If the prices are going higher, you should be long.

Humans cannot survive in -50 weather. Agreed? You can’t plant crops, run outside with your dick out procreating — can’t do shit. Agreed? With that logic, assuming there is some mythical being “in the sky” who somehow created the fucking universe, one must deduce that if he is bombing you with frozen thermostats now — he hates you.

Plain and simple.

Look at the places God is punishing today.

All of those places are shitty areas in the country to live, let alone attempt to raise a family. If, by chance, you live in Chicago — not only do you have to deal with thugs mugging you for your Canada Goose jackets now and a murder rate that would make the devil proud — but now you have inclement weather that belongs in the fucking North Pole for the penguins.

Simply put, the midwest isn’t a very strategic or important area of the country. It is filled with mountebanks — men and women who escaped the east coast because they were poor, on the run from the law, or too dumb or lazy to make it all the way to California.

So we’ve been coddled inside this FAGbox for the better part of the past two weeks. In what can only be described as an incredible reversal of fortune, bulls stand to, yet again, enjoy yet another ill deserved rally. Since this is Fed day and Powell is a FUCKING IDIOT, it’s also possible we might McPlunge lower on rhetoric that shit is so norm right now — the Fed is back on track with hiking rates according to their fucking dot plot.

You should prepare yourselves for that eventuality.

All that aside, both AAPL and BA is helping the Dow jimmy higher this morning. But I’m more interested in oil, junk bonds, and small caps. Feast your eyes on the IWM today, FUCKED FACE, and be sure not be gamble too much all at once.

Barreling into today, I am 65% long, 35% cash in trading — 100% long in Quant. In the Quant account, it’s built for defense this month and has only gained ~4.5%. In an typical month, +4.5% is something to jerk off to. But not this month. Had I been in all growth, said returns would be 11%.

Prepare for a big breasted breakout today. Get your tits ready.

Here is the set up.

We’re in the range of chop that serves as resistance. Also, we’re coming into former support on the QQQs at $160. You want to listen very quietly to the Apple conference call tonight, and bear witness to their disgrace. Analysts will want to know how sales are since their warning. Tim Cook will tell them that things look soft, and then try to highlight strong sales in services.

Ignore this as nonsensical garbage.

Stocks should, in theory, revoke all of the gains enjoyed during the month of January and retest the lows. However, before we get there, we need to see technical damage and a breakdown in oil and junk bonds. I believe they’re both intertwined, so once oil cracks — so will HYG.

I sold out of W and COUP for a wash and added to my NUGT position. Only gold has consistently made highs without dramatic flair or pause. I am 35% cash in my trading account and tentatively bearish. Due to recent developments in getting whip-sawed by trades inside the 3x universe of fucked up products, I am revoking access to myself until the QQQs confirm a break lower — under $160. There will be plenty of money to be made in the middle, roasting the fat stomachs of bulls whilst smoking their ashes in our pipes. No need to be early, for the year is long and filled with terrors.

I stepped in and bought some of this shit today, not because this is a good company or because I feel warm and strong about them managing their way through the thick woods of java — but because, in their earnings statement today, they mentioned a desire to partner with someone for CBD infused coffee.

Bear in mind, on the surface, this isn’t news, but merely a suggestion. However, if we’re following the path of other companies who’ve dared to provide the public with drugs that inflict equanimity in the mind — shares of JVA are set to bolt higher.

Since this is a small company and sparsely followed, this did not make the rounds today. I could not find the news anywhere, aside from a few losers on Twitter.

“In other developments, we have decided to end our corporate stock buyback program as we believe this initiative was not having the desired effect on enhancing overall shareholder value. Instead, we will be implementing a new dividend policy. We intend to pay a dividend of 30% of our net profits for the fiscal year ending October 31, 2019 to shareholders of record as of October 31, 2019 to reward them for their loyalty and patience as well as to reaffirm our ability to generate free cash and positive results. We expect such dividend to be paid in our second fiscal quarter of 2020.

Lastly, we have had numerous discussions on the CBD front, which has become an extremely prominent topic for many companies in the coffee space. We are in discussions with both potential providers in addition to conversations with both our green and roasted customer base as to the best applications for CBD for both existing and potential new products utilizing CBD in manner applicable with the needs of the end consumer. We will continue to explore this as we believe there is potential for CBD coffee products in the near future,” concluded Mr. Gordon.

The stock was once as high as $15, probably related to the Keurig phase in the early 2010s. I see no reason why we can’t retest said highs, based off this magnanimous rumor of news.

I was hoping we’d get some clarity on the direction of markets today. But with the Dow up, Nasdaq lower, and Russell unch — this is turning out to be a gigantic nothing-burger. To make matters worse, both oil and gold are sharply higher — and breadth is dead flat at 50%.

Lucky for me, I am long NUGT.

Nevertheless, I eagerly wait for stocks to break either way. Given the strength in crude, my bias is for higher stock prices.

I’m tempted to buy JNUG or anything for that matter — but that would be an exhibition of impatience. Being that Le Fly is an ageless institution amongst men, I must adhere to a different set of standards — one carved out of the fossilized stone of antiquity.

Eating sandwiches at a profuse rate is how I like to kill time.

I’ll wait.

You can’t stop what’s coming — fuckheads. You were all concerned about war in Syria, so you voted for an Orange Gorilla (OG) to help escape the pangs of war. Little did you know, the theatre would be played out in the Western Hemisphere, battling fagLORDS from Venezuela and Cuban conscripts, alongside their Russian advisors. This is Red Dawn, the real deal, and Americans should find joy in know John Bolton flashed a notepad today, which said “5,000 troops of Colombia.”

READ IT FOR YOURSELVES, FUCKERS.

White House spokesman's explanation for Bolton's "5,000 troops to Colombia" memo on his legal pad: "As the President has said, all options are on the table." pic.twitter.com/3ZOtMGwjxB

— Kevin Liptak (@Kevinliptakcnn) January 28, 2019

This, of course, is bullish for stocks, as America fixes new ways to sack oil from poor countries. Consider this, Venezuela has the largest oil reserves in the world — at 297 billion barrels, or 10x America’s, even after all of our stupid fracking.

That’s right, MOAR than House of Saud.

Remember when Trump said we should’ve taken the Iraqi oil? Well, here’s his chance to exchange American blood for oil. Do you think he’ll take it? Perhaps the proceeds will be used to, dare I say, PAY FOR THE FUCKING WALL?

So where did it all go wrong for Maduro? What was the tipping point that led John Bolton and his stupid fucking mustache to want to attack him and his supporters?

Observe.

Don’t fuck with the petro-dollar.

UPDATE: Take the oil

"We're in conversation with major American companies now…It would make a difference if we could have American companies produce the oil in Venezuela. It would be good for Venezuela and the people of the United States." – John "Chickenhawk" Bolton, servant of Swamp King Trump. pic.twitter.com/M8rl8UqAdm

— HootHootBerns #RunBernieRun?? (@HootHootBerns) January 28, 2019

My DTEA is working just fine, up more than 20% since this morning’s purchase. Aside from that, I took profits in PDD, BILI, and TLRY today, while buying some NUGT.

I had a good day and do not feel this weakness is cause for concern. However, I am open to the idea for more pain.

Fun to see John Bolton speaking on behalf of the Venezuelan people. They do, indeed, deserve a renewed American form of democracy. It’s worth nothing, there are 25,000 Cuban troops there, in addition to Russian contractors. Now that we’re seizing their oil money and demanding the rightful leader of Venezuela be recognized, it would be fitting for us to send a few bombers down there to ANNIHILATE ALL OF OUR ENEMIES INTO DUST, preserving the Monroe Doctrine, reminding evil doers that America means business.

We cannot simply sit by idly and watch so many barrels of oil go uncounted.

God speed.

This is a small position and one that I think should work.

Narrative:

Be a Canadian tea vendor whose stock price is a buck and change, stubbornly refusing to include the #1 selling herb in the world in your fucking herbal beverage chain. Plus, you’re based in Canada — land of the depraved.

Back in September of 2018, the stock exploded to the upside on rumors of CBD infused tea. Bear witness to NBEV, a stock I flagged very early on, which has since exploded to the upside. No one had NBEV before me, believe me.

This is literally a tale of two cities sort of shit. DTEA opted to decline embracing CBD and their stock fell 80%. NBEV sucked CBD cock. The stock has more than tripled since then.

Any questions?

If you’re on the board of DTEA — you fucking demand the company get involved and in a big way. Otherwise, the stock is going to zero.

Both worked — made 4% on PDD and 7% on BILI. The idea was to get long non-correlated stocks and it worked.

Proceeds move to cash, ~40%.

I view solar, weed, and Chinese stocks as non-correlated sectors of the market now and are very bad tells for overall risk. The most correlated are SAAS — and they’re down around 1.1% for the session.

All in all, the near term technicals are okay. There is a big ass black candle today to look at; but the past two have resulted in higher prices. The reason why you should tread carefully is due to the fact we were butting up against former support, which is now resistance. Wall Street loves jerking off to poetic shit like this — so be on guard for a fresh leg lower tomorrow — led by oil and HYG.