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Yearly Archives: 2016

World Markets Plunge; Fed’s Fischer Says to Expect Four Rate Hikes in 2016

On a day when North Korea detonated a hydrogen bomb, causing a fucking earthquake, Dow futures were down 300, China manipulated its currency lower for the 7th consecutive day, Vice Chair of the Federal Reserve, “Stan” Fischer thought it was a good idea to imitate his favorite movie, “Zoolander”, and toss gasoline on an already happening party.

This is not your Dr. Benjamin Bernanke Federal Reserve.

This Fed is being spearheaded by a woman, Janet Yellen, who is completely delusional. She’s permitting her idiot board of Fed governors, who’ve been clamoring to hike rates for years (that’s all they ever want to do), to impose their perverted version of the world upon an injured market.

My TLT is up $1.25, effectively telling the Fed to fuck off.

NOTE: Please subscribe to our Youtube account, as we intend to flood it with hand-picked, relevant content, in addition to the Jeff Macke greatness.

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CHIPOTLE ISSUES MONSTROUS WARNING; DOWN $70 MILL IN RECENT SHARE BUYBACKS

Sales will be down in the range of 14%. Earnings will coming in light, at around $1.70-1.90, dowm from $2.52.

Sales for December were down 30% and the government subpoenaed them for poisoning the American public. I am almost certain Congress is short CMG.

Shares, initially, dropped to $412, and has recovered since.

I’m calling bullshit on this warnings. I live in an area filled with gluttons, a bunch of Eddie Barzoons if you will. My local Chipotle is completely vacated. They might as well board the fucker up, or turn it into a Boston Market.

I think there is a lot more downside to the earmings story with CMG. This ecoli issue isn’t done, not even close.

Avoid.

ONE MORE THING. The company authorized a $300 mill buyback. They’ve been buying lots of stock, as of late, sort of tossing good money after bad.

During the fourth quarter 2015, we repurchased approximately 609 thousand shares of stock at an average price of $556 per share. During the month of December, we repurchased approximately 401 thousand shares of stock at an average price of $527 per share. The Board’s authorization of the repurchase program may be modified, suspended or discontinued at any time.

In other words, the company lost about $70 million in asinine share re purchases since Q4, 2015.

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A SEA OF RED AWAITS WALL STREET

North Korean H-bomb tests, although awful, is not the reason why stocks are being “Clubber Lang’d” this morning. For the 7th consecutive day, China has walked its currency lower, a huge red flag amidst an idiot train filled with red flags. Also, despite Wall Street’s inclination to upgrade oil stocks, the commodity keeps getting cheaper–further deepening the debt crisis bubble that everyone keeps ignoring–hoping that will just go away.

There are $300 billion reasons for you to pay attention.

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NASDAQ futures are getting hammered into clown dust.

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This is how I am playing this.

My largest position since before the New Year’s was TLT. It’s a play on safety of principle and my crazy belief that eventually the yield curve will invert. After that, cash is my biggest. As of yesterday, 1/3rd went into SPY. I’ll likely lose 2-3% on that trade today, not exactly a hell storm of loss. Nevertheless, I do not like to lose any money, let alone during the first week of the New Year.

However, since my equity exposure is so limited, it’s in my interest to see stocks lower, buy the blood, acquire your margin call. That’s exactly what I intend on doing soon.

Based upon further oversold readings in Exodus, I will add to my SPY position, in a quasi martingale approach with a time limit of just 10 trading days. Details will be forthcoming inside the service.

I wish you all good luck and happy fortune. But you were warned of this eventuality and you bet against me.

Never, ever, bet against the guy in the time machine.

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CHINESE YUAN DROPS FOR THE 7th CONSECUTIVE DAY TO A FIVE YEAR LOW

The Chinese Yuan dropped for the 7th consecutive day to five year lows today, in what can only be described as intentional fuckery on behalf of the anciently savage communist regime. As we speak, Donald J. Trump is looking for open lots to build new casinos in China, after the United States attacks and conquers them for trying to not allow America to be great again.

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Perhaps this has something to do with the Chinese short selling ban expiring on January 8th. Nevertheless, there are serious things happening in China, a sense of desperation that is reverberating in risk assets across the globe.

That being said, the Shanghai was higher by 2.2% tonight.

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Gene Munster: Apple Orders Down 30% is ‘Ridiculous’

Pipe Jaffray analyst tossing the NIKKEI magazine into the circular file, suggesting the panic over Apple supply cuts are wholly ridiculous.

On a more serious note: should Apple miss sales by 30%, you have much greater things to worry about than the price of Apple’s stock.

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Introducing GentlemanTube: A Better Way to View Meaningless Drivel

In an effort to make financial news easier to endure, I’ve hired a team of very cheap video editors to affix proper attire, the textiles and facial hair of a gentleman, to videos of my choosing.

As I am interested in expanding the iBankCoin empire into video, swiping this or that across the interwebs whenever it pleases me, it’d be mindful and wise for you to subscribe to our channel.

Think of the possibilities of this trillion dollar idea. Why, I should pitch Frederick Wilson to get involved at the ground floor, in a big way, in order to hire hundreds of crackpot editors, scale this thing, in order to affix these niceties to a wide array of the seemingly endless cabal of hideous mountebanks who litter our airwaves.

Tired of Jim Cramer and his rolled up shirt sleeves? GENTLEMAN TUBE

Appalled by the lack of proper facial hair on Dennis Gartman? GENTLEMAN TUBE

This is the tonic, otherwise known as the remedy, for the every day dreck that we are subjected to, day in and day out.

You are welcome.

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U.S. FUTURES CAREEN LOWER

Dow futures are down by 150 some odd points and the NASDAQ are lower by about 50. The NIKKEI is down a swift 200 and China is flat–because it’s manipulated.

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Over in Europe, DAX futures are lower by 1.43%. It’s starting to look like a grim evening, that might become increasingly grimmer as the night goes on.

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Bank of America: Sell the Rips

This guy went onto the teevee to espouse his technical analysis witch-craft. Although I feel the market wants lower, my core thesis is that it will not fall apart, in an unorganized fashion. We should stair-step lower, with a certain calm normality, reminiscent of the good olde days of 1973.

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An Open Treatise to Mother Market

Dear Mother Market,

I used to love waking up to your grandness. Like a fat pillow under my tired head, after a long days work, you’ve provided me with the comfort– also the means, entertainment and intellectual complexities to keep me interested for nearly two decades. But now you’re boring, old, and stupid. Every time I look at you, I want to sell you short and kick you down a flight of elevator stairs, lined with spicy ketchup.

While some traders still believe in you, I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re nothing but a fiction, a summer dream on a sandy beach. When everyone wakes up, they will find themselves inside of a matter-less blackhole, being reduced into nothingness. While some might call you “evil” or even pernicious, I just think that you’re mean spirited and cruel.

To that end, I wish you nothing but harmful tidings and everlasting misery.

Yours truly,

Le Fly

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The Hardest Part of This Job is Buying Dips

I recall musing at the market, on the phone with a colleague, circa 2009. The world was ending, or at least my world. Western finance, as I knew it, was about to conclude. Our country had gone from entrepreneurial Dutch merchants to Dick Fuld in less than 400 years; and it was ending. I had been short stocks, making a fucking fortune, all for nothing. After all, what good is money when all of your clients lose their jobs/businesses? What good is money when you can’t buy food because credit dried up and no one trusts one another for payment?

That’s where we were in 2009, before the bottom was put in, at the Devil’s crossing of 666 on the S&P, ushering in a new President Barrack “inverse cowboy” Hussein Obama.

If only there was a way to evaluate the markets without emotion. You know, like a software of market greatness that is able to monitor over 4,000 stocks and ETFs, drill down technical and fundamental readings to properly assess the market without bias.

Hmmm.

In other news, I bought SPY today, a 1/3rd position. I’ll add to it based upon the glory of Exodus.

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