Morning Poppers (Jokes Are Now Illegal Edition)

Michelle Wolf is not very funny. But it’s not really her fault. Women, as a general rule, aren’t very good comedians. When they are good, it’s because they’re probably men. But now half the country is sperging out over a few fucked up jokes that might’ve embarrassed a few hard people. Please. You can’t claim to be hard, then melt like faggot snowflakes in the face of some poorly timed, poorly worded, attempts at humor.

Face it, politics is fucking retarded. Can we agree that civic duty is the worst form of duty and move on?

Good.

Futures are way the fuck up this morning — because more buyers than sellers. Dow futures are +145, but WTI is lower. OilFAGS eternally BTFO.

Today is the last day of April, which means it’s the last day of the Exodus quant portfolio. I’ll be forming a new portfolio, based off current market trends, sometime this evening and will be executing orders tomorrow morning.

I’m feeling good this morning, albeit sleep deprived. This new dog of mine, the coyote, is a menace and never lets me sleep more than 3-4 hours. She wakes me up with horribly barks and growls in my face, teeth showing and all, until I wake up. That’s my fucking alarm. She then snaps her teeth at me until I walk her, howling like a wolf the entire time. Upon taking her out, she immediately runs after the first car she sees and has a special hatred for school busses, which always earns laughter from the kids inside of them. In short, this dog is contributing to my eventual demise.

My tactical account still has some inverse ETFs in it and I might have to deal with them today. God willing, markets will crack asunder and I can profit from the blood and tears of others — but it doesn’t look likely early going.