Markets Slide, VIX Soars: The ’50 Cent’ Trader Should Be Convicted of War Crimes

If you recall, about a fortnight ago, Wall Street was filled with intrigue over a seemingly moronic trader — who had very little regard for money — who was throwing tens of millions into VIX contracts, all of which were trading at 50 cents. It was the work of an eccentric, obviously. I posited the idea that the anonymous trader, was in fact, a CIA finance project designed to profit off the instability it was causing in the world.

This is probably part of a top secret CIA shadow finance project, cloaked by the whimsicality of a seemingly brainless trading strategy which stands to capitalize on a Trump presidency ending.

Lo and behold, in less than two week’s time, those options contracts have gone apeshit to the upside, with the April 14s up 250% since Friday.

Today’s ’50 cent’ contracts are all ripping higher, much to the amusement of whoever concocted the brilliant and timely idea to toss tens of millions into contracts destined to become worthless.

Do not expect the SEC to investigate these trades. It was just a lucky guy who bet $100 million on ‘idiot contracts’ and struck jackpot after Donald Trump did an 180-degree reversal on his foreign policy strategy — positioning the nation in a two-front world war.

You’re probably getting real sleepy even thinking about this. Maybe you should take a nap now, get some sleep. When you wake up from your well deserved slumber, there will be a new post up and you won’t have to worry about this sort of confusing news.